A Song for Whoever: Jeff Hardy & Edge Edition

Boss Lady Ray: I had my part of this post all worked out last night. I hadn’t typed it up but I’d written it in my head. I was going to dedicate a bangin’ tune to the Miz for reminding us so perfectly that it’s him defending the WWE title against John Cena at Wrestlemania, not The Rock. Then Jeff Hardy went and screwed up his career again at the TNA PPV last night. I was torn. We hate TNA and I didn’t want to give it more coverage than it deserves. I certainly didn’t want to be one of Jeff Hardy’s enablers by rewarding his bad behaviour.

Ray

But when I scanned through my Twitter feed I couldn’t quite resist this one. So this is my one and only piece of advice for all the sobbing Jeff Hardy fans. Stop. Stop expecting him to change. Stop expecting him to be what he was ten years ago. He never will be that good or that clean again. He’s going to screw up over and over again and he doesn’t care whether he breaks your heart or not. Jeff will show up at work drunk/high/stoned on whatever he’s slurped/injected/smoked/inhaled again. Stop being shocked by it.

Think of Jeff Hardy like a loser boyfriend (or girlfriend). Your friends hate him and tell you to cut him loose. You mother rolls her eyes ever time you try to sing his praises. He lets you down, messes things up, embarrasses you in front of your colleagues by turning up at your work Christmas drinks already boozed up to the eyeballs. Why don’t you cut him loose? Because you love him. You think you can change him. You remember how great he used to be and you know that person is still in there; you just need to help him ‘find himself’ again. You just need to figure out why he keeps pressing the self-destruct button and make sure he doesn’t go there again. Good luck with that.

Really, you’ve got two choices. You can keep hoping Jeff Hardy will turn over a new leaf and stick with it, absorbing the fact that people will think you’re crazy for doing so. This means not complaining when he gets thrown off a show for being high as a kite again. Or you can stop calling yourself a Jeff Hardy fan and bypass the heartache. Not that I was exactly a fan when Matt Hardy finally got himself fired from WWE after making a total arse of himself on YouTube, but unfollowing the Hardys and all their enabling cronies on Twitter made my feed a much nicer place to be. I suggest you do the same.

It’s taken me all morning to find this song in my brain’s musical archives, but it’s finally popped to the front. This is the most perfect ‘stop-caring-about-Jeff-Hardy’ song on the face of the earth. Let it work its magic and, well, stop caring.

Sidekick Andrew:Back in February, somebody on the wrestling forums over at www.somethingawful.com posted a picture of Brodus Clay in his original FCW gear. As originally pointed out by Boss Lady Ray in her NXT Series 4 post, Brodus Clay looks like a cartoon or video game character already, so I decided to Photoshop said picture (this is what I do to pass the time):

Now, I often forget that the majority of people are either a) younger than me or b) not quite as geeky as me. As such (or maybe due to my lack of photoshop skill) there is a chance that the “joke” isn’t immediately apparent. For those of you who might not know, it’s supposed to look like King Hippo, a character from the Nintendo “Punch-Out” video games series (starting with DX member Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. There’s always a wrestling connection if you look hard enough).

Anyway, I posted this photoshop on the Something Awful forums and was encouraged to tweet it to Derrick Bateman, which seemed like a good idea. Bateman liked it, asked me to add a couple of things and then retweeted the finished product. I was happy, he was happy, we forgot about the whole thing…

Fast forward through the mists of time with me to this week’s Smackdown. Exciting wasn’t it? Kaitlyn! John Cena! HHH! The much teased reunion of Edge & Christian! Can you guess which I was most excited for? I mean… it’s been ten years since Edge & Christian teamed up together. Ten Years! And they had been teasing this since Backlash 2009! The answer’s pretty obvious really…

If you didn’t watch the show, the whole reason Edge & Christian teamed up was to take on Alberto Del Rio and Brodus Clay, after Edge had words with the two of them at the start of the episode. Amongst the words Edge used to describe Brodus Clay? Yep… “King” and “Hippo” 😦

Now, I’m not saying that Edge definitely saw my photoshop previously. I’m not suggesting Edge follows myself and Bateman on Twitter, or that the two of them held some shadowy meeting in a backstage corridor to discuss this. But I am going to dedicate this song to you Edge…

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