smackdown(lite): battle of the scowls

I’m sure I don’t need to remind you how last week’s Smackdown started. Remember? CM Punk in his best performance as a heel, maybe ever? This week started with that very same storyline, although, Rey Mysterio left the family at home this time around. Understandable. He marched down to the ring with a purpose and a look of defiance. He was also wearing a scary new t-shirt and one of his black masks.

In attacking Rey’s family and making his daughter cry, CM Punk had stepped over the line and Rey wanted his revenge. Some eight or so minutes in, Punk decided to show his face. After last week’s incredible display of evil, Punk would have been forgiven for not being able to live up to his previous performance. But there was nothing to forgive. Once again, he was awesome; taunting Rey with threats against his family once again. Rey began to anger, he called Punk a monster and started repeating himself in Spanish.

Albeit a REALLY tired looking one. Wow! Baggage!

Rey climbed through the ropes and pledged to walk up the ramp and beat Punk into a pulp. Punk obviously didn’t want this, so he added a stipulation to their Wrestlemania match. If Rey so much as touches a hair on Punk’s head before the match, it’s off. To be honest, I’m not sure I’d want to touch the beard anyway. I’m pretty sure there’s a family of sparrows living in there. But whatever.

Rey had mentioned that every time he closes his eyes, he remembers the terror on his little girl’s face as Punk frightened the bejesus out of her the week before. So what did Punk do? He brought out a few snapshots, of course.

This genius segment continued as Punk suggested that he could save Rey from himself and make him the father he should be. As you can imagine, Rey wasn’t interested, but Punk didn’t give up. He even used one of favourite Punkisms when he said……


Rey wanted a Street Fight at Wrestlemania, but Punk wasn’t just going to hand it to him. He would have to beat Luke Gallows that night to earn the right to choose the kind of match they have. If Gallows took the win, Rey had to turn himself over to the Straight Edge lifestyle. One more family snapshot later and the challenge had been accepted.

WHEW! After all that intense emotion, it was time for something a little more light-hearted. A preview of the Money in the Bank match should do it. How does Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler vs Matt Hardy and MVP grab you? It was a nice indicator of what we might expect next Sunday, with Ziggler pinning MVP for the win.  But the best part of this match came after Swagger and the two losers had left the arena. Dolph looked over his shoulder and when he thought nobody was looking, he dragged a huge ladder from under the ring, set it up under the hanging briefcase and ascended it. Once at the top, he unclipped the briefcase and pretended he’d already won it. You know, just for kicks!

It was a bit like how I sometimes hoist a bottle of squeezy mustard in the air while I’m making a sandwich and pretend I’ve won a Grammy for being the greatest singer in the world. But ssssshhh. Don’t tell anyone.

Last week, Drew McIntyre finally got his spot in the MitB match, thanks to him pulling a few strings with Mr. McMahon. Teddy Long was a bit miffed abour all this and decided to put Drew in a match against a fairly huge main eventer. Mr. Mahon wasn’t responding to his voicemails, so Teddy took it that the match had been allowed. The match was against…… wait for it……. wait for itttttt:

OH MY GOD! Drew McIntyre’s gonna DIE! I wonder what my colleague Matt Striker thinks of this development.

The Smackdown Divas are doing some sterling work at the moment, and this week was no exception. Team LayCool were up against Beth Phoenix and Tiffany and, oh dear, looks like the Mean Girls have found a new slogan for their vests now that Mickie James is out of the picture.

We in the Cardiff Wrestle Bunker are not amused!

The match was FANTASTIC, from the moment Beth did a Wonder Woman spin while carrying Layla on her shoulders……

……through to when she hoisted her in the air, only to drop her when Michelle kicked Beth in the stomach.

A Glam-Slam on Michelle later and it was all over. Ok, so Tiffany’s contribution was minimal, but she’s still finding her feet again after all that time in a business suit on ECW. Vickie appeared in the ring and informed Beth that she wanted a public apology for attacking her on last week’s show. Beth obliged but Vickie wanted more and set a match up for the two of them for next week. It’s battle of the scowls.

Vickie wins.

We the staff of Wrestlegasm.Com do declare that should the Vickie Guerrero vs Beth Phoenix match not lead to some kind of quality women’s match at Wrestlemania 26, we will be very cheesed off. Thank you.

He of the eternal plaid shirt, Edge, decided to have a new episode of The Cutting Edge with Chris Jericho as his special guest. Jericho, with his NXT rookie Wade Barrett at his side, had quite the rant. He even mentioned how David Beckham had picked up the same injury as Edge had been suffering with and how David’s career is over. Incidentally, I’ve always thought David Beckham was classically handsome, but he’s always seemed a little too perfect for me. Yet, in his striped PJs for the Smithy sketch on Sport Relief  this week, I felt a little swoon coming on.


Back to wrestling. Edge challenged Jericho to make a move, he made a move, then Edge speared both Jericho and Barrett into oblivion. Chris Jericho made it to his feet and managed to stick the Codebreaker on Edge. He then went on to finish the job by stamping on Edge’s still recovering ankle.

I think it hurts a little bit.

John Morrison and R-Truth won a match against The Hart Dynasty, but it was so short it’s hardly worth talking about. Apart from the fact that I was chuffed that both Matt Striker and myself involuntarily rapped the same line in R-Truth’s entrance music. That’s why I hired him as The Dean. We’re so compatible!

Back to where we started, Luke Gallows and Rey Mysterio had an incredible match. I was surprised at how well they worked together and with Punk and Serena emoting after every bump, it was especially engaging. The match was won by Gallows, after Serena tripped Rey from the top rope, but it didn’t end there. While Punk held Gallows’ arm aloft in victory, Rey ran at Gallows and flipped him over the top rope.

They then found themselves brawling behind the announce table, with Matt Striker trying to separate them and with Punk watching on in a still, silent manner. It. Was. Awesome.

Although, technically this means that Rey is supposed to give himself over to the SES now. Hmm. Can’t see it happening, but we’ll see how this amazing feud escalates come next Friday.

The final match of the night was Undertaker vs Drew McIntyre. It didn’t last very long. Taker took Drew out within just a few minutes.

Though not as nice as DH Smith's.

This match served two purposes. It punished Drew McIntyre for being such a wimp and running to the boss every time he lost a match, and it showed Shawn Michaels that Taker was able to beat one of the youngest guys in the company. Taker strolled up the ramp to get his shower, but as he turned back to the crowd to give them a little wave, Shawn Michaels ran out to kick him back down it again. No dice! Undertaker saw Shawn coming and grabbed at his throat. After a little bit of struggle back and forth, Shawn pulled himself free and Sweet Chin Music’d Taker to the ground.


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