Rainbows, Lasagne and Goldfish: The Miz on Blue Peter

You can’t have failed to notice that the WWE are on tour in Europe at the moment. The WWE promotion wagons never stop rolling, especially when cruising around a foreign market. When you’re sending someone to appear on children’s television you want someone kids will engage with. You need a figure to wind them up and get them excited about the WWE. There’s only one man for the job:

The last time Miz was on Blue Peter he royally cheesed off Helen Skelton by messing up her craft project. In fact, he didn’t just mess up her instructional video on how to make a small wrestling ring out of a pizza box and string, he berated her for making a bad job of it. The loathing between them was palpable. It was also one of the funniest things I saw on TV all last year.

This time, Miz and Helen seemed to have settled their differences. She actually seemed quite excited to see him.

Kind of.

This segment of the show was carried out while standing in a wrestling ring with only two sides, with a group of stage-school kids primed to look like real fans and a barking dog. I bloody love you, Blue Peter.

Before Miz appeared, the kids were asked to name their favourite moves. One selected the 619, but Helen found that to be far too aggressive. She much preferred the sound of the Starship Pain for its “balletic” properties. She then interviewed a young boy who came along because he thinks his dad looks like The Rock.

I bet his mum picked that picture.

Let us leave these pipsqueaks and get to the main event. Allow me to ask you a question. If the Miz was coming round to your gaff for the afternoon and you were waiting to present him to the world, where would you ask him to wait until you were ready for the big reveal?

In the greenhouse with the tomato plants. Of course.

There was whooping. There was hollering. There was all manner of Miz-like posturing. Barney, who is new to Blue Peter and wasn’t around for our champion’s previous visit, got an education in how to talk yourself up from the ego-master himself.

This narcissistic oratory went on for some time before Helen had to step in to move the show along, only succeeding to shut Miz’s mouth by holding his hand.

Ah-ha. So she does like him. I knew it! Me thinks the lady hath been protesting too much.  Helen’s sudden change of heart made Miz blush.

He actually said "BLUSH" while stroking his face. ❤

The whole premise of this segment had been to give an explanation of trash talk. Miz basically explained to the kiddywinks that trash talking isn’t necessary about talking your opponent down, it’s more about talking yourself up. So he’s not such a bad role model after all. With this in mind the little ‘uns were asked to present Miz with something he could talk-up in a section we’ll call ‘collect three random pictures from the prop room’. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure this segment worked out the way the children expected. I got the feeling they wanted him to really trash the hell out of the items they’d chosen. What he went on to do was prove that his theory positive trash talking was cool. So instead of telling them how much they sucked, he delivered:

The dog looks impressed, but the kids not so much. My favourite thing about this whole piece though, was the cutest geek child I have ever seen. He even brought his own belt to carry over his shoulder. Aww. Bless.

He wanted Miz to say lovely things about his pet goldfish, Jangles. This was Miz’s last chance to win the hearts of the crowd.

Nice save! And that, my friends, was it. The Miz was done at Blue Peter for another tour. But before he could go on his merry way, Helen needed him to help her segue into her video on the lion cubs she met at Bristol Zoo. So, dear boy, what do you think of lion cubs?

GASP! Mizzzzzz! There’s no advertising allowed on the BBC. Naughty boy. Our TV licence cash pays for this show. Be off with you! (But please don’t stay away too long.) See you next tour, kiddo. Stay awesome.

If you’re in the UK you can watch this episode of Blue Peter on the BBC iPlayer for a limited time. If you’re not on this fair isle, thems the breaks.