nxt: first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women…

So, the second series of NXT finished last week. As you are all no doubt aware by now, Kaval won. This was presumably due to the fact that the WWE are avid readers of this blog and form the majority of their booking decisions based on what we write. We’re the reason Matt Hardy hasn’t had a World Championship run yet. It’s OK, you’re welcome. No need to thank us.

Unfortunately however, apart from the actual winner reveal the only other thing of major note was a highly inexplicable brawl that happened afterwards. The losing Rookies stormed the ring and attacked Kaval. Then the Pros eventually ambled into the ring to save him. Then the Rookies and Pros kind of flailed at each other for a while. Then Alex Riley and Michael Thingy got back in the ring, where they started to attack the other Rookies, before remembering they were supposed to on their side. Then the Pros just got out of the ring and stood ineffectually a few feet away while everyone hit Kaval with their finishers. It was very strange, and I’m honestly not sure what the point of it was, other than to prove that most of them weren’t in a position to be on television in the first place. At one point Titus O’Neill “took” MVP’s Yakuza Kick in the corner, then walked away showing no sign that the move had ever happened – which at least led to this:

OK MVP, I take back what I said last week. Sorry

Anyway, of more import was the fact that they announced the Rookies for Series Three, and as rumoured it was an all-female line-up, at least for the Rookies. Ordinarily I would list them all and give a little background, but unfortunately the WWE insist on using FCW wrestlers that nobody outside the US gets a chance to see with any regularity. In fact, now we’ve established the influence and power that we hold over WWE, can we make a request that they start posting FCW episodes online somewhere? If nothing else, a certain lady that we all know and love would really appreciate the opportunity to get prepared for Mason Ryan…

Because of this I don’t know that much about any of the Rookies this time. In fact, despite what some Diva-based Dirt sheets might try to convince you about AJ Lee, there isn’t even an “indie darling” to get behind this series. This leaves us in the strange position of having an all-female roster who will be given a pretty short time to try and get themselves over as wrestlers, rather than eye-candy. As you’ll see, the Pros that have been chosen aren’t going to do much to help dispel the worried trainwreck-type feelings many of us are feeling either. But, being the dedicated contributor to this wonderful blog that I am (not to mention the fear of Boss Lady Ray’s anger sending shivers down my spine) I will attempt to introduce the Season 3 Rookies and Pros as best I can. Wish me luck…

“Primo is one of the most energetic young Superstars in WWE, so it’s only fitting that this San Juan-born competitor take the high-flying A.J. under his wing.  Like her WWE Pro, A.J. is of Puerto Rican descent, and the duo certainly has a lot in common. But will these similarities translate to victory in NXT season three for this exciting NXT Rookie Diva?”

Hmm… Primo? Really? I assume he was picked so he could discuss his fierce ruby slippers with his Rookie or something. As I intimated, some people have suggested that she will be the “internet darling” and focus of Michael Cole’s hatred this series, but seeing as she has a minimal amount of experience and exposure compared to Bryan or Kaval, I can’t see this happening personally. Still, by all accounts she’s not a bad wrestler compared to the others, so fingers crossed…

GEEK FACT: A.J. has seen all the “Friday the 13th” movies

“For nearly 15 years, Goldust has competed inside a WWE ring. The former Intercontinental Champion brings a great deal of experience to WWE NXT and will no doubt have a great deal of knowledge to offer his NXT Rookie Diva, Aksana. With her enthusiasm for fitness and competition, under The Bizarre Oneís tutelage, the Lithuanian-born beauty will surely be a favorite on WWE NXT season three.”

While I’m not sure of logic of having Primo mentor a female Rookie, Goldust fits very well. Obviously from a gimmick point of view, but also as a wrestler. He’s really come on over the last couple of years and seems to be in the best shape and wrestling ability he has been for ages. All I know about Aksana on the other hand is that she played the Tony Atlas role in the FCW version of the Abraham Washington show, and had a really annoying voice.

GEEK FACT: Aksana takes hot tea with milk and sweetener

“Although the WWE Universe may recognize Jamie as the beautiful blonde behind the microphone as the ring announcer for NXT, sheís ready to take off the heels and step between the ropes in a new role: Competitor. With the talented and naturally athletic duo of the The Bella Twins as her Pros, will NXT season three be double the fun – or prove to be double the trouble – for the Sarasota, Fla., native?”

Strangely, someone they brought in as a ring-announcer is now being pushed as a wrestler, something I can’t remeber happening before. I know Savannah/Angela Fong was a wrestler in FCW, but she I don’t recall her ever getting a match in the WWE? Anyway, Jamie Keyes (all the wrestlers seem to have lost their last names for some reason) is an almost capable ring announcer, but I have no idea how she’ll do in the ring. Although let’s hope she isn’t relying on her Pros for help and advice, unless one of the competitions involves standing next to a C-List celebrity host half-heartedly pretending to flirt.

GEEK FACT: Jamie enjoys looking at pictures in Playboy (that doesn’t sound right…)

“NXT Rookie Diva Maxine has a champagne taste with a champagne budget. Her confidence and beauty are only matched by her fierce nature when it comes to getting what she wants. And what she wants is the best of everything. Who better to be her WWE Pro than former Divas Champion Alicia Fox, whose stunning beauty and fierce determination has made her one of the top Divas on Monday Night Raw?”

Nope… not going to touch this one. I’ve been called racist before now for daring to impugn Alicia’s wrestling ability, so I’ll leave you to write your own jokes about how Maxine is a particularly unthreatening name for a wrestler, or how Alicia could maybe teach her how to botch even the most simple of moves – but if you do, then you’re racist too…

GEEK FACT: Maxine thinks Tajiri weighs too much to be a cruiserweight. (OK. That’s a strange thing to come out with. Sounds familiar though…)

“They’re spunky, they’re sporty and they both look great in a pair of pink high-tops. With all these similarities, NXT Rookie Diva Naomi and the sexy, smart and powerful Kelly Kelly should be tighter than a pair of spandex pants. So will these connections help the aspiring young competitor reach the top? Or do the former Orlando Magic dancer and the beautiful blonde have too much in common for their own good?”

OK. First things first. Searching for an image to use of Naomi Night, I accidentally did a Google Image Search for Naomi Knight instead. Not the same person at all, although the words “spunky” “sexy” and “spandex pants” in that WWE.com description were surprisingly accurate for both. I realise that anything I type here now is going to be ignored by most of our male readers as they visit for Google for some research, but actually I can’t tell you much about her either; other than the fact that in her picture on wwe.com she appears to be some of those trainers from Back to the Future.

GEEK FACT: Naomi & Shannon have ‘Moore Mattitude’ than their opponents.

Wait a minute, these aren’t bloody Geek Facts at all! They’re bloody Matt Facts! Bloody bloody Matt bloody Hardy getting his own back! Grr…

You never know, this might turn out to be a pleasant surprise. A.J. might turn out to be pretty good, and hopefully a couple of the others might be tolerable. Frankly I’m not sure, but there’s always the mystery 6th Rookie. Who will Vickie have got to replace Aloisa? Oh, sorry.. forgot to mention her didn’t I? She was the 6’9″ blonde who Vickie apparently “fired” before the first show has even broadcast.

Yep, that’s them. Sorry… her. That’s her. Nobody seems sure what’s actually gone on but I wouldn’t be surprised if she turns up at some point in the series. As to who will replace her, nobody knows: Sara Del Rey? Awesome Kong? Mae Young? Santina? By the time I get round to writing anything else we’ll know, and hopefully it’s someone awesome and the series can be saved. But in case it isn’t, I shall leave you with this thought: if the Bible has taught us nothing else – and it hasn’t – it’s that girls should stick to girls’ sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such.