smackdown(lite): it’s not what it looks like

I need to start this post with something of an apology. As I mentioned last week, I’ve not been especially well of late. I’ve had to skip a recap or two.  I did actually have last week’s Smackdown recap ready to go but it crashed and didn’t save. Anyway, in an attempt to bring things back up to speed, I’ll recap last week’s Smackdown and incorporate pieces from the previous weeks where appropriate. Now to the fun stuff……

Soooo, apparently Jack Swagger is the World Heavyweight Champion. Yep! He cashed his Money in the Bank contract in on Jericho and won. Oh and he got married on the same night, but most importantly, he’s now a champion.

He came out and started explaining how much deserves to be champ while we awaited the obligatory interruption. Who will it be? Jericho? Edge maybe? Either would make sense. Ummm, no.

What does John Morrison want with Jack Swagger? This better not be a future feud. My ears are bleeding with the thought of all those hideous promos. John Morrison didn’t have much to say for himself, other than the fact he ripped the piss out of Swagger’s lisp. Admittedly, it’s really pronounced. More than I had realised. But aren’t the faces supposed to be sending positive messages to the kiddies? Michelle McCool calles Mickie James fat = BOOOO! Mickie James eventually defeats Michelle McCool = YAAAAY! This one, however, just seemed weird:

Insults aside, they went on to have a pretty great match, which Swagger finally won with Gutwrench Powerbomb. (I love saying Gutwrench Powerbomb.) t was impressed with Swagger’s skills and the whole bit ran for some twenty minutes. Only on Smackdown!

Over in the locker room, Chris Jericho was giving Wade Barrett a pep talk when the new champion came to visit him. They bartered a bit over the belt, then we went back to the ring where Shad Gaspard was being all mean and menacing. No, that wasn’t a typo.

Shad decided that the time had come to ditch his partner and go it alone. Last week, he even beat JTG up to make his point.

That wasn’t actually what it looked like, but the small child on the left and the Irish man on the right are certainly traumatised. The beatings continued on last week’s show too. The draft will undoubtedly separate them.

Drew McIntyre, who has a longer entrance than Randy Orton these days, had a seemingly pointless match with Matt Hardy, but at least it ran for several minutes. Meh. On to something more interesting – The Straight Edge Society. At Extreme Rules, Rey Mysterio and CM Punk are having a match where Punk will quite possibly lose his hair and beard. REJOICE! Punk is so concerned with saving Rey that he put his hair on the line. What a trooper! Last week, however, the SES wanted to save Darren Young. Young’s hair had been clipped so I was tempted to believe that Serena would actually pull the clippers out of her handbag and scalp him.

But of course, she didn’t. Darren Young knocked Punk on his arse in royal fashion. This didn’t go down well and Gallows & Serena helped Punk to do some damage. They held Darren down while the buzz of the clippers came nearer but, thankfully for the fro, Rey Mysterio ran in and saved the day.

Gallows broke a nail in the scuffle.

Croft and Baretta came to Smackdown a while ago, but we haven’t seen much of them. Last week they announced that they wanted to be known as The Dudebusters. They had a great match against The Hart Dynasty which instigated a lengthy discussion between myself and Sidekick Andrew regarding DH Smith’s merits, both as a wrestler and as a beefcake. Not sure Mr. Sidekick is that impressed.

The previous week, Dolph Ziggler had hurt the Great Khali so badly that he’d decided to tie up his possessions in a handkerchief and trot off back to India. Actually, I’m not sure Khali trots anywhere. More of an awkward shuffle back to India. Josh Matthews wanted to know how Dolph went about sending Khali packing. Dolph gave a demo.

After Jack Swagger took the World Championship Title, both Jericho and Edge felt they deserved a rematch. This lead Teddy Long to presenting them with a Number One Contenders match. It was a huge match, which spilt out into the crowd and rumbled up to the ramp before finding itself back in the ring. So who was the winner? Who will challenge Jack Swagger to get their paws on the title?

They spent so much time sweating all over the audience that the ref counted them both out. CLIFFHANGER!

This week’s show was taped in London. CAN’T WAIT to add some more Cool Britannia Week posts. Andrew’s Smackdown house show review will be up very soon.