raw(lite): but who will hold my knob?

I make no secret of the fact that I look forward to Smackdown a lot more than I do Raw. In fact, I bellow it from the rooftops. But the first Raw after the draft had changed the landscape somewhat, so I was interested to see if The Main Eventers’ Show would live up to the hype. Another express recap I’m afraid. Things are a little busy at the moment, but this week’s Smackdown recap will be as normal.

Batista came out to whine about the fact that the lost his Extreme Rules match as the result of being sellotaped to the turnbuckle. It’s a pity Sheamus didn’t sellotape Dave’s mouth when he came out to shut him up. Miz was supposed to have a Beat the Clock Challenge match against Miz, but a bogus looking doctor’s note got him a reprieve.

The geekiest heart-throb in the land, Daniel Bryan, was ordered to take Miz’s place and not only vowed to beat Dave, but declared that he’d make him tap out. Mr. Bryan’s got to be due a big win, right?

A man I’m not overly familiar with had a full conversation with Eve in her bra and managed to keep his eyes up. Then Maryse executed a sneak attack on Eve and knocked her out with her own title belt.

Just pull that weave out, Maryse. You don't need it.

Last week, Ted DiBiase was after a man-servant to take care of his every need. This week, he had a match with John Morrison where he felt so beaten he walked away from the fight. JoMo was so confident in his abilities, he offered to restart the match and be Teddy’s virgil if he lost. John won.

Then R-Truth came out to help his former tag-buddy.

John Cena had a Beat the Clock Challenge match against Chris Jericho. Like his stylish friend, The Miz, Jericho didn’t want a fight either, so he sent Wade Barrett out too take his place. John Cena? Beaten by an NXT rookie?

Then Sheamus beat John up before he could name the kind of match he wants at Over the Limit.

Eve was in such a rage at Maryse’s photoshoot antics that she forgot the bottom rope existed when she ran out to even the score.

Rope burn to the face! Rope burn to the face!

Zak Ryder was demolished by Mark Henry, who then sauntered off arm-in-arm with the Divas Mr. Woo was trying to impress.

Gail's dress kindly donated by Boutique Streetwalker.

William Regal = Yay! Hart Dynasty = Yay! Koslov = Meh. But the possible promise of the best dressed tag team in the company?

Solemn boy to the left of Jericho doesn't agree.

Edge and Randy Orton faced off in the lengthiest promo I’ve seen in some time. It was confusing in that I didn’t know who to cheer and who to boo. Amazing as this Speared-Turned-RKO was…….

I’m sticking with Edge. He’s the bad guy in this, right? Or is he? Aww I’m so confused.