NXT EP. 4: every day is exactly the same

Well, there’s no getting away from the fact that NXT Series Two is shorter than Series One. This week’s episode contained a particularly unwelcome reminder of this in the introduction of the wonderful Keg Carrying competition. In the first series we at least got all the way until the seventh episode before this crap turned up, but we’re only four weeks in this time. This can’t be a good sign, and presumably means we’ll be back watching wrestlers pretend that drinking pop is somehow beyond their capabilities before we know it.

I’ve been quite happy with this second series so far, and I’d let myself believe that the stupid games from last series had been dumped with the series being shorter. Turns out I’d let the WWE lull me into a false sense of security and now they’re all laughing at me in Connecticut…

Anyway, enough moaning, let’s get on with it…

This being the debut appearance of the Pros’ Poll this series, and with live voting happening on wwe.com, the show was broadcast live. Unfortunately this was self-evident from the very start with poor Ashley Valence managing to botch her very first line…

Never mind Ashley, fortunately nobody watches NXT anymore so I'm sure you got away with it

Ashley explained (in a manner of speaking) that the live voting had opened and introduced the NXT Rookies, Matt Striker presumably still in hiding after Husky sat on him last week.  A slightly interesting thing to note, last series the only Rookie with his own t-shirt was Michael Tarver: this week we had a few guys with t-shirt designs…

So, from this we can extrapolate that Lucky Cannon, Kaval and Husky Harris have had a bit of time and money spent on their shirts, whereas Titus O’Neil was sent out with $20 and asked to source his own. I’m sure this won’t be any kind of indication as to how long he might last for though…

As well as the crazy Keg Carry competition, Ashley also announced the super shocking return of the SURPRISE ELIMINATION, therefore further ruining any goodwill they may have gained by NOT BLOODY CHANGING THE BLOODY RULES EVERY BLOODY WEEK!

Ominously announced as the “very first Rookie Challenge of Season Two” and incorrectly described as the “Ever popular Keg Carry,” Matt Striker announced this round with the intense joy of someone who really just wants to stick two fingers up and tell me to “go away”…

First up, Micheal McDiddlepussy who managed to drop the keg pretty much instantly…

Next up, Lucky Cannon, who’s still pretty dull to be honest. He did manage to get the fastest time though and therefore gain immunity from the SHOCKING SUPER SECRET SURPRISE SACKING!

Percy Watson next, and the strain of carrying the keg (and ignoring Cole’s clumsy comments about looking more like a wine drinker) really showed on his face…

Second only to The Great Khali for Boss Lady Ray’s affection, Eli Cottonwood was the next to flail around the ring carrying an empty beer keg for no discernible reason.

This is like the Diet Cole ad for her

[BOSS LADY RAY’S EDIT: All I will say is this…. MFK is a dangerous game. I’m stupidly terrified of Eli Cottonwood and have no desire to boff the Great Khali, despite what my staff tell you!]

Bored with these yet? At least you didn’t have to watch it, and we’re only half way through the Rookies. Rookie Five was Kaval, and after warming up with some hindu squats he picked the keg, threw it on to his shoulder and sped around the ring… stopping only to slap Michael Cole and kiss Josh Mathews on his way to the finish line.

Actually, that’s not strictly true… he took the microphone from Striker and explained that the keg weighed as much as he did, and that he would rather prove himself in the ring -refusing to take part in the challenge and gaining a cheer of respectful solidarity from the staff at the Bunker.

Time for “Big” Titus O’Neil to come on down and, in the Dean’s words, “make an impression”

Aww, come on gravity... you used to be cool

Oops. Well, hopefully this won’t affect his chances of getting through to next week 😉

After that, Husky Harris took his turn, tripping at the second ring post and dropping the keg. His post-challenge interview with Matt Striker was understandably a bit tense after last week, but mostly passed without incident.

Last Rookie to take part was Alex “A-Rod” Riley whose time was OK, but whose finish could do with some work.

After that debacle, we had a nice introductory video explaining a bit about the enigma that is Percy Watson – during which he explained that, among other things, he used to run a limousine company…

I'm sure it's just a coincidence

Following that was a singles match between Husky Harris and MVP which dragged on and on and on, made interesting only by Josh’s constant shilling of Harris as an “army tank with a Ferrari engine” capable of surprisingly athletic feats – hell, he’s even able to perform a HBK-esque kip up!

well, almost...

MVP won the match, but it really was dull so we’ll say no more about it. Second match of the night was a bit more fun though, given that it was a Trios match, and as I’m sure the boss will be telling you soon, Trios matches are the future. This match was Lucky Cannon, Kaval and Michael McSillyPutty against Eli “Dreamboat” Cottonwood, Alex Riley and Titus O’Neil.

Rather strangely (if not surprisingly) this Main Event match featuring six Rookies that both we and the Pros are supposed to be evaluating was half the length of the previous match. Still, overall it was pretty good, with Kaval in particular pulling out some impressive moves and getting the pin after a Warriors Way to Alex Riley.

Now, just to make a point. The Warriors Way is a “top rope double stomp”. Not to get all Wikipedia on you, but basically this means he goes to the top turnbuckle, then jumps off and lands on you feet first. That might not sound too devastating given that the turnbuckles are only about 5′ high, until you see the move in action…

Anyway, Kaval won and his Pros were understandably happy:

Finally, we had the results of the Pros’ Poll and the first elimination. As you may have guessed by the not so subtle clues elsewhere in this recap, Titus O’Neil came last in the poll and gave a frankly bizarre farewell speech comparing performing in NXT with fighting cancer or losing someone in Afghanistan.

I would recap the whole thing but, between you and me, it’s gone 2.30pm and I’m still not dressed which is slightly slovenly of me so instead I’ll give you a video of the elimination to watch

Now onto next week, where we’ll no doubt see Kaval, Eli & Lucky eliminated by WWE management after being forced to sell programs while drinking two litre bottles of Dandelion & Burdock and juggling old Boglins with the arms ripped off. Actually, that sounds slightly interesting – see you there!


One thought on “NXT EP. 4: every day is exactly the same

  1. Another flawless recap right for the beginning! I totally agree with you – the Keg challenge was completely useless and the Husky/MVP match never ends.

    Keep up with the Percy face jokes!
    And of course, spread the Eli love~

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