Dancing with Jericho: Part Five

Depending on how you feel about my Dancing with the Stars posts, you’ll either be really pleased or really disappointed this one is much shorter than usual. This week was American Week and apart from our Chris Jericho making a lovely job of the Viennese waltz, the whole show was a giant puke-fest of gaudy Stars & Stripes inspired outfits, outrageously inappropriate music and displays of patriotism so overt it would have made me bilious even when I was at the height of my love affair with the USA. So rather than subject both myself and the faithful readers to a 1500-word sociological commentary on patriotism, or a huge rant on how much I hate the need for random gimmicks on this show, I’ll just say nice things about Mr. Jericho’s dancing.

There. I’ve cheered up already. As I explained previously, the Viennese waltz incorporates waltz steps with rotations around the dancefloor. Clearly those 18th Century Austrians liked a challenge. Just like Simon Cowell on X-Factor, the judge everyone wants to impress is Len Goodman. If you get a wink of approval from Len, you know you’re doing it right. Chris Jericho was feeling the pain of not getting more than a seven from Len and asked Cheryl to help him achieve it. He did this while speaking in a mock English accent. It was more Ozzy Osborne than Len Goodman, but I’ll keep him out of the Dick Van Dyke Club for Awful British Accents because I like him so much.

Not only was Chris feeling the pressure of dancing to  America the Beautiful, he was also incurring the wrath of the dreaded Viennese waltz motion sickness. His nausea is represented in this dainty move:

What’s most pleasing is that Chris is fed up of coasting through the competition in the middle of the board. He’s ready to start reaching for the big glitterball and win this bitch! Or in wrestling terms, he wants to get bumped up from being a mid-carder to main eventing for the big titles.  Let’s waltz Viennese style…..

Even though I’m saving the upgraded crush-face for another dance in protest against a truly terrible episode, Jericho was pretty special during this dance. Dreamy, even. To make the Viennese waltz look effortless takes a lot of skill and control. He definitely pulled it off. Bruno and Carrie Anne thought it was fantastic and Len gave a tentatively positive judgement, ending in “Yow’ll ge’t an ayt when yow dee-zerve an ayt.” And if you understood that, I applaud you. Score time!

Sit tight, darling. I’ve got a good feeling about these scores.

Yay! Very well deserved indeed. The American people clearly agreed. Our hero has sailed through to week six, while lovely Petra Nemcova went home. Next week is apparently Guilty Pleasures Week. How this will translate to the dancing, I have no idea. I suspect it will involve Kendra Wilkinson slutting about in a tiny samba skirt and getting upset the following week because people were looking at her legs. The great news is that Chris Jericho will be the first celeb this series to do a tango. Time for him to bring back his serious, Latin face, and for me to dust off the Chris Jericho crush-face I refused to pull out this week. More dancing, less faffing next week. PLEASE!

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