The World is Watching

Two wrestlers dressed as ancient Egyptians hypnotise their opponents and breakdance in the middle of the ring. Meanwhile an overweight and bearded wrestler strips down to his underwear and shimmies at ringside to the cry of “That’s the most illegal thing I’ve seen in the history of wrestling!” from the commentary team.

By now, being a wrestling fan, there’s a good chance you are one of the almost 900,000 people who know exactly what I’m referring to. However, on the off chance that you’re not, here’s the video in question:

Seriously, it’s bizarre (and not inconsiderably heart-warming) how this has suddenly blown up. And not just with wrestling fans: from ESPN.com to Boss Lady Ray’s not-so-secret crush Josh Grogan’s twitter account, this video has well and truly gone viral. So, as part of our new “indy and boring” policy, I just wanted to give you a very brief introduction to the Osirian Portal. First a slight disclaimer: this video is from a CZW show called Cage of Death, but the Osirian Portal are primarily a CHIKARA-based tag team. I can’t in all honesty recommend that you should buy a CZW DVD- the word “Death” in the title of this show should give you a quick clue as to what their usual matches consist of.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer incompentent bank robber

That out of the way, and now that you know you should buy CHIKARA DVDs to watch Osirian Portal matches, who are they? And why is that guy dressed like a snake?

Essentially, and you might have to bear with me slightly here, they are Amasis (a time-displaced Egyptian pharoah) and Ophidian (his anthropomorphic cobra protector.) Look, we never said CHIKARA made much sense did we?

On their official MySpace they have forced their slave to post a brief bio (obviously being from the past they are not computer literate)

These great men hail from the last great dynasty of egypt. That Dynasty is the 26th one which is ruled by The Dance Sensation that Defeats all Nations, Amasis. The snake that accompanies him is his right hand man, Ophidian. Created by Osiris to be his Personal Hitman, Ophidian battles with a serpentine style that has never been seen by mankind. With the Portal Of Osiris(Its what they use to travel through time) in this Duo’s hand, nothing can stop them from being the only men to conquer the Past, Present, and Future! Chikara, Professional Wrestling, America, Egypt, The World, Can you dig it!!!!!!!

They're also confused by fast food

Originally appearing as despised heels, they soon became fan favourites thanks to antics such as the breakdancing and hypnosis we’ve all seen now. They were joined for a time by a 6’5″ Egyptian sent by Osiris called Escorpion Egipcio – but quite frankly he was terrible and was soon let go. After teaming with Wrestlegasm favourite Sara Del Rey (kind of) and Drake Younger The Portal have officially added a third member known as Hieracon and with this new found publicity look set to take the nest step to world domination. Hopefully this will also help shine a spotlight on CHIKARA as a whole, and anything that does that can only be a good thing.

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