GUEST POST WEEK: superfan friday- part two

[Never let it be said that we here at Wrestlegasm.com are not a forum for discussion. After my (allegedly) interminable and indefensible insulting insinuations regarding the talent and appeal of a certain member of the Smackdown roster, we received an email from a reader named Brandi asking for a chance to challenge my opinion. While I would have happily deleted said email and continued to criticise him at my leisure, unfortunately the “Boss” in Boss Lady Ray isn’t simply an honorofic and she demanded that we allow Brandi her right of reply – Andrew]

I first saw Matthew Moore Hardy in 5th Grade when he broked into Raw and attacked Edge backstage for fooling around with his skank Lita and I was instantly in love. Matt looked so hot and dangerous and that was it, why did Lita pick stupid Edge over Matt anyway she must be stupid.

Matt was in a team with his baby brother Jeffrey “Jeff” Nero Hardy AKA The Charismatic Enigma AKA Team Xtreme and they were the best tag team of ever all time winning Tag Team Titles and they used to have Lita in their team but they got rid of her because she was a ho and wanted to marry Kane and have his baby!

Anyway she didn’t have his baby because of Snitsky but it WASN’T HIS FAULT – LOL!!! so she went with Edge and was even more of a ho so Matt came back and hit him and I saw that as I said at the beginning. Matt also was Matt Hardy: V1 which is short for Hatt Hardy: Version 1 which is a computer reference  I learnt and when he was Matt Hardy: V1 he was followed by Shannon Moore who was the Prince of Punk and is in Total Nonstop Action Wrestling now.

When he was Matt Hardy: Version 1 he also did a lot of Matt Facts so all of the fans that he called followers of Mattitude could know even more about our idol. These Matt Facts were like Matt Hardy’s bedtime is 4 am Matt likes english muffins (Layla LOL!!!) Matt only drinks lowfat chocolate milk Matt Strongly Dislikes Mustard Matt’s pants are a size 34 in the waist Matt is miserable when dieting Matt sleeps in the nude (ZOMG!!!) Matt lost his virginity at age 17 (I’m 17!) Matt occasionally cheats on his diet. There are too many to type here (my wrists are sore now ROFL) but they are all at Ron’s WWE Site here .

Here are some handy hints that I read when I wanted to be a better Hardy fan

1. Learn about Jeff and Matt  Hardy. You can’t be a true fan if you don’t know who they are. In addition to Wikipedia you can search with Google for more information on them. Always be safe on the Internet. (Good advice, the internet is dangerous with pedos and terrorists and there is lots of information about Matthew and Jeff although I have told you all the good things now – LOL!!!)

2. Convince your friends that they are the best. (Like I am doing now with you guyz LOL!!!)

3. Read all the books on them even if you don’t like reading because if you are really their fans it won’t matter if you don’t like to read it’s on them and there life so it should interest you. (I *hate* reading sooooo much but I read The Hardy Boys: Exist 2 Inspire in one go and it is dedicated to our mother in heaven and our father on earth because their mom is dead 😦 but their dad is alive)

If you follow these facts and watch all of Matt’s videos for his fans on youtube and follow all his tweets on TWITTER.COM/MATTHARDYBRAND and reply to him with drawings of him you can be a big Hardy fan (but not as big as me LOL!!!)

In the words of the Sensei of Mattitude, the Angelic Diablo, Matthew Moore Hardy thank you so very much for reading and thank you to Ray for letting me say how much I love Matt Hardy and screw you to Andrew for being so stupid and not seeing how awesome he is

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11 thoughts on “GUEST POST WEEK: superfan friday- part two

  1. Good God- did you have to allow a fully functioning retard to write this post? I made it to the 2nd picture before developing a headache and abandoning any attempts to read it.
    I adore Matt Hardy, and I have in the past requested that Andrew ease up on the attacks on Hardy. We know you hate him, we don’t need to be reminded of this EVERY entry. Also we are ALL well aware of the fact that Mr Hardy probably hasn’t squeezed into his “size 34 jeans” for a long time now, and he moves a lot slower in the ring compared to his earlier days. We can see it on our screens for ourselves.
    There are quite a few Matt Hardy fans that read this blog, and for the most part we enjoy it. We just ask that Hardy not be the butt of so many jokes- there are plenty of fatter, slower, and worse wrestlers in the WWE. We are not calling for Hardy to be never mocked again, we would just like to see the hatred and loathing applied more evenly throughout the roster.
    I know that I have just ranted and raved a lot for a blog that takes the Mickey out of wrestling. I am also well aware that this will probably be deleted. I just had to vent. I love this site, I find it hilarious, it just gets very hard to constantly read your favourite being subjected to a continuous barrage of hate.

    • Kate, we take the mick out of everyone, including ourselves. Apart from the deliberately serious posts, the site is supposed to be taken with a pinch of salt.

    • It’s just so easy, is the thing. After all, Matt rhymes with “Fat” and “Scat” and “Shi-at.” And Jeff rhymes with “Drug Addict.” IT WRITES ITSELF!

    • Hi Kate

      Here’s my story. After a childhood watching World of Sport, I didn’t watch any WWF/WWE until around 2000, and it was Team Extreme that dragged me in and got me interested. They were my age, they were the most interesting and exciting wrestlers to me, they dressed and looked like the kind of people I was friends with, Lita looked like the kind of girl I would sullenly ogle all night in the indie disco at weekend… they were tailor made to appeal to someone like me.

      However, this was 10 years ago -now in the last 10 years I may admittedly have grown older, fatter and slower than I was in my mid 20s. But then, my job is to sit behind a computer designing things to look pretty – not to shamble around topless on television taking up roster and PPV space that could be better used for any number of younger and more talented wrestlers.

      Jeff’s issues with drugs and arrests aren’t something I would necessarily take the piss out of – the guy’s obviously got issues that he can’t control. Lita got out while she could, and although she didn’t have the most dignified exit, she seems pretty happy playing in her band.

      Matt however, seems to have decided that the way to make the “Matt Hardy will not die” slogan accurate is to refuse to grow up. He’s the same age as me, give or take a couple of months, and he’s whining away on Twitter and YouTube like a 13 year old emo kid who’s dad slagged off My Chemical Romance for wearing eyeliner.

      As you rightfully said, Hardy is slower and bigger than he was 10 years ago – which wouldn’t be an issue if they didn’t still try to push him as a high flyer. The closest Matt comes to the excitement of Team Extreme nowadays is to occasionally go to the top rope and attempt an axe handle.

      I have no issue with the WWE employing wrestlers who aren’t the most talented, or the most acrobatic, or the fastest. And I equally don’t believe that you need to have the greatest physique in the world to be a great wrestler. For example, one of my favourite independent wrestlers is Eddie Kingston, who is hardly a Greek God.

      My issue with Hardy (and I accept this is purely selfish) is that he is ruining the legacy of something I enjoyed in Team Extreme. He is the wrestling equivalent of The Beatles releasing Free As A Bird, or George Lucas releasing The Phantom Menace. He is as irrelevant and anachronistic as Hogan or Foley, and the quicker he joins them in TNA so I don’t have to see him the better.

      That said, sorry if I upset you. And as for Brandi, well she tried her hardest bless her…

  2. I’m sorry but I agree with Andrew. Watching Matt Hardy wrestle these days is like watching your old gran trying to walk upstairs. She’s not as nifty as she used to be and its upsetting. His gimmic is SO outdated and out of every superstar on the roster, he hasn’t upped or changed his game. He’s boring and the WWE is at such a great height now with talent such as Cena and even the NXT Nexus group that I think it’s simply daft that Hardy is taking space from great talent such as Cody Rhodes or even John Morrison.

  3. ‘Matt occasionally cheats on his diet.’

    I don’t know what’s funnier, the word ‘occasionally’, or the idea of Fatt on a diet.

    I find it so hard to believe that this post is serious. The hints on how to be a good fan, the grammar, and the fan art, oh lord, the fanart. I am dead. I have to believe that she’s taking the piss and not just a Hardy mark to believe that the poster is sane.

  4. Hey, I have 1 big question. Why did you post Brandi’s comment about Hardy? I mean ok, she’s a Matt Hardy fan, so am I,but the blog she posted about Matt being good, is completely shallow. All she talks about is how hot she thinks he is, says some random things of the past (like Matt Facts), does not talk about Matt’s in ring skills, promo skills, and her remarks are completely immature. Basically this is what she says: “Matt Hardy’s hot.I am his number one fan. LOL”…this is it…oh, and some random, chaotic facts about Matt Hardy. Please, either delete the blog, or (I’m forcing my luck with this one) let me write a decent criticism about Matt. Please. Posting her “defense” on Hardy is like asking a 7 year old why Cena is great. She’s basically made me ashamed to be a Hardy fan.

    • Guest Post Week is almost over now, Szabi. We’re back from our holiday on Monday and won’t be going away again for a while. Maybe next time around.

  5. This certainly struck a chord with your readers. Personally, I’m not Matt Hardy fan and I certainly should not be speaking on his weight. (Although, I’m not the one who is supposed to be a professional athlete.) I agree with Andrew, he is stale and hasn’t changed much over the years. I don’t quite get it actually, he is really over thanks to his Hardy Show Marks, why he doesn’t get back into shape and try to reinvent himself a bit is beyond me.

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