A fresh start – the Survivor Series predictions post

Sidekick Andrew: Have I mentioned recently my massive man-crush on Ziggler? Luckily for me it appears that someone high up in the WWE has the same, slightly disturbing, feelings as me. Not only is he booked on the last two PPVs, but he’s been in two matches on each. Double the Ziggler, double the pleasure. Morrison, on the other hand, doesn’t strike me as someone who is held in great esteem by management at the moment. Since Melina’s departure he has been floundering slightly, and doesn’t actually seem like he wants to be there anymore.

yeah... that's not going to help matters John

With Ziggler wrestling twice I can see this being a really short match. Like, really short. Morrison tries for a lock up, Ziggler hits the sleeper hold and Morrison goes down – hopefully learning that you don’t piss off the boss in the meantime. Ziggler retains, Morrison is future endeavoured and the spectre of “Mr Ziggles” is banished forever.

Boss Lady Rae: Oooh. Doesn’t he get feisty when he’s talking about Ziggler?! Personally, I think Andrew’s just jealous that the object of his platonic desire retweeted me this week.

*air-punch*

After John Morrison’s interference this week, I thought he might pull off a shocker here and take the title. But that doesn’t seem too likely considering he’s been saying silly things on Twitter. I’ll say that Morrison wins, but by DQ so Andrew’s Mr. Lovely can keep his belt. Nice compromise.

Sidekick Andrew: I hate to say this, I really do, but I think Eve is going to win tonight. There’s been plenty of speculation as to whether the Divas of Doom (or whatever the hell they’re known as) will be splitting up, leading to a pretty exciting feud between the two. This match being a lumberjill match means three things:

  • 1. All the women on the roster get a PPV payday
  • 2. Jerry Lawler gets to make some very unseemly noises
  • 3. There’s a good opportunity for Natalya to “accidentally” cost Beth the match in the chaos

While my crush on Beth is almost as strong as my aforementioned crush on Ziggler (but neither can touch my crush on Ultramantis Black), I’m not opposed to her losing tonight. A Beth and Natalya feud could lead to some amazing matches, and Eve proved herself pretty capable during their match at Vengeance. All in all, I’m quite looking forward to seeing where this goes. Not a feeling I have very often with regards to the WWE Womens Division.

Boss Lady Rae: I’ll save you my boohooing over how indifferent to Beth Phoenix I’m gradually becoming. It’s disturbing me beyond belief. I think Eve will be winning this one. The Beth/Natalya alliance hasn’t quite been the revolution it could have been and I actually think they’d be better feuding against each other. A PPV match between the two could be pretty special.

I’ve always thought Eve was wildly underrated. It would be brilliant if they could give her the title again and actually let her do something with it this time.

Of course, this is a lumberjills match. I’m probably setting myself up for a fall believing it will be anything but a mess of flying Louboutins and chicken fillets. Still, a gal can hope.

Sidekick Andrew: Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of Del Rio. I think he’s a great wrestler, and an even better gimmick. The addition of Ricardo Rodriguez and his luxury car entrance are just the icing on the cake. However, it’s time for him to lose the title. It’s not his fault… the trouble is that he’s on Raw – a show where there are any number of stories going on that are given more precedence than the title itself. Between HHH, Kevin Nash, John Laurinaitis, The Rock and John Cena, the title picture is seemingly an afterthought. If any one can give the belt some relevance again it’s Punk, so my money is on him to win tonight.

Lest we forget, he even made Matt Hardy look interesting

Boss Lady Rae: When we discussed these predictions yesterday, I didn’t think I even needed to make a prediction. It fills me with joy that it still only takes one short guitar riff to make my tummy flip over when Punk appears at the top of the ramp. I am hardly impartial when it comes to Chicago’s finest. Look at our predictions graphic. Even my illustrated self is now wearing a CM Punk shirt. But I genuinely think it’s time for Del Rio to pass the title on. 

Andrew is unfortunately right. Raw has always been the home of big personalities and Del Rio has a lot to compete with, especially now the brands are mixing more regularly. Titles don’t have to be the centre of every story. On the contrary, some of the best runs have had no belts attached to them. But it seems a waste to keep the WWE Championship with Alberto Del Rio if they’re not going to make the most of it. Punk now needs something to do leading up Wrestlemania. I’m sure it will be a perfectly amicable exchange of property. (HAH!)

Sidekick Andrew: Probably the match I have the least amount of interest in, and therefore the match I will use the least amount of words to talk about. I think Big Show will take the title but quote frankly I’m not that bothered either way. Sorry about that, but in recompense here’s a picture of a goat in a suit…

Boss Lady Rae: I’m sure people will hate me for this, but I am so terribly bored of Mark Henry. And if this laziest of lazy t-shirt is anything to go by, so are them on high….

To create some interest here I think Big Show has to win. As recompense for my Henry related malaise, here’s me happy to be with a goat:

Sidekick Andrew: Nice of the WWE to remember the whole gimmick behind Survivor Series is these 5 on 5 man elimination tag matches. And it’s always good to see Barrett get a push of some sort. So with Barrett having Ziggler (swoon) on his team against Randy bloody Orton and his worthless team of worthless wrestlers you’d think this would be an easy choice. But, the masochist in me is expecting a face win in this match for some reason. Orton still seems to be on a roll, and Kingston needs something to do while Evan Bourne is otherwise engaged (sitting on his couch scoffing Monster Munch and watching Loose Women or something).

Boss Lady Rae: Tricky. One the one hand, I feel pangs of intense guilt and betrayal not shaking my pom-poms for any team involving Mason Ryan. On the other, Barrett and Ziggler on the same team is so much more interesting, and I’m generally more of a ‘nice guys finish first’ lady. Can’t I have Sheamus, Mason, Kofi, Wade and Dolph on one team? Actually, I’m not sure my heart could cope with all that bromancing. It’s more interesting if the bad guys win this one, so that’s who I’ll predict. I just hope my Celtic compatriots will forgive me.

Sidekick Andrew: Am I the only person who couldn’t really give a toss about The Rock? There’s no denying the guy can cut a good promo, but he’s never done anything for me as a wrestler… and still doesn’t I’m afraid.

I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is. That doesn’t mean I think “Awesome Truth” are going to win of course. I do think it would be pretty amazing to end the show with Miz and R-Truth (R-Truth!) victorious over two of the biggest WWE stars ever, but I still think Cena and Rock are going to win. Obviously they’ll fall out after the match, probably with the Rock taking out Cena with a Rock Bottom.

Boss Lady Rae: Unlikely as it seems, I think Survivor Series is going to hold a surprise and I think it’s that Miz and R-Truth are going to beat John Cena and The Rock. What would be the point of them having Rock and Cena winning and being pals if the whole reason the Rock’s there is to plug their Wrestlemania rivalry? Eh? EH? I’ve got this one in the bag.

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survivor series: you blow it, i’ll catch it

I’ve been putting this recap off this week. Nothing to do with the show. It was actually a fabulous Pay Per View. One of the better ones this year. But with all that cross brand action I was finding it difficult to decide how to go about it. I had planned on doing a podcast but my technology has failed and, quite frankly, I need to get this one done asap.

The show kicked off with a midcarders’ match in the first of three traditional Survivor Series elimination matches. Team Miz consisted of Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre and of course Captain Miz. First of all, what are all these rumours about Dolph Ziggler being up for the shop? If Dolph gets released and is wished well with his future endeavours, it’ll be a tragedy. I mentioned during Cool Britannia Week that Dolph was the stand-out worker of the Smackdown House Show in the ‘Diff. If he’s not pleasing creative it’s because they’re not using him properly. I digress.  Team Miz were up against Team Morrison, obviously captained by John Morrison and accompanied by Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay and Evan Bourne *sigh*.  Every time you mention Evan Bourne from now on I expect you to sigh afterwards, just like when Homer Simpson fell in love with Arthur Fortune. Arrrrthur Fortuuune ohhhhhhh!

An excellent match to get things started, tempered by that old rivalry between Miz and Morrison. This match was all about saying “This is the future of the company, get used to it.” Oh and also about letting us see exactly what all those white boys would really look like without their gravy spray. I’m pretty sure Ayrshire is as cold and sunless as Dublin, which goes to show just how thick Drew McIntyre’s fake tan is. I’ve always thought fake tan makes your skin smell like stale digestive biscuits, so if you’ve ever wondered what the middle of a wrestling ring smells like, now you know.

I can smell it from here. Biscuit and a cuppa anyone?

Things weren’t looking too promising for John Morrison when he found himself alone and faced with Sheamus, McIntyre and The Miz. It would have taken some Super-John-Cena magic for him to pull that win off. He didn’t. Sheamus pinned him and sealed the deal for the bad guys.

It took days for Sheamus to wash the orange imprint of Morrison's abs off his back.

From there we went backstage where the next collection of faces were psyching themselves up. Kofi’s team of Christian, MVP, Mark Henry and R-Truth were noting that one of them appeared different to the rest. Christian was feeling a little insecure, but as R-Truth so eloquently expressed…..

Then Christian did some very dubious rapping about being the only non-black bloke in the group. Stick to the day-job, darl. We’ll come back to that crew later.

Next we had the battle of former family – Batista vs Rey Mysterio. With all that intense emotion it should have been epic. Even my dad, who tries really hard not to like wrestling, has felt the need to let me know how convincing Dave’s heel turn has been recently. Seems he’s been paying more attention than he’d care to admit! Anyway, it should have been great, but meh! It was kind of obvious that SS would not bring the story to a conclusion and so it didn’t really have anywhere to go. Of course Dave walked away victorious. They’ll be milking this one to the death. It almost looked as if Mr. B was ready to make friends when he sat down for a chin-wag.

See? They're friends really.

But it turned out he just wanted to lure Rey into a false sense of security before walloping him with the chair he’d just been sitting on. Nice guy.

We needed to go back to the locker room, where Team Kofi’s opponents, Team Randy Orton, were preparing. Now that’s a team I’d like to go to a country retreat to do team-building exercises with. Raft building and mountain climbing etc. Bagsy I spot  Randy while he climbs the plastic wall. And you’re not mistaken, that is my compatriot William Regal with his Survivor Series t-shirt tucked into his trunks.

It's the seaside town they forgot to shut down for a reason.

It seems some team-building exercises could have helped this lot out. There was more tension between them than between Randy’s trunks and his package! But Randy reminded them all, particularly Punk, that they had to work as a collective. Did they manage it? Let’s see…….

But before we reached that point it was a spectacular match.  This was, after all, laced with main eventers and it lived up to the hype. CM Punk was particularly angry about R-Truth’s entrance, having to be held back by the referee. I don’t blame him. It’s pretty dire. I love people who aren’t afraid to show their passion for music.

Just repeat after me, babe.... even through the darkest days, this fire burns, always, this fire burns, aaaaaalwaysssssss! ....... Soothing!

As I say, the whole thing was rather wonderful but the big story was the arrival of Kofi Kingston as a main event superstar. A journey complete. Admittedly, I was cheering for Punk and Randy to join forces and take Kofi out, but the energetic former Jamaican deserved this transcendence to wrestling greatness. (Worship me, Striker!) Of course, my favourite moment of the match was when Punk decided to blow me a kiss before he brought Kofi down with a thump. Yes. I did reach my hand into the air, catch the kiss and spread it across my lips. What of it?

Kiss after kiss after kiss. It's like magic!

Jericho vs Big Show vs Undertaker for the Heavyweight title was a little slow getting going, although Chris Jericho telling one of the crowd who damned him to Toronto that he was an idiot for not knowing that the Jericho(Irvine) brood hail from Winnipeg was a stroke of pure genius. If this moment did anything, it made me hanker for the old Chris Jericho. Y2J. Jericho’s return to the top this year has been due to this socially superior character he’s been playing, but anyone following his Twitter knows that comedic Chris is still alive. I’d LOVE to see Y2J come back and have a feud with Punk. L.O.V.E! Imagine this but with Randy replaced with CM.

Once all those aching muscles warmed up it was a great match. Taker retained the title (as expected but not hoped) and JeriShow remained intact.  It appeared that Big Show had the upper hand, pulling his straps down and reaching for Taker’s neck for a chokeslam. But it was not to be. I think had he not taken those few extra seconds to get more naked, he might have pulled it off. Show’s pasty flesh spurred the Undertaker on to move quickly and remove the offending form. Show tapped out after getting wrapped up in Hell’s Gate.

Pure mathematics.

Right, now the Divas match. The day before Survivor Series I posted a rather impassioned  (if slightly too long and serious) rant about the WWE’s women’s division. You’ll be pleased to know I won’t be doing that again for some time. I’m all lady-ranted out! The match itself, while shorter than the other elimination matches, was pretty good. All involved worked well, even if several fell foul of Beth Phoenix’s immense power in quick succession early on.  The final three ladies in the ring, Bad Gal Captain McCool, Lovely Lady Captain Mickie James and her bestest pal Melina, were all pretty fabulous, pulling out some great work.  Melina pinned Ms. McCool to win the match and I cheered my biggest cheer of the night for Team Mickie James.

YEEEEEEEAAAH!

Alrighty, time for the final match of the night – Triple H vs Shawn Michaels vs John Cena for the WWE Championship. Had I been pushed for a prediction on this match, I would have expected Cena to retain but for some other shenanigans to do down with DX.  I was kind or right, but was surprised at how quickly that played itself out. So was everyone else! At this point I was getting a little sleepy so I salsa danced around my living room to DX’s entrance. Sounds odd, but it totally worked. It went something like this, but way sexier and in pyjamas……..

I was awake and ready for a few minutes of pushing and shoving before things got interesting, giving me time to consume yet another mince pie before I got too excited to eat. That was not to be. Within seconds of the bell ringing Shawn Michaels kicked his leg out and delivered some bitchin’ Sweet Chin Music to Triple H’s head. It was like you could hear his jaw bone snapping.

It happened so fast the crowd hadn't even had time to react yet!

Once we’d recovered from that shock, the match got going for real and it was BRILLIANT. I know I wasn’t the only one watching in a European timezone contemplating how they were going to force themselves to sleep once this show drew to a close at 4:00am. It was that exciting, made all the more finger-tingling by the commentary team. I believe I tweeted….

Yes, there is a word missing from that tweet. It should have been 'when Striker gets excited'. My fingers are awful. Which is just one of the reasons why Matt Striker would never come near me. (Shut up, Southern.)

All three guys got their fair share of action but ultimately John Cena won, holding on to the title for another month.

New merchandise in time for Christmas, kids. Get it while it's orange!

This was the perfect time for DX to disband. This week’s Raw promised much angry banter between Hunter and Shawn. Did it happen? Don’t hold your breath. And a whole new opponent got all up in John Cena’s grill and signed a contract for a title match at the TLC PPV. It was rather surprising. I’ll go into the Survivor Series fallout in the Raw Recap over the weekend.  JEBUS! What a night!