TLC – CrazySexyPredictions

Well, after last month’s predictions for Survivor Series went reasonably well, it’s time for a new PPV already. This time it’s the second ever TLC show, and a card that hopefully promises some great matches. The Intercontinental Title match and Mysterio vs Del Rio matches in particular look great on paper.

As an aside, as a designer I really like the style of that video and would gladly watch 3 hours of that instead given the chance. Anyway, on with the predictions (and this time we might actually find out which one of us is better at predicting this nonsense.)

Sidekick Andrew: This could be interesting, assuming the WWE actually let the women wrestle. People have commented that this is a direct response to TNA having Mickie James and Tara in a cage match recently, and if that’s the case then this might be the best thing TNA have ever done. The prospect of these four having a good tables match, especially with wrestlers as good as Beth and Natalya, is an exciting one.

Having said that, the WWE preview for this match mentions the fact that Beth has returned to “clean house” and “set the table” while mentioning how Natalya now holds the “Butterfly Title” – none of which bodes well. The fact they took the belt off Lay-Cool and gave it to Natalya, certainly one of the best female wrestlers in the WWE, was apparently a good omen. However, scrapping the Women’s Championship in favour of the Divas Title, and then referring to it as the Butterfly Title shows a worrying lack of respect.

Anyway, that’s a rant for another time. As for this match I’m predicting Beth and Natalya to win. Much as I’ve enjoyed Lay-Cool I think it might be time for them to go their separate ways, and this could be the way to help split them.

Boss Lady Ray: My first reaction to hearing about this match was excitement. You mean there’s a gimmick PPV and the women don’t have to skip the gimmick? Thrilling. Then when we discussed our predictions yesterday I was a little less confident that our four ladies would be allowed to have a true tables match. Then Andrew pointed out that the preview mentioned ‘setting the table’ and I said a word I only save for the most extreme, angry situations. If this match turns out to be anything even slightly akin to the Extreme Makeover match earlier in the year, I might actually cry. I mean it, WWE, If I see even a single tablecloth tomorrow night, a little part of me will die. Oh and I’ll be sending you my dry cleaning bill for when I try to get all the salt water out of my cuffs too.

Having said all that, I do believe Natalya and Beth will win. With Michelle winning her Slammy this week and Layla now more than capable of standing on her own two feet, a parting of the ways may definitely be on the cards and a loss could move things along.

Sidekick Andrew: It’s no secret that we in the Bunker are big fans of Alberrrrrrrto, and this could be a great match. I’d be happier if it was a ladder match though, rather than a “Chairs match” (or, as describes it, an “explosive chairs” match, bringing back memories of that Japanese tournament with Cactus Jack and Terry Funk.)

These two have shown they work well together, which is hardly surprising given their mutual lucha libre heritage, so I’m looking forward to seeing what they come up with this time. I’m just not sure what the addition of chairs will help provide, especially given the (entirely justified) distaste for chairshots in the WWE at the moment. Maybe they’ll channel NXT and have a quick game of musical chairs half way through the match? As for a prediction, I think they’ll give this one to Mysterio, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Del Rio snaps and attacks Rey after the bell making all the childrens cry.

Boss Lady Ray: Andrew has the honour of writing most of this post. I just add my predictions after he finishes putting it together, so it’s a cosy life for me. I’m writing my predictions on  Saturday afternoon so I now have the knowledge that this match isn’t happening quite the way it was originally planned. Thanks for saving me a paragraph, WWE. Had it remained unchanged, I would have chosen Alberto and my reasoning would have been ‘because I love him’.

Sidekick Andrew: As a match, this has “piss-break” written all over it. As a way to lead into a certain hirsute Motorhead fan to return, this has the Boss squealing louder than is strictly necessary. This match is to decide the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship, and really… do you think they’re going to give that to Morrison? No, I didn’t think so.

Sheamus will take this one, leading to him having a title shot at the Rumble only to be interrupted by some hairy bloke spitting water all over the place.

Boss Lady Ray: Ah man, I love big hairy blokes who spits water all over the place. OK, just one in particular. There’s no way on earth they’re giving Morrison arguably the biggest title run in the company. Sheamus is King of the Ring, HHH is rumoured to be returning at the Royal Rumble, Sheamus was the guy who put him out of action and Trips will want to avenge his forced absence. Sheamus will get a title shot at the Rumble and the aforementioned hirsute Motorhead fan will ruin it for him. This stuff is getting easier to predict than Eastenders*.

*This is where I’m proven to be embarrassingly wrong.

Sidekick Andrew: Now, this should be the match of the night as far as I can see. Ladder matches always bring an extra element of danger to a match, and these three guys have had some great matches between themselves recently on Smackdown. We’re both massive fans of Ziggler, and both Kofi and Swagger are impressive in the ring.

Interestingly (at least to those mildly interested in the domestic goings on in the Bunker) this was the match that generated the most debate over our hot Vimto and Welsh cakes. While we both agreed that Ziggler probably shouldn’t retain, the Boss incorrectly decided that Kofi should regain the title he lost to Dolph all those months ago. I on the other hand, using my superior male brain, think Swagger should get the belt – if only because he has a giant seagull or something… [BOSS LADY RAY’S EDIT: Superior male brain? Really? That’s the last time I slave over a cast-iron hotplate making you Welsh cakes, pal.]

Boss Lady Ray: At first I figured they’d just leave the title with Ziggler. But with NXT over, Kaitlyn now busy using her brain to think for both herself and Kelly Kelly and things with Vickie and Dolph a little stale, his reign is probably over for storyline purposes. I was tempted to go with Swagger, but I’ve got ornithophobia, so I’m siding with Kofi. He’s had some great matches lately and he’s been waiting in the wings for another push for some time.

Sidekick Andrew: As you’ll no doubt be sick of me mentioning by now, I don’t watch Raw. Well, I say I don’t watch Raw… but I did watch the two King of the Ring shows which included Cena going rogue and attacking Nexus members and spilling soda. I gather however that David Otunga managed to persuade Barrett to reinstate Cena, using the logic that if he was employed by the WWE he would be less likely to attack them (you know… because if he’s in the same building every week rather than, say, signing on somewhere, he can’t attack you?)

I like Wade Barrett a lot, but I can’t see him winning this one. If WWE have decided it’s time for the Nexus to start to fragment, then it’s time for Cena and Barrett to stop feuding. And if it’s time for Cena and Barrett to stop feuding, that ain’t gonna end with Cena staring at the lights. Oh, and before you ask, yes I am fully aware that I started that sentence with the word “and” which makes me a terrible person.

Boss Lady Ray: I agree.  I do think it’s time for Cena and Barrett to stop feuding, which is why I think Barrett will take it. Cena’s been reinstated. He got to live another day and fight the good fight for the rest of his adult life. If  he loses, it won’t dent his career at all. If Wade wins, that might be just what he needs to seal his position for the next year. And, you know, I love him.  Oh, and before you ask, yes I am fully aware that I started several sentences in this post with the word “and”, which makes me an excellent person.

Sidekick Andrew: While I have said that I think King Sheamus will also be crowned Number One Contender on Sunday, I don’t think he’ll take the belt from The Miz. Miz has come too far to have a short reign, and the way he is being pushed as the new spokesman for the WWE makes me think they’ll keep him as champ through to Wrestlemania at least.

I can’t see him losing to Orton at the PPV. A tables match generally means no disqualification so A-Ri (or whatever his name is) can assist Miz, basically making this a handicap match. Plus, let’s face it, we don’t need more Orton promos with… him… speaking… very… slowly…then… looking… down… and… to… the… left…

Boss Lady Ray: Oh please. Miz’s belt-grab was so long in the making and he’s the golden boy of mainstream media promotion. There would no logic whatsoever in giving the title back to Snooze-Pants Orton. Grapple-peacock about a bit-punt in the head-get fake angry-punch the mat without letting your member scuff the canvas-RKO-zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Miz has got it all and, as I pontificated over my breakfast omelette this morning, you can help someone to improve in the ring, but you can’t teach charisma. This is why his former tag-partner John Morrison is struggling to claw his way out of the mid-card, while Miz is defending the WWE Championship. Incidentally, if it could just stop snowing long enough for my Miz t-shirt to be delivered from the Royal Mail depot where its being held against its will, that would be ace. I paid the customs charge five days ago and people need to know I’m awesome. Thanks.

Sidekick Andrew: Dear WWE. I like Kane a lot. I have liked him for a long time now. I liked him when he was silent and masked. I liked him with his weird robot voice box thing. I even liked him when he was teaming with Rob Van Dam and Rob bought him Hungry Hungry Hippos. I also like Edge. I liked him in The Brood with the Fattest Vampire in the West (copyright White Wolf Game Studios.) I liked him when he reeked of awesomeness and played the kazoo and made Christian wear a chicken suit. I liked his transformation into sleazy sex god rock star. I even liked it when he beat up that laptop.

So why oh why do I hate this feud. Oh yeah, that’s it… it’s because the “face” has kidnapped an elderly man and has routinely humiliated and tortured him, making his son believe that he was severely injured or even killed on numerous occasions. The “heel” on the other hand has been distraught, to the point where he has begged tearfully for the safe return of his father, the only person to ever show him genuine love and affection. Stupid stupid stupid…

Hopefully Edge wins this, stops messing about with Kane and Paul Bearer and goes back to being great.

Andrew’s Saturday Morning Edit – OK, so after all that the WWE decided (again) to change the matches around a bit at the last minute and throw Mysterio and Del Rio into the WHC match. That’s a shame, not just because I can’t be arsed making a new graphic but also because I was looking forward to their match. Still, a Fatal 4 Way TLC match has the potential to be really fun, like a mini Money in the Bank match. Strangely enough, I think this favours Del Rio more than Mysterio so I’m torn between Alberto or Edge winning the match and gaining the title. Hmm…I’m going to go with Del Rio, if only because the extra smugness factor of his entrances will be amazing to watch

Boss Lady Ray: As previously mentioned in this post, I’m the second predictor, which means I have the luxury of predicting this match as it actually stands. When it was just Kane and Edge I was going to go with Edge, with the Undertaker somehow getting involved. I hadn’t got as far as considering exactly what he’d do when they changed the match.

My gut feeling is that Edge will win this one, still with some kind of appearance from the Undertaker. But something’s telling me to take a cheeky punt on Del Rio. Mysterio’s due the break he was promised about a year ago, Kane’s floundering a bit and had the title for far too long, Edge could happily retain but Del Rio’s been getting such a massive push lately, it’s hard to imagine he’ll be without some kind of waist-bling for much longer. Also the smugness. Imagine how loud those horn beeps would get!


Well, that’s what we think. As with last time though, we want to know what you lot think will happen. Disagree with our picks? Let us know in the comments. Think that Hungry Hungry Hippos was a silly gift for Kane? Let us know in the comments. Foreign and want to know whether a “hot Vimto” is a steamy fruity drink, or a steamy, fruity sexual reference? Let us know in the comments (and you have my pity, you’re really missing out. Nothing warms the cockles like a good hot Vimto)


3 thoughts on “TLC – CrazySexyPredictions

  1. ok i better do it right this time, here i go!

    -beth and nattie win
    -i see morrison winning due to trips returning to cost sheamus, the earliest the better i think
    -swags wins the gold and then feuds with kofi while ziggler moves up the card
    -cena will squash barret only to have nexus beat the crap out of him again
    -miz wins, nuff said
    -either edge or del rio win this one

    i hope this time i get them right

  2. Okay so I’ve looked at the card, as per the norm I still have not watched any SD and I haven’t watched Raw since the night after the last PPV so why I’m doing this….I don’t know. I must love something rotten to be putting myself through this, even more so as this is effectively WWE meets TNA in the over-the-top gimmick match formula. Every match a gimmick? I f’n hate that. I can only hope that they’ve found away around a repetitive nature and I assume the “Chairs Matches” will end in pinfall and will be more in the build up to a chair shot rather than constant use meaning we can have a half decent contest although nobody is going to buy into any falls prior to seeing a chair used. Anyway it’s the wifes birthday so I can’t go into as much detail as last time as she’s giving me the evil stairs so I best get onto my predictions for TNA’s presentation of WWE TLC.

    6 matches with 1 being a Diva’s Table Match which won’t be given the longest time in the world more than likely means that we’ll get an additional match, perhaps non-gimmick (for consistency reasons in the commercials etc they wouldn’t advertise this in advance), I’d presume this would be a Daniel Bryan match but as I have no clue as to whether or not he’s got a program going on right now I can’t predict who it would be against. Only other thing I can think of is if it’s something to push NXT which it seems nobody is watching. Who knows, but I assume there will be a 7th match tonight.

    Diva’s Tag Team Tables match
    Tonights the night where we start building up to WrestleMania by setting up Royal Rumble. One would like to think that Mania will be Beth v Nattie, if that’s the case they need to keep the duo as a unit for a lot lot longer, however a Diva’s singles match at Mania?? Hmmm….They like as much eye candy on the screen as possible at Mania so it’s doubtful. But hey, we can all hope, right? I don’t really know what’s been going on TV wise and even I’m bored already of LayCool v Nattie even if it does now feature Beth. They seriously need to bring someone else in to feud with Nattie for a bit. I’d hope for a Nattie/Beth win and move Nattie into a program with someone else for a bit before bringing her back with Beth and setting something up there.

    Prediction: Nattie and Beth

    Dolph v Kofi v Swagger Ladder Match
    I feel bad for the guys in this match. These guys are going out on a PPV to be the car chase / action sequence of the movie. I hope they don’t kill themselves too much. Dolph and Kofi especially. Swagger won’t take too many high impact bumps. Hardly anyone is going to be buying this PPV, it isn’t going to be moving anyone up the card and so ultimately they’ll be killing themselves for the company. All good workers (Dolph especially, 21st Century Curt Hennig there), guys need elevating / freshening up too (Dolph and Kofi need to be kept away for a while). Kofi needs something, Swagger is lost in the shuffle and Dolph has been my favourite guy to watch this year and I see true main event potential in him. In fact I’m going to go with Dolph on this with a hope that it leads to Edge vs Dolph for the title at the Rumble as Vickie Guerrero in the opposite corner of Edge hasn’t really been played up enough as far as I know. Bit of a risk on that one because I’m more certain about the next prediction and two main title matches featuring main eventer v midcard act is a bit of a gamble….What am I on about? Keep reading…..

    Predicition: Dolph Ziggler

    John Morrison vs Sheamus for #1 contender Ladder Match

    Morrison. We’re building up for Rumble where the title matches tend to feature at least one Main Eventer vs Midcard / High-Midcard (Chris Benoit, Hardcore Holly, Mark Henry, Umaga, Kennedy, Jeff Hardy etc), match which can be done with little risk to buy rates as the Royal Rumble match itself is the true main event. Miz vs Morrison is the way forward here with Sheamus being in the ring during the Rumble match itself when HHH returns as an entrant (unless he comes back tonight that is…)

    Prediction: Morrisson

    John Cena vs Wade Barrett

    They’ve kinda made Barrett look like a prick and killed the impact of Nexus from what I can tell. Certainly made him look a prick at the end of the last PPV with the finish coming out of nowhere like that. Barrett needs his heat back. Presumably we’re heading to Barrett v Undertaker at Mania. Now While Cena needs to get his big victory against Nexus at some point soon I feel that they need to give Barrett some heat and credibility back so a victory and an angle here to perhaps lead to a Last Man Standing match or whatever at Rumble (to make up for for the two title matches featuring mid-carders as I predicted earlier – certainly hoped for in the case of one).

    Prediction: Barrett

    Orton v Miz (C) – Tables Match WWE Title match

    A win by putting an opponent through a table. Not the kind of first PPV win The Miz needs. Looking ahead to Mania Cena vs Miz is certainly a possibility but does it back up enough main event name value for the biggest PPV of WWE’s year? Not right now, no although it IS intriguing however build up Miz nicely and you might have something. I know people keep saying Orton v Cena for Mania but we saw that feud done to death over the last couple of years so I really hope they don’t go that route . I don’t know how they’re going to do this as Orton is going to have to go in another direction if it’s Miz v Morrisson at Royal Rumble unless they make it a triple threat match which adds to the name value of the title match but takes Orton out of the rumble. Lots of possibilities but certainly Miz to win this.

    The Miz

    TLC – Kane (C) vs Edge vs Alberto Del Rio vs Rey Mysterio World Title match

    I hate to see Kane lose his title this way but WWE don’t like having a heel as champ for both brands. One would speculate looking at WWE putting Del Rio in this contest is a way to get the belt on him but another way to look at it is to see this as a way of elevating Del Rio in a match with 3 main eventers and have him lose without him putting someone over 1-2-3 or submission style. Also looking ahead I can’t envision a quick title reign doing much for his career and he isn’t established enough to head into Mania as champion. Mysterio is hurt so he’s not a wise choice and in a 4 way he can limit what he does in the ring even if it is a TLC match, perhaps they’ll even do an injury spot here for him to go out and have Edge battle the 2 on 1 odds in terms of face and heels. SD wise looking ahead to Mania I have no idea who they can have headline their title match as their doesn’t seem to be any babyfaces from the midcard scene being elevated. Either way only thing that makes sense to me is to go with Edge on this.

    Prediction: Edge.

    If all this happens, I will say Royal Rumble doesn’t look like a bad card but all the more reason to believe it won’t happen! Only way to find out though……YouTube in the morning because you can eff off if you think this is a PPV I’m gonna shell out £15 for :-p

  3. My magical crystal ball helped me predict wins for Edge, Miz, Barrett, Sheamus, Nattie & Beth, & Swagger. It runs on caffiene & the tears of small children so I don’t know how accurate it’ll be.

    Oh & I assumed Vimto was a vegemite-like spread (eww).

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