As you are no doubt aware, last was Guest Post Week here at wrestlegasm.com, and while I occupied myself during the short break removing mysterious stains from my dressing gown, the incessant WWE were not prepared to have a week off broadcasting NXT. So this week is a bit different from normal as I’ll be covering the last 2 weeks and trying to see where we’re up to in our search for the WWE’s next “Next WWE Breakout Star”
I know it was a while back, but cast your minds back to Episode One of this series: the Rookies and Pros were introduced: we saw the start of the comedy genius that is Laycool & Kaval: Percy Watson demonstrated his facial expression: and we ended with the Rookies being beaten down by the Pros as a “welcome initiation” of sorts.
Anyway, everyone caught up? Good, because it’s time to go…
Week Two opened with a very happy Matt Striker in the ring, discussing the beat down from last week. Striker, presumably getting carried away with the excitement of his upcoming birthday, came to the frankly baffling conclusion that the best way to sort out the bad feeling from last week was to bring out the Rookies and Pros and gather them in the ring. Because, you know, that worked out so well last week didn’t it Matthew?
Striker then asked MVP to explain to the kids (seriously, he called them the kids) why they had done what they had last week. MVP gave a rousing speech on how the Rookies had to be prepared to work hard and let bygones be bygones. Quite honestly it was a speech worthy of Churchill, worthy of Martin Luther King, hell… it was even better than Triple H’s speech to the Tough Enough candidates (I’ll be in so much trouble when the boss reads that line).
On to the first match, and Kaval faced Alex Riley one on one. The hyper serious warrior Kaval, now described as cute and cuddly by his mentors Laycool, was introduced again in much the same was as Daniel Bryan in Series One, showing clips of his career before WWE and mentioning his titles in Japan. Laycool joined the commentary team while Ray squealed “Kicks!”
Laycool were great on commentary, despite the fact I’m not the biggest fan of Michelle McCool. Any commentary team that can come out with “Oooh, not his face!” and “Ow… that had to hurt a little bit” have a future in this series. Riley got the win after avoiding the Warrior’s Way from Kaval, but it wasn’t all bad for Kaval as his mentors were on hand to comfort him.
Next up, at least after the obligatory quarter-hour of “here’s Bret Hart getting beat up” and “here’s what’s happening at the PPV on Sunday”, was a tag match – Mark Henry and Lucky Cannon vs Kofi Kingston and Michael MacGilly… Magilicud… McGillicutty? However you spell it. Anyway, they were introduced by the new ring announcer, Jamie Keyes who then proceeded to demonstrate her skills at synchronised marching with Kofi.
Not a bad match, Michael Whatsisname looks like he could be one of the best wrestlers in this season’s Rookies. Lucky Cannon is OK, albeit lumbered with a stupid gimmick. Apparently he helped a friend who was being attacked and got hit in the head with a lead pipe and ended up in a coma? Which is quite a weakness in the WWE, a place where the WWE Champion regularly wields a lead pipe
Cole also dropped the bombshell that Lucky Cannon holds the world record for shoelace fastening, something which my extensive research (well, typing “world record shoelace” into Google) has failed to verify.
Michael McGiggleflurry got the pin on Cannon after a spinning neckbreaker. This led to the usual “Hey pros? What do you think of the Rookies?” question and answer session. First up, Cody Rhodes (sorry, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.) “Dashing” Cody Rhodes accused Lucky Cannon of having a “really dumb look on his face” A statement which I will leave you to decide the accuracy of.
“Dashing” Cody Rhodes went on to slate Lucky, calling him all style and no substance. Luckily (hah!), Lucky had Mark Henry to stick up for him, and challenged “Dashing” Cody Rhodes to a match against Lucky. This seemed to excite Striker again, so much that he jogged up the ramp to ask “Dashing” Cody Rhodes if he would take on the challenge.
Yes, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes accepted the challenge, stating that Lucky Cannon would be LUCKY to last 5 minutes (get it? because he’s called LUCKY! HA HA HA!) However, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes wasn’t about to wrestle Cannon right now, not least because there was less that 2 minutes of the show left, he asked for a week to prepare. This led to Matt, in his giddy excitable state, to ask the following question:
That’s right, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes finished off Matt Striker with a sloppy blow from behind. (That one’s for you Joey, thanks for helping out last week)
So that was Episode Two of the second series, and we’re left with Striker on the floor being comforted by his erstwhile ward Mark Henry while “Dashing” Cody Rhodes “dashed” for the exit (I’m truly sorry for that pun, please forgive me)
Now, time is pressing on and real-world commitments are encroaching on our time together I’m afraid, so Week Three will be given nowhere near the attention and time it deserves, but let’s see how many pretty pictures we can get out of it shall we?
First things first, Matt Striker is no longer the sole host of NXT, being joined by Ashley Valence (sister of Holly and Richey) for some reason. A reason which Boss Lady Ray and myself both think we night have an idea about but we’ve been sworn to secrecy. She made me shake hands with her after she’d spat in it and everything. They’re filthy Celtic savages down there in Wales.
After Ashley introduced the Pros, she then passed the duties over to Jamie (remember her from last week? Or from just a bit higher up the page?) Anyway, Jamie announced the first match as a tag between Miz & Alex Riley and MVP & Percy Jackson.
Riley and The Miz got the win in what was an OK match, and at least we got to see a new move from Percy, if not a new facial expression.
We then had a video telling us all about Zack Ryder’s Rookie, Titus O’Neil (brother of April) which can be essentially broken down to one badly thought out pun…
Titus had a very short match against Michael McGorillaBuddy that he lost, leaving MagillaMucky with a win record of 2-0.
Next up, our favourite Rookie Kaval meets Ray’s worst nightmare Eli Cottonwood. As you can see, there’s a bit of a size difference between the two, and Josh Matthews (taking a leaf out of Matt Striker’s book) referred to it as “Avatar vs The Hurt Locker” in a magnificent mangling of metaphors.
Kaval managed to pull a decent match out of Cottonwood, but still lost despite pulling out this springboard Warrior’s Way.
After the match, a winded and wounded Kaval was approached backstage by Laycool to receive a pep-talk, and a gift.
Main event time, and back to “Dashing” Cody Rhodes and his match against Lucky Cannon
“Dashing” Cody Rhodes reminded us that he had said he was able to beat Lucky in five minutes, so this would be a five-minute challenge. You know what that means right?
Matt Striker returned for the last part of the show (because he’s scared of “Dashing” Cody Rhodes) and gave all the Rookies 45 seconds to impress the WWE Universe by talking nonsense.
Pretty unimportant segment all told, although Striker showed sartorial support for Kaval’s new look.
And Percy showed us just how much it means to him
Last in the line was “Dashing” Cody Rhodes’ Rookie Husky Harris who decided to impress us non-verbally…
So, where does that leave us? Is Kaval going to go the way of Danielson? Will Percy Jackson ever change his expressions? Is Matt Striker going to return to the ring to face “Dashing” Cody Rhodes?
I dunno… sorry