n3xt: and so it begins… (the director’s cut)

Yikes. I wasn’t sure what to expect from NXT this series. I mentioned “worried trainwreck-type feelings” last week but if I’m honest that was partly born of pessimism and a hope that I would be pleasantly surprised. Let’s face it though, the only way you could be pleasantly surprised by the opening episode of N3XT would be if you had expected an X-Rated reenactment of the Katie Vick storyline with Eli Cottonwood playing HHH and a returning Big Daddy V playing the corpse.
Also, I now have “interracial gay fat porn” in my internet search history
[BOSS LADY RAY’S EDIT: If you happen to have found your way to this blog by Googling the statement above….. oh dear. Byeeeee!]
So now we’ve seen the first episode, is anybody actually expecting much from NXT this series? Judging by the opening episode that train-wreck is edging closer and closer. Getting past the new theme music is tricky enough, Boss Lady Ray for one was most upset at the loss of Wild and Young. Also on a purely aesthetic level, the addition of purple to the colour scheme doesn’t work for me I’m afraid. But they are nitpicking really, a way of avoiding talking about the true horrors to come.
Speaking of coming…
Seriously, this isn’t just a “heh… look at Goldust’s face! He looks like he’s really enjoying himself” joke. Read his twitter feed, the guy’s smitten.
Mind you, “Sinister Rape Genie” Primo doesn’t come across much better…
The whole show had the air of embarrassment about it, from Michael Cole fluffing his opening piece about “All-Rookie Divas” to Kelly Kelly reading her Rookie’s introduction from some kind of internal autocue. I’m struggling to find many positives for this series so far. The dance competition, which by now you are fully aware of, was just painful to watch, for the most part (despite the odd Striker-ism to lighten the mood) and the wrestling matches  were as painful as you would expect from a tag match where Kelly Kelly is the most talented of the four competitors.
However, there was one shining light this week. The one person that can hopefully raise this series from the depths. As you will remember from careful study of last weeks recap, Vickie Guerrero “sacked” her Rookie Aloisia. As always in wrestling, there’s a number of rumours flying round as to what actually happened – rumours which I’ll leave to other sites to go on about. However, who would her replacement be?
Oh Kaitlyn! Where have you been all my life? How do I adore thee? Let me count the ways.
1. Let’s not be coy here, she is very pretty and she has a great figure. And yes, by “figure” I mean “pair of boobs”. For all my blustering about women’s wrestling being more than just T&A (or TNA for that matter) and how in-ring ability is a must have, if we’re honest as wrestling fans I think we’ll all agree that appearance plays a large part in the popularity of certain wrestlers, male or female.
The majority of wrestlers at the top of the pile aren’t exactly hideous monsters (unless of course that’s their gimmick.) Cena, Orton, Punk, Edge, Jericho: I’m comfortable enough in my sexuality to say that they’re all good-looking guys. Even people like Matt bloody Hardy, the bane of my existence, has a certain appeal to some (at least that’s the impression I get when I insult him on here.)
Rightly or wrongly, we all prefer to look at people on screen that are attractive, and as such these people will become more popular with us. For example, I’ve made no secret in the past that I am a huge fan of Beth Phoenix, and I will be the first to admit that a lot of that is to do with the fact that she’s very attractive. Just to address the balance, Boss Lady Ray is the same: look at her obsessions over the course of this esteemed publication – John Cena, Randy Orton, CM Punk, HHH, Evan Bourne, Eli Cottonwood… all good wrestlers, all people that she finds attractive. The two things are inextricably linked in a business at least partly based on appearance.
2. She can act! Apart from a slightly rambling opening promo, her timing and mannerisms seem to be better that most of the Pros on this series already. I’ll be honest and say that, other than a few semi-naked photos, I don’t know much about Kaitlyn before NXT, but I assume there was some acting training in there somewhere. Her facial expressions, the way she reacted to Vickie throughout, her comic timing during the dance off – all point to someone with a talent for acting.
3. She’s actually a really good wrestler…
Well OK, I’ve no idea if she can wrestle at all. At this point I’m desperately hoping she can, otherwise I’m going to be really embarrassed at some time in the future. The thing is, she doesn’t need to be a brilliant wrestler to be a brilliant “Diva” – with the acting skills and good looks she only needs to be able to wrestle as well as someone like Maria could, and you could easily have her in the backstage-interviewer, occasionally getting beat up by the more powerful Divas. A big part of wrestling is the emotional pull of the babyface underdog getting beaten by a stronger heel opponent. As long as Kaitlyn can pull off a few basic moves and can sell as well as I think she’ll be able to, there’s a career there for the taking.
Hmmm… I had every intention of writing this as a regular recap, or at the very least a rant damning the treatment of women wrestlers on NXT, but somehow it’s turned into an almost cringeworthy treatise on “How I adore Kaitlyn, she’s so dreamy.”
Oh well, hopefully this week’s episode will feature a decent amount of wrestling and I can get back to writing about that. Oh, who am I kidding – it’ll be a pillow fight won’t it?


2 thoughts on “n3xt: and so it begins… (the director’s cut)

    • I’d love to argue the case that you should take the time out to watch it, but really I’m finding it hard to justify. Other than the Vickie-Dolph-Kaitlyn love triangle, and the possibility of a new (better) commentator replacing Cole, there really aren’t any positive points to speak of.

      It’s a shame, because although I’m a big fan of women’s wrestling, I’m just not sure this is a valid representation of it… but that’s a rant for another day – stay tuned!

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