SIDEKICK ANDREW: It’s no coincidence that I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day, being that today’s Song for Whoever is a love song. Love songs can express many emotions and feelings: the aching pine of unrequited love, that rush of excitement from a first kiss, the earth-shattering heartbreak of a broken relationship, even the base yearning to “Sex You Up” as so romantically and lyrically put forward by Color Me Badd.
However, this week’s song is dedicated to the moment earlier this week when I realised I was hopelessly, completely and utterly in love with a particular male wrestler. Yes, straight as I may be, I had to turn to Boss Lady Ray in the Bunker and declare that I was now officially gay for this beautiful man.
Now it’s no secret that we’re big fans of Dolph here in the Bunker, giving him the coveted (?) Most Improved Award this year, but this week my burgeoning affection exploded. Casting your mind back, you may recall that I used to recap NXT on this site, before it all became too painful to watch. This week however, The Boss insisted that we do something about her Matt Striker withdrawals and watch the latest episode. But you… you already know this.
I’m not 100% sure when the growing crush suddenly exploded into love. Was it the way he responded to the whole Turd Ferguson debacle? Possibly the way he wore a Zack Ryder shirt to ringside? It could well have been the way he shouted “that’s the first time Saxton’s been over” during The Price Is Right? No, I’m pretty sure it was this…
Who’d have thought a man elbow-dropping a comedy cheese hat could have such an effect on my emotions? Not sure exactly how I’m going to explain to my kids why daddy is leaving to try and pursue a bleached blonde man wearing black PVC hotpants, but I’m sure it’ll give them something to tell their therapists about one day.
This one’s for you Dolph, don’t ever change you wonderful, wonderful man
BOSS LADY RAY: Well, I’ll give you a moment to digest Andrew’s unnatural love for Dolph. All absorbed? Lovely. Now on to my dedication, which isn’t a love song, it’s more of an arm around the shoulder. A hug. An ‘everything’s going to be okay’ kind of a tune. And it’s dedicated to R-Truth.
Truth’s been having a rough time lately. Setting aside the fact that he seems to be languishing in the Raw mid-card with nowhere to go, he’s certainly screwed a few things up over the past few weeks. Two weeks ago he tried to pull off an amazing double flip into the ring with John Morrison and did this…..
Ouch. 100% burns……to his pride! Then last week he asked Green Bay to tell him what exactly was ‘up’. They were in Milwaukee. Ouch again. If I learnt anything from that roadtrip I took from Milwaukee to Northern Michigan to Green Bay to Nashville (long story) it’s that you never ever ever confused Milwaukee and Green Bay. You might as well call me English. Not only was Truth subject to the crowd chanting the correct town at him throughout the match, and not only did Michael Cole ham up his dickish behaviour to hogroast level, but it also happened to be Mason Ryan’s first ever match on Raw. Ouch.
Mason Ryan’s first solo match on Raw was never going to be earth shattering. He needs more experience and his bulk holds him back the same way it does the other chunkies. Still, it’s something he’ll remember for the rest of his life and what will he think of when he casts his mind back? MIL-WAU-KEE! MIL-WAU-KEE! MIL-WAU-KEE! Mason will get over it. R-Truth may not.
Truth apologised profusely to the people of Milwaukee on Twitter and tried to block it out when he was ribbed on NXT. He’s probably hoping this catalogue of errors isn’t an express pass to being future endeavoured. Chin up, R-Truth. Let Eliza ease your troubles and sing away your woes. Tweet-tweet!