A Song for Whoever: Zack Ryder & Cody Rhodes Edition

BOSS LADY RAY: When wrestlers get signed to the WWE they usually get eaten up by the machine that is that very unique global business. They do as they’re told, follow orders, take direction, hit their marks and go home again; pretty much like the rest of us do at work. Indie wrestlers have to work a little harder to get their message across, because there’s no billion dollar marketing robot to do the work for them. The wise ones sell their own t-shirts, set up websites and blogs to keep in touch with their fans and secure bookings, and they make regular videocasts to make sure they stay visible without the luxury of television appearances. Basically, the more visible you are, the more you’re likely to get back. Simple. Wrestlegasm favourite Claudio Castagnoli is excellent at doing this.

Taking these rules of self-promotion into consideration makes Zack Ryder’s efforts to get himself over all the more impressive. Instead of complaining about the fact that he’s been somewhat sidelined of late, he’s used his initiative and taken matters into his own hands. He uses Twitter and Facebook as it’s supposed to be used, he plugs his t-shirts and now he has the most fantastic YouTube channel. In the latest installment Zack gets his own action figure to interview Buzz Lightyear about Toy Story 3’s crushing Best Picture defeat at the Oscars. You know, because toys only talk to other toys. Brilliant! We particularly enjoyed Dolph Ziggler discussing Ghostbusting in the background.

Instead of lying back and waiting to be called back up (or worse – future endeavoured) he’s putting himself over in a way you don’t usually see outside the indies.

We’ve been fond of Zack Ryder for some time. Now we love him a little bit more. So, Mr. Ryder, for working harder than you have to, for not just using your Twitter account to complain about cancelled flights and bad restaurant service, for never being afraid to take the mickey out of yourself, for all the sterling work you’ve been doing on Superstars recently and for making me laugh out loud in the office with your NKOTBSBZ audition, we salute you with a song we know you’ll love. Apparently I know every word. God, 1989 was a long time ago! Keep hangin’ tough, baby!

SIDEKICK ANDREW: Remember when CM Punk dressed up as Jeff Hardy and made all the Hardy fans in the audience cry (and all of us on the internet swoon) with his brilliance? Amazing wasn’t it?

Not the first time a wrestler has disguised themselves as someone else. HHH dressed up as Goldust and attacked Kane with a flamethrower; Moolah dressed as “the Spider Lady” to beat Wendi Richter in the original Screwjob; Matt Hardy liked to cover himself in Nutella and pull off an uncanny Big Daddy V impression at parties. This week we had a new addition to the All Star Professional Wrestling Impressions Revue: Cody Rhodes.

Yep, after executing THE BEST PLAN I’VE EVER SEEN (© Michael Bloody Cole) on Rey Mysterio last week, this week was time for revenge. Mysterio’s music hit and here he came, looking rather dapper in a nice suit and doing his patented “run to the side of stage and point at the cheap seats” dance.

I should admit my Spanish may not be completely accurate, being as I learned from El Generico and Colt Cabana. Anyway, as you’ve no doubt realised by now, Mysterio was actually Cody Rhodes wearing the mask he stole from Mysterio last week. Cody went on to prove that he’s inherited his dad’s promo skills, but fortunately not his looks, with a great one about Mysterio destroying his looks, and leaving him hideously deformed. All this despite blatantly looking exactly the same through his transparent Phantom of the Opera mask.

So this one’s for you Cody. As a paean to your rather obvious body dysmorphic disorder, here’s Daphne & Celeste. (Sidekick Andrew Fact: They were the first band I ever saw perform at Leeds Festival)





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3 thoughts on “A Song for Whoever: Zack Ryder & Cody Rhodes Edition

  1. Andrew, I hope you were one of the thousands that threw things at Daphne and Celeste that year. That was a low, low point for festivals.
    I totally didn’t understand why Cody came out in that mask, which just made him look like he’d not finished peeling his lemon facial mask. It didn’t even fit properly!
    And thanks for reminding me of that Punk moment. I think I need a lie down.

    Ray, I had that NKOTB “live” video, and me and my sister had to watch it every morning before we went to school. I too know all the words to most of the big songs and I can still (just about) do the weird leg dance from The Right Stuff. I’ve had a big nostalgia kick for NKOTB recently, I only wish it came a few years earlier when they did their comeback tour.
    I have to admit I don’t follow Le Ryder. Perhaps I should.

    • Dude! You need to follow Zack Ryder. He’s the next Dolph Ziggler. In that all of a sudden people are gonna get why he’s brilliant. I don’t mean he’s going to be fake-fired. As for NKOTB, I’ve been singing The Right Stuff on a loop in my head and shuffling my feet a bit like the weird leg dance all day. D’you know what’s weird when you watch those old videos though? McIntyre’s a CHILD! And I thought he was so grown up. :S

      • Joey Joe Mac was my first love. He’s like sixteen or something in that. The funniest thing about Hangin’ Tough is that none of them look like they could ever do anything to anyone. “Don’t cross our back ’cause you’re gonna get stoppped”… What would they do? Mime and dance you to death?!
        As I got older I went more for Jonathan. I was actually gutted when I found out he is gay, and this was two weeks ago! 😦
        I shall follow Ryder, if only because he was awesome on What’s Crackin’.

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