cool britannia week: part one

[Just because poor, sickly Ray doesn’t have a WWE tour show to attend, it doesn’t mean that the lovely readers have to miss out on some Cool Britannia Week posts.  With this in mind I have invited regular reader Joey to cover the Raw house show which took place in Liverpool on Sunday evening. Joey is a huge supporter of the blog, so it was great being able to give him his tiny slice of the Wrestlegasm pie.  I’ll go back to sobbing into my photo album from the last show I went to now. *WEEP*. Enjoy! – Ray]

Hello there! I’m Joey, an avid Wrestlegasm reader and total WWE Nerd. Before I begin I would just like to say what an honour and privilege it is to have the opportunity to write for the site. The work Ray and Andrew do is tragically underrated and, whilst I can give it my best, nothing can compare to their fantastic work.

Anyway… ZOMG! I got to go to a house show in Liverpool! Let me give you some Joey House Show History… the last time I went, John Cena was a heel and the late Eddie Guerrero was still frog splashing stunned opponents. I was also so high up I couldn’t see the ring and I actually got a nose bleed (even though my Dad says it was through picking my nose too much). This time round I got a damn good seat which was just a few rows back from ringside. It was amazing to be so close to the stars that I could touch them, but it’s a good job I was sat where I was, considering the restraining order that Cody Rhodes filed against me.

I should let it be known now that I am a total Raw fan. I very rarely watch Smackdown, which I guess is one point in favour of brand separation. I like Raw because it’s tongue-in-cheek, it’s storyline driven and it doesn’t pain me too much to watch (although some of the Guest Hosts have made me scratch my head). Raw gets a lot of heat from the fans but I love it.

So, perhaps I should get on with the bloody point? We began with the lights going down and Justin Roberts stepping into the ring. It was interesting seeing him up close, he’s not that tall and it looks like he wears make up. Not that I want to start rumours or anything. Make up aside he did a great job of getting the crowd worked up, which wasn’t hard really as it was mostly John Cena-loving kids. I swear to God, there was more orange in that arena than there is on a WAG night out. The lights came back up for the first match and with that the engines got started for us to fly Air Bourne.

The match was to be Evan Bourne (who is a LOT smaller in real life) versus Chavo Guerrero. The match, I must admit, wasn’t very impressive. The crowd didn’t seem that interested at all and it was, sadly, full of clumsy mistakes. I am going to put that down to the rigorous travel the Superstars have been doing recently, but it was a shame to watch as they tried to act their way out of it. The submission moves placed on Bourne were awkward as, for some reason, Chavo found it hard to keep grip of Bourne. There were moments where Bourne was just lying on the mat screaming in pain. The match did pick up however, once Bourne started going up top. They dragged it out and every time Bourne went up top, there were deep breaths around the arena. Eventually Bourne finally hit Air Bourne for the win.

Evan a good time.

Once the crowd had eventually gone back to their seats (every time a Superstar appeared/exit, everyone would rush to the rails to get a photo) Justin got ready to introduce the next match… after wiping foundation off his collar (just sayin’!). He first introduced Captain Charisma himself, Christian who looks absolutely gorgeous. Christian took his time going from turnbuckle and then Justin introduced his opponent. Dos Caras. Yeah, me neither. Now I have no issue with WWE pushing new stars but, seriously, I paid £50 to see my favourite superstars, not some greasy newbie. This isn’t NXT, fools! Anyway, after sending a swift complaint email on my iPhone (I joke), Christian and Dos thingybob stopped messing around. They were playing to the audience where Christian would raise his hand and the crowd would cheer then Dos Whatever would raise his and they’d boo. It went on for literally 4 minutes. No joke. I was already annoyed and they made it work. Us Brits aren’t complainers so I kept my upper lip stiff and tried to enjoy the match. The match was actually quite good and Dos Carararara whatever showed great skill and pulled off some good moves. It wasn’t his night though. Christian hit the Killswitch and it was goodnight for Dos Thingy.

I've no idea, Christian

Christian proceeded to celebrate and was thanking his peeps when Sheamus came out of nowhere and kicked Christian. By nowhere, I mean nowhere. I was completely surprised, as was the rest of the crowd, including one kid who screamed “noooooo” really loudly. It was hilarious. Sheamus milked the shock for all it was worth and then took to the mic.

Pale Male

He told everybody that they were losers like Liverpool & Everton. This got the reaction it was meant to as an arena packed full of scousers booed to their hearts’ content. The most hilarious part was the fact that Everton Striker Yakubu was sat in the audience. I know this isn’t strictly wrestling but I’d like to vent my frustration here. Yakubu turned up to the show late flanked by a bodyguard, being a popular player on the team he generated a lot of attention. When it got to the interval, a few people went up to him to ask for photographs and autographs. Rather than grant their wish and then enjoy the show, Yakubu ignored them and his bodyguard ushered them all away screaming at young kids that “he is here for the show”. I find this absolutely disgraceful and poor form. Yakubu then left the show early once again flanked by his guard to a chorus of boos. It was glorious.

Back to the wrestling. Sheamus continued milking the crowd and then announced he’d do to John Cena what he did to Christian and take back the WWE Title. This was both a good and bad thing because the main event billed was Triple H v Cena for the title. It has been much discussed on the interweb that Triple H is actually suffering a neck injury and hadn’t been to previous shows. This was later confirmed to me after the show by one of The Sun’s wrestling reporters (I know, I’m so connected) who said that Triple H is resting but should be at the Raw Live show on Monday. Fingers were crossed. Sheamus left and Justin, who looked even more tangerine than before (I reckon he topped up), got back in the ring.

“Please welcome at this time, Chris Masters” and with those words the crowd went dead. Chris Masters doesn’t really excite if I’m honest but he did look amazingly muscular. He challenged any Superstar from the back to come out and take part in the Masterlock Challenge. Then that familiar upbeat jig music started and out came Hornswaggle. It was actually really funny to see ‘Swaggle’ stare down Masters and, as you could probably predict, Hornswaggle ran around the ring and took down Masters. I was laughing like an idiot. I guess I’m easily amused.


Justin ‘Day Glo’ Roberts got back in and announced that the next match would be a Triple Threat match for the WWE Diva’s Championship. I was actually excited to hear that the Divas would be having a proper match and not given some stupid stipulation. It was to be Maryse v Eve Torres v Kelly Kelly and I’ve never seen so many adult men rush forward as much as they did. The match was actually brilliant. It has been a long, long time since I’ve seen such a fantastic match but it became clear that the match may have been a rehearsal for Raw as Kelly Kelly spent most of her time outside the ring. Eve did a fantastic job and even risked going up top with a gorgeous moonsault that could possibly rival Lita. Maryse was victorious, however, and managed to keep hold of the title.

I know a few people that’d give you a sports massage, Kelly

Justin Orange then set us up for the next match; a two on one match. I knew who was going to be wrestling. My stomach began to flutter with butterflies as the Legacy music hit. This was my chance, what should I do? Do I risk arrest, jump over the barrier and snog Cody in the hope he’d fall in love with me or do I stay in my seat and just enjoy the show. I’m currently writing this review from my Lawyer’s office… I lie, I did the right thing and stayed in my seat. As you probably could’ve guessed Legacy aren’t popular so my cheers went completely unheard.  The boys took to the mic first to work up the crowd. They said that everyone was pretty much stupid but I knew Cody didn’t mean me, he loves me too much to say that. Right? RIGHT?! Ahem, sorry, anyway Cody was carrying some jazzy red head gear and he explained that this was a result of Orton’s Punt and Wrestlemania. He went on  to say that the audience would never see an RKO again once he and Ted were done with Orton. With that, Voices blasted out and the crowd went wild. I mean WILD, it was deafening. Orton took his time getting to the ring, skulking down the aisle with his eyes transfixed. I took the opportunity to take lots of pictures of Cody so much so I had to replace the batteries. The crowd continued to go wild and the match got underway.

I was bitterly disappointed by the Orton/Legacy match at ‘Mania so this was a chance to get another viewing and at ringside too! The match was actually pretty epic, Legacy pretty much beat up Orton until he went into Viper mode and cleared house quite spectacularly. It was an absolute honour to see them wrestle live and DiBiase and Rhodes have clearly come on since we first saw them and have turned into incredible, interesting and extremely sexy wrestlers. There was even an element of storyline thrown in as Rhodes walked away from the ring leaving DiBiase to wrestle alone. Cody came back though and, after a short while, DiBiase returned the favour allowing Orton to rip off his head brace. Orton eventually hit the RKO for the win and that was the end of that. Nothing else happened. OK. I lie. Half way through the match, the crowd had gone a little silent so other members started chanting for Orton and it got loud again. Thinking I wouldn’t be heard, I decided to yell “I LOVE YOU CODY”. I decided to do this at the very moment it went quiet again. I was mortified. Everybody looked and I pretend it wasn’t me. Either way it was a fantastic match and a real testament to the work of all involved.

This is the only photo I took that had anyone other than Cody in it.

Next up we had Regal v MVP. I’ll be honest, it was a dull match. Regal is fantastic but the match was hampered by the fact that Regal is loved by English fans so he was cheered as was MVP so it just didn’t create any sort of buzz at all. It ended a bit like this:

Wonder when Danyl Bryan gets it from!

Next up was the interval. The temperature in the arena was extremely hot which resulted in me being charged £6 for two waters. I wasn’t happy, especially after a kid ran into me and knocked one out of my hand. When we returned Justin Roberts was ready and waiting in the ring like an amber traffic light. He said the next match would be for the Unified Tag Team Titles. Three title matches in one night? Brilliant! The familiar music of ShowMiz played out and they made their way to the ring. I must say that I am really pleased with the way The Miz has come on. He’s clearly dedicated to improving his game and his partnership with Show is brilliant. This match proved to be the funniest of the night. The Big Show is actually quite comedically brilliant. The Miz started off by saying that Liverpool hadn’t had any champions in years and asked the crowd if anyone had ever been number one in what they’ve done. Pretty much everyone put their hand up but Miz ignored it and carried on with his amazing mic work. He then gave his legendary line “because we’re ShowMiz and we’re…” he gave it to The Big Show to finish and Show brilliant delivered a non-committal “awesome?”.

Have a guess what I was looking at.

The match began with Mark Henry and Kofi Kingston and I quickly realised that The Miz is rather attractive. I know that’s nothing to do with the match but it’s important to add. There were some great moves on display but the real fun began when Mark Henry and Big Show got in the ring. Big Show began by attempting a few “stretches” against the rope. The two then linked up and Big Show grabbed Henry’s hair. The ref broke it up to which Show challenged the ref “he was pulling MY hair” and the ref had to point out that Show didn’t have any. Pure comedy gold. The match ended up with Show punching Kofi Kingston for the win. Kofi played it out really well and the ringside doctor even jumped in to give it some reality.

It’s OK, he’s fine ya’ll

Finally we got to the main event. The anticipation was unbelievable. The crowd knew what was coming and the energy literally made the hair on my neck stand up. Sheamus came in first and the best part of that was referee Mike Chioda bobbing his head up and down to Sheamus’ music. Then, it happened. John Cena’s music hit. It was electric and Cena really felt it. He actually looked genuinely emotional looking at the sea of orange around the arena and even Sheamus cracked a smile, which he quickly replaced with his trademark scowl.

The match was your typical Cena match, he got beaten up for a long while and then turned into Super-Cena, much to the happiness of the crowd.

We believe in you, John!

I also have a lot of respect for Sheamus after this. He did a fantastic job and I regret my original pessimism regarding his ability. After the match the crowd were going crazy and John took to the mic to thank everybody. One idiot in the crowd yelled “fuck off you wanker” which was completely misjudged especially considering all the kids. Cena handled it well and told him to show more respect. He then started a battle of the cheers by telling the crowd that Dublin were a louder audience. Nothing gets scousers more riled than competition and the arena went crazy. Job done.

All in all it was a fantastic event a real tribute to the hard work and dedication of the Superstars, Divas and the entire crew. I was apprehensive to go to the show alone as usually the only thing I do alone is shower and go to the toilet. I will, however, be making a journey to Raw in November when the WWE returns to Blightly. This ends my recap! Thank you everybody for reading.

Thanks, Cena.... now can I have your shirt?


5 thoughts on “cool britannia week: part one

  1. Hey thanks for the post Joey! How I wish I could have seen Orton vs Legacy!!!And little Evan!
    Well, they are coming to Paris, France in September, I already have my tickets so I hope I’ll be able to see them have some in-ring action together!
    And Ray, I only discovered Wrestlegasm recently, and it’s awesome!! I’ve had a few laughs with your articles, pics, “strut, pose, turn” and “crotch watch” (even though it’s over now :-()!! Can’t wait to read your next article!!
    Take care!

  2. yay! finally i’ll get to clarify something!

    that guy Dos caras (or two faces) is a mexican wrestler, and i have to tell ya guys, he rocks, he came from the CMLL (Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre, or Lucha Libre World Council XD) and he had some awesome runs even as a heavyweight champion, you guys wont regret seeing him on wwe… though they removed his mask… damn it!

  3. Hey. Thanks for the comments.

    Orton v Legacy match was fantastic. Orton is just fascinating and very skilled.

    I think Dos Caras will make a good superstar BUT I don’t agree with newbies being rolled out at house shows in UK when people want to see their favourite stars. He pulled off some good news and he has the makings on a great heel.

  4. Pingback: guest post – raw(lite): if you can’t play nice… « WRESTLEGASM.COM

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