Head Lock Go! Go! Professional Wrestling: Royal Rumble Predictions

It’s here already! Our favourite WWE PPV of the year is upon us and it’s time for us to blindly fumble our way towards a vague prediction of who might win. We’re both really looking forward to the show this year, especially as the Rumble itself is generally one of our favourite matches. Given that there’s only 4 matches listed for this year we were expecting more to be announced on Smackdown, selfishly hampering our practically paranormal predicting as usual. In retrospect though, last year only had 6 matches (one of which only lasted 20 seconds!) and the Rumble match was (presumably) shorter so 4 matches is probably all we’re getting. Still, with only 4 matches to predict we should be able to get a 100% hit rate right? Maybe…

Sidekick Andrew: First up, the Divas Title handicap match: Natalya vs LayCool. Now there’s a lot of rumours that Awesome Kong might debut during this match. Or rather Amazing/Astounding/Astonishing/Alarming Kong as TNA have kept the rights to Awesome, and the whole Miz thing might get confusing…

Anyway, assuming Discombobulating Kong does debut I would assume she’ll be a heel supporting LayCool so they can lead to a feud against Beth or Natalya (God I wish!) But I don’t think this means LayCool will win, I’m going with Natalya to get the win and retain the belt, although there’s a good chance she’ll get beaten down after the match. I can’t see them taking the belt off her just yet, but then that could be more wishful thinking on my part that the WWE actual care about having a great wrestler holding the title for a while. Much as I like Layla, she’s no Natalya.

Boss Lady Ray: Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think Kong will debut during the Divas match. I think it’ll be during the Rumble. My only hope is that there’s at least one other Divas there for her to begin a feud with. I’d hate for them to make it OK for Kong to fight boys just because she’s bigger than the other girls. But anyway, this is all speculation. The match itself is what we’re predicting here.

Boring as it would be to go back to where we were, at least without some interference, I think LayCool will get the title back. I have this feeling that WWE are bored of Natalya being champ and they’ll take the title back to Smackdown where they can do more with Beth. Of course, this entire prediction could be based on the fact that, ultimately, I just want Beth to have the belt again. This girl-crush thing is getting hardcore. Maybe it was because Beth publicly thanked us for making her Wrestlegasm Female Wrestler of the Year on Twitter. See? Didn’t we say she was lovely?

Sidekick Andrew: Next up, Miz vs Orton. Awesome vs yawnsome. Genius vs tedious. The Money in the Banker against the arrogant wan… well you get the point. Like many people I was a fan of Orton once upon a time, but now? I really struggle to muster any interest in him, either in or out of the ring. His promos are dreary and his in ring action is nowhere near as interesting as it used to be.

So, despite Randall’s shameless baby-kissing and giant puppy action I’m going to go with my fervent hope that Miz wins and keeps the title until Wrestlemania at least. There’s no mileage in another Orton title run, and if the rumours are true that he’s working injured it would make even less sense. Miz, on the other hand, is the WWE’s new media darling: taking on the promotional duties that would normally fall to Cena and doing a great job of them. Miz deserves a Wrestlemania title defence after the work he’s put in, even if it’s only to lose.

Boss Lady Ray: I’m right in saying that Orton is still injured, right? And I’m right in saying that he’s become pretty boring to watch, yeah? And I’m correct in saying that Miz lights the place up the minute his toothy face arrives on screen, yah? Yah? I agree with Andrew, Miz really deserves to take the title to Wrestlemania, so I think he’ll win this one. I just can’t see him losing to Orton at this stage. He has too much to offer the biggest show of the year. Besides, if he loses that totally screws my Rumble pick, so don’t lose or I’ll stop wearing your t-shirt, Miz. (I won’t.)

Even if Randy isn’t that seriously injured, I think he should go away for a while. I feel a little bit like he’s blending into the background and going through the motions. Randy, take some time off, have a break, put your feet up, watch Cash in the Attic, eat brunch, drink some full-fat lattes and come back refreshed and ready to punt someone in the head. It’s like poetry, isn’t it?

Sidekick Andrew: Spear! Spear! Spear! Actually, we’re more likely to hear “Edgecution! Edgecution! Edgecution!” after Vickie banned the Spear on Friday’s Smackdown. Now, this would usually be deemed slightly unfair but let’s be honest, she has done this before when she banned the Undertaker’s Hell’s Gate move while he was feuding with… erm… Edge! As Derren Brown sung: What Goes Around… Comes Around

Now, it’s no secret we’re huge Dolph fans (or Dolphans as he insists on calling them on twitter) and I definitely want him to take the title at some point this year, but I can’t see it happening before Wrestlemania. I think Edge will win this time, but I’d be very surprised if there was no shenanigans. I suspect Edge will use the Spear behind the ref’s back, maybe while Vickie is distracting him – giving them an excuse to have a rematch at Elimination Chamber.

Having said that, I would be over the moon if I was wrong and Dolph won the title. Sometimes being wrong isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Something which Boss Lady Ray and her slightly askew prediction are very glad of. [BOSS LADY RAY’S EDIT: Set some time aside next week, young man. You’re writing the results show this month.]

Boss Lady Ray: Did Andrew just reference Justin Timberlake? Wow. This is what happens when you spend your time hauled up in a WWII Bunker with me. Anyway, I’m very annoyed with Vickie Guerrero. By banning the Spear she has effectively ruined our Bunker Rumble party. Our plan was to spear an onion ring with a salt & vinegar crunchy stick and scoff it every time Edge hit the Spear or someone hit a Spear-like move. Now, it’s spoilt and we’ll have to eat them separately.

On a more serious note, there’s way too much mileage in this feud between Dolph and Edge. Ex-husband is feuding with ex-wife’s younger, more ripped boyfriend? Come on, there’s months of material in there. It’s soap opera gold! I know it’s all been done before, but I’ve a feeling this squabble will carry through to Wrestlemania where Vickie will be seduced by Edge again and turn on Dolph.  She falls for him every. single. time. Dolph will retain this time, but his days are numbered.

Sidekick Andrew: Yay! The Rumble! And this year it’s a biggie – 40 men (or rather, 40 wrestlers *wink wink*) Last year’s was great, with Punk preaching, Beth battling and Edge entering from nowhere. I’m hoping for good things this year too. There’s a lot of feuds that will collide in the ring: Corre vs Nexus, Punk vs Cena, Barrett vs Cena, Big Show vs Nexus, Sheamus vs HHH (probably) all of which should lead to an interesting match.

There’s a few people I think could win this year. Other than the usual big names that always have a chance, there are a few newer guys that seem to have a good chance. If I was allowed to pick a few then Del Rio, Barrett or Bryan might get a look in…

I can’t believe I spent so long on a crappy photoshop of a magazine none of you will be old enough to remember. On a Saturday night no less… the things we do here in the Bunker for you lot. [BOSS LADY RAY’S EDIT: I remember it. But then, I’m old too. Ah, the good old days. When magazines were 20p] Anyway, happy as I would be to see any of those guys win, I going to go with Punk to win the Rumble. They need someone who can ostensibly main event Wrestlemania and Punk vs Miz could be a great match. Punk also has Nexus behind him, and Bunker favourite Mason Ryan on his side so he’s my pick. The predictable finish would involve Cena, Barret and Punk as the final three, with Barrett and Punk teaming to take out Cena before Punk eliminates Wade.

Of course, there’s always a chance I’m wrong: the Big Show might win. After all he’s the biggest man in the Rumble, and surely someone that big must have an advantage?


Boss Lady Ray: We spent a long time pondering the winner of the Rumble. Like a whole 20 minutes. I know, right? Ages. It’s the most fun match to predict because there are so many variables. My original prediction during this conversation was for Mason Ryan to be around towards the end. Batista comes out as number 30. They eyeball each other, Barri Mason eliminates Dave and that begins a feud leading up to Wrestlemania. Young Buck vs Ageing Legend. Everyone loves that. They eventually become mates and start a tag team, which leads to Batista’s proper farewell. Whaddaya think? OK, before you send me out the room with my tail between my legs, consider the fact that Dave never really had a proper send off. He announced he was retiring, walked out and was never seen again. He’ll be back to beat up Barri at the Rumble. (Sorry, the alliteration was just too good to ignore there.)


My real prediction is Daniel Bryan. I haven’t seen many people predicting him as a winner, which makes me think I’ve either come up with a genius prediction or I’m on totally the wrong track. Here’s my reasoning….. If Edge and Dolph are going to feud through Wrestlemania, they don’t need the Rumble winner challenging for the Heavyweight title and interfering with their fight on Smackdown. With this in mind the Rumble winner needs to come from Raw. If Miz is going to keep the title and Randy’s going to slip away to fix his injured whatever, Miz needs someone new to scrap with at ‘Mania. Daniel Bryan and Miz have beef going back to season one of NXT. Bryan came back after his “firing” and took Miz’s US title, so it makes sense that he would now want to take his WWE Championship. See? It works. Of course, my Rumble prediction relies on my other predictions being correct too. If Randy Orton get the belt back this whole thing is shot to bits.

Have fun watching the Rumble, kids. This is the first PPV we’ve watched live in the Wrestle Bunker for some time, so we’re very excited. I’m off to make a Mason Ryan ice-cream bar now. I’m not even joking.

Sidekick Andrew: Right, you know what happens now. This is the bit where I ask you to put your predictions in the comments and you either don’t bother or you do and your predictions are much better than ours. Either way, thanks for that. Seriously though, I’d genuinely like to know at least who people think will win the Rumble, so if you’ve a spare few seconds please let us know. You know you want to…


10 thoughts on “Head Lock Go! Go! Professional Wrestling: Royal Rumble Predictions

  1. Im probably wrong but I vote:
    Natalia retains
    Miz retains
    Dolph retains
    Punk wins the Rumble (I’d LOVE to see Beth & Kong be 2 of the first 10 entrants & take everyone out for a while)

  2. My predictions:

    LayCool win
    Miz retains
    Dolph wins
    *sigh* I know this may sound odd but Jerry Lawler wins going on to have a match with Miz at Wrestlemania.

    How’s that for insane predictions?!

  3. Well I’m not as detailed as my dear husband but I thought I’d give the predictions a go. Sadly with time spent doing Pro-Wrestling:EVE work and being a mum I’m not as up to date as I’d like to be but it’s the Rumble, it’s my favourite event and I’m going to give the predictions a bash!

    Natalya vs LayCool
    I think Natalya will get the win – I think the feud still has mileage left in it and this prediction is mainly due to me just wanting her to keep the belt! I DON’T think Kong will turn up in this match if she does (I thought that she’d be turning up later in the Rumble, but after she hinted about being in the rumble on Twitter I now have some doubts!) I have more of a hope than a prediction that she’ll clear the ring and do some post match damage rather than side with a team.

    Miz vs Orton
    Miz to retain and I have one reason for this; looking at all the possibilities for Mania matches I just can’t see one with Orton that hasn’t been done to death or that wouldn’t just be, frankly, rubbish. The reason I’m running with Miz is due to my rumble prediction that I shall get to later 😀

    Edge vs Ziggler
    Now, I’m a fan of Dolph and I stick firmly to my theory that HE is actually the son of Perfect (hospital baby switch with McGillicutty) and that he also (somewhat randomly) idolised Billy Gunn while growing up (wild theories are all about the details as I learnt with my other favourite theory that Chris Jericho and Neil Patrick Harris are actually the same person…) however I think Edge will retain this time.
    Although I love Dolph he’s just not ready for that kind of elevation just yet and I fear that it would actually be damaging to his career as I don’t think the crowd will to buy into him being a WrestleMania main event and as I think that the title match with Miz will not be closing the show at Mania then I had to think can I see Dolph in that slot??? The answer is no, I can’t see him as the MAIN event of Mania just yet and I think that if they tried it, the crowd wouldn’t be fully into it and that would be used as ‘proof’ that he can’t draw. You also have to ask yourself the other logical question on this one; if Dolph is about to win the title how come he’s been losing clean to Kofi Kingston??

    And here is the big one; The Royal Rumble
    Okay so here’s the weird thing, when Dann asked me a couple of days back who I thought was going to win the rumble, after going through the other title matches on the card I came out the the only option I could think of:
    Booker T or Kevin Nash:
    every match has been done or doesn’t have enough star power to bring up the mania buy rate. TNA have most of the old stars signed, the others are injured or 100% retired (for now…) and it’s too late to make a guy who’s on the cusp into Mania main event level (Dolph). So what’s left?? And this is where you have to think the way WWE seem to; they don’t want to hire any old guys but they do love to go back to them when they’re scraping the barrel (and it does help that Booker looks considerably younger than his years and that his move set doesn’t require too much of him so he wouldn’t struggle to pull off a good match)
    Dann laughed – oh how he laughed and laughed at me and my wild theories and then today he found out that they do actually appear to be in the Rumble – at which point he had to bow down and admit the shear genius that is me…..granted I’d also kind of predicted The Rock but I predict him for everything cause I would LOVE to seem him in wrestling even though it’s not going to happen.
    So my prediction for the Rumble is for Nash to win putting him vs Miz at Mania and this is why I predict Miz to retain the title; Miz is great on the mic and Nash has got great charisma still and is still great on the mic and to me that is a Mania event that people can be made to care about,not in that vital closing spot but still for the title. It can really be talked up and when it come to the match, if they’ve got people caring, all Miz will have to do is bump like mad for Nash and it’ll be good.
    My other small predictions are:
    Nash won’t come in until right near the end as that man gets injured so bloody easily it’s too much of a risk to put him in before the last….5 (?)
    Booker T will be worked into a feud with someone during the rumble – I think he’ll be in around or just after the half way point but be eliminated early in a dastardly under hand way (maybe by Sheamus as he’s doing the King thing)
    Kong will be in the rumble, with Beth – I’m not so sure on this one now but it would still be great and different and I think it would get a good crowd reaction – my guess would be if this is going to happen it would be in the first half.
    and last but not least; if Daniel Bryan wins the rumble I’ll change my twitter pic to a nude picture of myself for the day – sorry Ray 😛

  4. Of course I remember Look In. I used to cut pictures of Johnny B Badd out of Look In and my brother would shout at me for ruining the James Pond comic strip.
    Simon and I are having a prediction sweep stake but unfortunately he says we have to keep our choices secret 😦 but the winner will win £1!

  5. Figured I’d jump in at the last minute and join in on the predicting…. Gives me something to do while we wait for the PPV to begin.

    As much as I want Natalya to retain, I have a feeling it might be heading back to Laycool. Hoping Natalya can get it back before wrestlemania though….

    Miz needs to retain, can’t bare to think about having to see Orton as champ again.

    Hoping to see Edge retain, Dolph does deserve a run with the belt, but it just doesn’t feel like its his time just yet.

    And for the rumble, its a long shot, but John Morrison to take it out. I know it won’t happen, but if Miz retains till wrestlemania, that means we’d see Miz vs JoMo and that would just be awesome….

  6. My rambling guesses as a new convert to wrestling (so I’m working on a limited knowledge here).

    Diva Championship: Real toss up. Could go either way (though I’d prefer Natalya)

    WWE Championship: Personally I don’t think The Miz has the gravitas to pull off being the champion but he will retain. The sooner they hand it to someone else (like JoMo) the better.

    World Heavyweight Championship: Everything is being stacked against Edge; ergo he will win. I’m a big fan of Doph’s and would like to see him with it though i think they will refrain for reasons mentioned before; they don’t think he is quite there yet to main event.

    Royal Rumble: Cena would seem the safe bet, but I’d like to see ADR or Barrett pull it off. JoMo is an outside chance.

  7. I have spent the last 8 hours reading over your blog, and dying of laughter. This is the best wrestling blog I’ve ever read. You guys rock, keep it up!

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