over the limit: blood, sweat and haircuts

As a PPV, Over the Limit was a mixed bag. Some of it was genius, some of is lacked a little lustre. Let’s break it down.

Despite being wholly undeserving, Drew McIntyre was in possession of the Intercontinental Championship.  Kofi Kingston, who had it so cruelly swiped from his grasp just minutes after winning it on Smackdown a couple of weeks ago, wanted it back again. This lead nicely to a match between the two, which was shorter than expected but solid nonetheless. Kofi managed to win back the belt and he grinned his way up the ramp before anyone could steal it away again.

Mr. McIntyre was not so buoyant. In fact, he thrashed around like a small child having a supermarket tantrum and demanded the immediate appearance of Theodore Long. Our gaze switched to the titantron, but we were not graced with Teddy’s presence. Oh no. It was…

Yes, the injured fellow that just won’t go away to recover showed up to do some shutting up. Hardy brought Drew to the ground, then backed away with a severe look on his face. My annoyance at the event was countered by the fact that a small amount of blood on Drew’s elbow was being allowed on screen. Oooh! And on PG programming too.

But this was a drop in the ocean compared to the tide of crimson that would be flowing later in the show. We’ll come back to that. This match was followed by a bizarre segment where CM Punk asked questions of his locker-room mirror and his bald-headed lackies responded in spooky monotone fashion. Really it was just a product placement moment to plug the hell out of Axe Hair Wax. Subtle, it was not.

All of a sudden my hair feels lank. Could someone recommend some hair wax please?

Also….

Moving on, R-Truth was up against Ted DiBiase with Virgil at ringside. It was an okay match, but nothing especially exciting. R-Truth took it for Camp Dignity and left DiBiase calling for assistance from his man-servant. Truth was over the moon at winning though. In fact, he was so pleased he went up and kissed the face off an Hispanic guy in the crowd.

Tongues and everything!

Backstage, Drew McIntyre was still in his sweaty pants and still throwing a hissy-fit. He also compared himself to Martin Luther Kings Jr. Don’t make me explain. We’ve still got a lot to get through. Time for my most anticipated match of the night – CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio. Eeeeep! Just as a reminder: if Punk won, Mysterio had to join the SES. If Rey won, Punk had to allow him to shave his head.

That'll do nicely.

The match moved along with a steady pace but fell strangely silent when Rey Mysterio went crashing into the huge barber’s chair and Punk found himself with his forehead accidentally sliced open. The thing I love about wrestling, is that you’re never quite sure when things have taken a turn for reality or if they’re all part of the plot.

The blood most definitely wasn’t planned and the match had to wait  while a trainer tended to the wound. Punk ended up with some 13 or so staples in his head. Yawch! Dear Detroit, you were only waiting a couple of minutes. Calm down and have a little patience! Shouting BOOORING does nothing but make everyone at home think you’re dicks. Thanks, Ray. x Once the blood had been temporarily plugged and Rey was back on his feet, Punk darted across the ring and slide-kicked him in the chest. Aaaaand we’re back in business. They went on to have an amazing match in which they interacted with each other so well, it was almost poetic.

I didn’t watch Over the Limit until Monday. I avoided spoilers all day in an attempt to be surprised by the results. Unfortunately, having checked the blog stats early in the morning and having seen 25 hits for ‘CM Punk shaved head’ (plus even more for similarly worded phrases) I kind of guessed how this match ended. Spoilt by my own blog!

Rey may have won the match, but as his music played out, the SES mystery man appeared and punched Mysterio to the ground. He was promptly followed by Serena and Gallows wielding some handcuffs. To quote my Sidekick “Gallows looks like a man who often carried handcuffs!” The meanies were about to cuff Rey to the ropes when Kane (?) exploded into the arena to randomly even things out a bit. While Punk was brushing himself off from a chokeslam, Mysterio managed to cuff him to the ropes.

Over the next few minutes Rey made a horrible job of removing Punk’s hair. It was both fantastic and disturbing at the same time.

Then Michael Cole suggested that Matt Striker styles his hair with jizz. He wasn’t impressed.

Speaking of things that start in J and end in IZ, Jericho and Miz were up next against The Hart Dynasty for the tag titles. It was a decent match and the ending where Tyson Kidd clothlined Miz off DH Smith’s thighs was mighty impressive, but otherwise it was a little dull. The Harts retained the titles.

This was followed by the Edge vs Randy Orton match, which I wasn’t especially psyched for to begin with and was even less thrilled when Randy Orton aggravated a shoulder injury and they had to make gently move from one position to the next. Fair play to the guy, he did as much as he could and considering the pain he must have been in, they did well to keep it rolling; just overall a bit of a letdown. It did send Matt Striker into a frenzy of medical terminology though, so my heart felt full. The match ended as a double count-out.

Strangely, I was looking forward to Big Show vs Jack Swagger, which is testament to just how great the promos for it had been on Smackdown. For such a tall, chunky bloke, Swagger is surprisingly agile. This combined with Show’s might made for a pretty solid match. Swagger got himself DQ’d by slamming Show in the head with the Championship belt. But Big Show is a man with the cranial constitution of Homer Simpson, so he wasn’t about to roll over and die after just a few belt blows and chair shots.

Then Show pulled his straps down and did some more damage.

The Divas match was uneventful. It always makes me happy to see a Divas match on a PPV, but placing it so late on the card didn’t seem to work with the crowd. So I’ll grudgingly skip Eve retaining her title.

If the last couple of months have taught us anything, it’s that John Cena/Batista promos will indubitably be better than the match they’re promoting. I was expecting two things from this match: 1) slow, lumbering wrestling and 2) uber homoeroticism.  Turns out, neither delivered. But that’s a good thing. They both kept a decent pace throughout, which is sometimes awkward in an ‘I Quit’ match. There was in-ring action, crashing through the announce tables and more claret spilling…..

They ran into the crowd, Dave was thrown from a balcony and then chased to the ramp, Dave whacked John with chairs under the titantron, then backed his pimp-mobile over him. But no motor vehicle is a match for our John. Nope! He popped up from under the back tyres, dragged Dave out of said pimp-mobile, threw him on the bonnet and asked if he dared quit.

At this point…..

Dave decided to cut his losses and quit. But asking John Cena to stop in the middle of an imminent adoration-gasm is practically impossible, so he threw Dave through the floor and bid Batista’s career farewell. But hark! Who will John feud with now that Dave is hanging up rubber knickers for good?

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4 thoughts on “over the limit: blood, sweat and haircuts

  1. Hilarious recap! Especially all the homoerotic comments – cause that’s what wrestling is about! XD

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