raw(lite): nnnnnnnno!

I’m fully aware that the pages of this blog have been a little sparse of late. Sorry about that. These are busy times and summoning up the energy to be funny at the end of the day when you’re not feeling especially well isn’t all that easy. Thankfully, there’s some free time in the not too distant future, so the pages should be all plump and juicy again very soon. I appreciate your patience.

In the meantime, let’s take a swift look back at this week’s Raw before tonight’s PPV.

The Nexus unveiled their cheapy, new t-shirts:

Alicia Fox beat Gail Kim in an early Divas match while Eve Torres, lovely as she is, stumbled and fumbled through her ringside commentary. Please give these girls some extra mic training. They deserve some guidance. On the plus side, Eve will be getting a title rematch at the PPV.

Could someone tell me where this dress is from, please? Not kidding.

In more exciting Women’s Wrestling news, the Hart Dynasty vs the Usos + Tamina was far more entertaining and their tag-title match at the PPV should be even better.

Wade Barrett thanked Chris Jericho for his mentorship…..I swooned a little. Then Barrett pulled all his pals together to beat up nice-guy Yoshi Tatsu. I frowned a little.

Maryse made me feel totally in adequate in her bejewelled frock, but I felt much better when John Morrison, of all people, managed to successfully insult her and turn her angry enough to make her scrunch her face up and look mildly less attractive.

Some woman from The Brady Bunch was randomly guest hosting, which only had merit in that it made William Regal even more awesome.

Edge and Orton had a solid match, in which Jericho interrupted to help Edge win, before Codebreaking Edge himself and finding himself at the business end of an RKO. To add to the excitement of it all, Evan Bourne ran in get his piece of the Orton pie. And then, just when you thought it couldn’t get any more thrilling……

I know. I. KNOW.

Miz cut an in-ring promo during which he crowed about injuring R-Truth to such an extent that he can no longer compete in the MITB match. He looked a little frightened when the GM sent Mark Henry out to take Truth’s place, but Miz held him at bay by emptying the cleanest bin-full of rubbish ever compiled by an intern over Henry’s head. Mark Henry – the World’s Strongest Man – brought to his knees by a snotty tissue and couple of carrier bags.

Literally and figuratively

Falling into the category of kisses I never want to see again was:

Followed by a kiss that only exists in my head:

John Cena fought off all six Nexus members present in the main event, applying all his signatures and finishers to leader-man Wade Barrett in quick succession. But the might of the Justin Gabriel 360-Splash left Cena a broken man. Nah. I kid. John Cena is never truly broken. Even while bleeding from the eye-socket. He slipped under the ropes, whacked Heath Slater with a chair and was supported in the fight-back by Sheamus. SHEAMUS! Yeah, it makes no sense to me either.