smackdown(lite): no cbeebies for a week

I’m starting to worry about Edge. He has become completely obsessed with saying the word ‘spear’. Either that or he’s on some kind of commission and gets a tenner every time he says it. Do you know how many times he said ‘spear’ just during the opening segment with Big Show?

Anyway, all you need to know is that Edge and Big Show set themselves up for a match later that night.

You might recall that on the previous week’s show, Drew McIntyre lost his first match since being in the WWE. Yeah, well as Drew has the ear of Vince McMahon, he ordered that the defeat be scratched from his record.  He even got Teddy Long to read it out for authenticity.  Drew didn’t feel like showing up for this part of the show, so he sent a waxwork dummy of himself. Looks like it melted a little bit under the TV lights.

Teddy gave Drew another opportunity to get into the Money in the Bank ladder match by putting him up against Matt Hardy. Unfortunately for our Scottish pal, not even his new extra-patriotic trunks could help him beat the rotund one. Second loss on the trot. Or is it the first?  I’m confused. I’ll just enjoy this picture while I figure it out.

Over in the locker room, Jesse was impressing John Morrison with his new rock-hard abs. I thought they might kiss, but R-Truth and David Otunga slinked in and interrupted their moment.

R-Truth introduced Otunga in the same manner mothers introduced their young sons when they’ve been very naughty boys.

He disappeared and after a spot of awkward chatter, Morrison and Truth decided to become tag-partners.

Both Shelton Benjamin and Dolph Ziggler were already in the MitB match, so it was time for them to start promoting it. If wrestling trunks could speak……ermm…… I would be hounding CM Punk’s lavender junk-huggers for an interview. But if the choice of trunk colours in this match tells us anything, it’s that Shelton’s gold babies should beat Dolph’s silver spandex hands down. That’s the law. Much as I fought this law throughout their excellent match, the Gold Standard won out.

Next we had Jimmy Wang Yang (YUP!) vs Ezekiel Jackson. You know what Jimmy looks like, and if I show you this…..

TRAPEZIUMS!

…. I think it’s pretty obvious how this one panned out.

YUP!

Backstage, it was Bring your Daughter to Work Day, so Rey Mysterio brought his little girl in to the office with him. And just to keep her entertained, he gave her one of his new action figures to play with. Pffft! Everyone’s got an action figure of their dad, right? I know I have.

It would be illegal to leave a small child alone in an arena full of miscreants and drug addicts (according to Punk), so Rey brought Tiffany in to keep an eye on the babe, though not before asking his little ‘un to give him a blessing. It was both cute and weird at the same time.

I’m feeling in need of a good ‘saving’. CM Punk? Are you there?

Ah yes. There he is. Taunting small children. So cute of him. Once Punk had given Luke Gallows the pep-talk to end all pep-talks, Gallows had a match with Rey Mysterio which saw the little guy taking the win.

Back in the locker room, Big Show was preparing for his match against Edge when Jericho showed up. They haven’t had much contact since their tag-team break up. This didn’t seem to bother Jericho though, who swung in and demanded that Show beat the hell out of Edge in his match. Big Show didn’t take too kindly to being told what to do. He bitched Jericho out and stormed off. Men! On another topic, check out the vile terracotta shirt and tie in the background. Who could this fashion monstrosity possibly belong to?

I'm gonna go with David Hart Smith.

With Miz and Big Show taking the tag titles to Wrestlemania, they needed some opponents. John Morrison and R-Truth fought Cryme Tyme and The Hart Dynasty to become Number One Contenders. It was a great match but, after all that man-crushing in the locker room, you’d be crazy if you thought anyone but Truth and Morrison would be on their way to Wrestlemania.  R-Truth celebrated by doing his usual hip-hop dancing, then he encouraged John Morrison to do some break-dancing.

With Mickie James temporarily out of action and Michelle McCool holding the Women’s Title again, we needed some new blood. This came in form of Beth Phoenix.  She had a few angry words with Vickie Guerrero after a Team LayCool presented Vickie with her very own Simply Flawless vest. Battle lines have been drawn.

Big Show and Edge had their match, which was longer than expected, but ended predictably with an Edge victory. After several more proclamations of …..

…..Jericho tried to capitalise on Edge’s tiredness by giving him a whack with the Heavyweight Title belt.  As you might expect, he just got another spear for his trouble.  What sat YOU, Wichita crowd?

Yeah, thought so.

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2 thoughts on “smackdown(lite): no cbeebies for a week

  1. IDK y people think Rey Mysterio is gay but he is SO SEXY & plus I’m only 3 inches shorter than him

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