raw(lite): mania aftermath

The first Raw after Wrestlemania is always a bit special, but this one was particularly emotionally loaded in that we all knew Shawn Michaels would walk up the ramp and leave wrestling for good once the two hours were up. I’ll deal with Shawn’s departure in a separate post. For now, let’s see what else went on.

Nobody’s more in their element than John Cena with a championship belt over his shoulder, and that’s how Raw started. He grinned his flashiest grin and Big Dave, of course, had plenty to say in return. Ultimately though, it was all about the rematch. John offered Dave the chance to have a rematch that night, but he suggested that Dave would do what everyone does when faced with a hyped up John Cena – demand a rematch, then claim not to want it straight away. So, David Batista, when do you want that rematch?

Shocker!

They beat each other up a bit, Dave scooted out of the ring, John gave him a round of applause, then Jack Swagger came out to smack Cena with his briefcase and cash in his Money in the Bank contract. Of course, once he realised John wasn’t quite as hurt as he’d thought, he called it all off just in the nick of time.

From the next generation to the elder statesmen with a Legends Lumberjack match. Even pastel-shirted Pat Patterson came out for an airing. Ted DiBiase Jr. was up against Christian, with Ted DiBiase Sr. flanking the apron. It was actually a pretty good match and if this is the start of a Ted/Christian feud, I’m very excited. Action spilt out of the ring and the legends started brawling. Ted and Christian found themselves back in the ring but Teddy was distracted by what his dad was up to and lost the match. Senior tried to help Junior to his feet but the kid threw a tantrum and skulked out of the ring.

With Shawn Michaels preparing to say goodbye, HHH wanted to come out and make a speech before Shawn had his moment. It was certainly heartfelt. I will admit that the escalating emotion definitely lubricated my eyeballs a little. Luckily, just as things were getting really weepy, Sheamus ran out in his new t-shirt and thumped Hunter round the head with a relay-baton. Tears averted.

I could tell you about the Divas match, which was a repeat of their Wrestlemania match, but it was impossibly short, it’s actually taken me longer to type this line than it took for the match to begin and end. I believe the sound I’m making goes… uggg!

I didn’t mention what happened in the Bret Hart vs Vince McMahon match during the Wrestlemania recap, mainly because it was ludicrous and took up far too many precious minutes from better matches. Let’s just say that Bret and, more importantly, the Hart Dynasty kids came out on top. Bret Hart made a victory speech on Raw, which was interrupted by The Miz and Big Show.

Miz seemed to forget that Harts never work alone and the minute Big Show stepped forward to shut Bret up, the Hart kiddies marched down to the ring to back Unkie Bret up. And take note: Heel Hart Dynasty = black and fuchsia outfits, Face Hart Dynasty = White and Baby-Pink.

They all had a match right there and then, which the newly angelic ones won by count-out. Ahhh, I love this time of year. So many new feuds. So many changes of character. Spring has definitely sprung.

Jack Swagger came out in his Wrestlemania outfit, sniffed the air and asked us if we could all smell the sweet perfume of Money in the Bank triumph.

Dude. Seriously. All I can smell is that rank spandex. You’ve worn that outfit two nights in a row. Get them in the washing basket and I’ll sort them out for you. He mainly just crowed about his win and suggested that it might not be that long before he cashes the contract in. I wonder what he could be referring to?

Anyway, I negated to mention earlier that Batista and John Cena were to be pitted against each other in a tag match later in the show.  Dave chose to have Swagger at his side, but John kept his partner a secret until the last minute. So, Mr. Cena, you had the whole  roster to choose from. Which lucky boy will be standing next to you during this match?

Almost a year ago to the day, rumours were circulating that unlikely BFFs John Cena and Randy Orton had put a note in the creative suggestion box that they should be allowed to work together. This posed a problem. Either John needed to go bad or Randy needed to be a good guy. It took a year but now that Randy’s Mr. Popular, it was finally possible. Oh and who reported on this rumour a year ago? Me. Right here. Ah I love when a plan comes together.

Anyway, they had a match where Randy Orton stole the show by clearing house and making the pin for the win. AGAIN! I marked out for Randy, proving the theory that I turn more times than a rotisserie chicken correct once again. John and Randy restrained themselves from openly showing too much love for each other, but I smell a bromance brewing. I won’t rest until they do a proper man-hug. For now, we’ll have to make do with this kind of thing:

Speaking of man-hugs, I’ve decided that Shawn Michaels’ farewell speech will be dealt with via the use of a new edition of Man-Hug Moments’. Coming to a laptop monitor near you very soon!

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