smackdown(lite): persimmon vs african cucumber

Last week’s Smackdown kicked off with Chris Jericho whining about how Edge had stolen his thunder on the previous week’s show. Then Edge came out to do it all over again and Matt Striker suggested that Jericho looked so furious it was as if he’d just swallowed a persimmon. A persimmon? Really, Matt Striker? You’ve obviously been Googling exotic fruits in your bunker office again. Personally, I thought he looked angry enough to have swallowed an African cucumber, but we’ll discuss it at the weekly staff meeting on Saturday morning.

Anyway, they talked it out for a while, but ultimately it went like this:

The Money in the Bank match needed a few more competitors, so John Morrison, Dolph Ziggler and R-Truth (accompanied by David Otunga) duked it out for a chance to challenge for that very special briefcase. I thought I had this one all figured out. Of the three guys there, I couldn’t believe that anyone but Morrison would feature in the biggest ladder match of the year. To my surprise and delight, not only was it a great match, but Dolph Ziggler took the win. Hooray! Finally Dolph is being welcomed back into the fold. I’m so happy, I won’t even point and laugh at his extra white armpits.

Oh and John Morrison looked like the saddest little puppy to ever lose a wrestling match.

Awww. Come to Ray. I'll give you a big bowl of Winalot. I hear it keeps your fur shiny.

The next match involved Michelle McCool and Mickie James for the Women’s Title. Vickie Guerrero was guest referee and was unlikely to be impartial as she was still tamping over a cottage cheese incident a week or so ago. Yah! Cottage cheese! Mickie and Michelle had a pretty solid match and it looked like Ms. McCool was about to take it when Vickie accidentally rolled herself out of the ring. Luckily, Layla was there to rub her sore bottom and get her back in the ring.

While Michelle ushered Vickie back to the ring, Mickie managed to grab her and pin her. Like I said, Vickie’s still upset over the cottage cheese thing, so she slapped the champ round the chops rather than hit the 1,2,3. Mickie hit the ‘argue’ button her XBox controller, Michelle swung around, kicked her in the face and pinned her for the win.

Of course, now we all know that Mickie’s got a poorly leg, it all makes sense. But I was a bit miffed at the time. Get well soon, Ms. James.

Kane and Drew McIntyre had a match for a spot in the Money in the Bank match. Kane won. Apparently, it was the first time McIntyre had lost since being in the WWE.  Maybe so, but if you recall, he spent the first few months of his contract stomping around is cheap office clothes and not actually taking part in his matches. So not as bad as it sounds. Drew was pretty wound up though. He even had a pop at Matt Striker. Matt managed to diffuse the situation by staying in his seat and repeatedly saying “take it easy” in a calm and controlled manner. You wouldn’t believe the number explosive fights Matt Striker has averted between Sidekick Andrew and myself in the Cardiff Wrestle Bunker. The last one was over who left the milk out of the fridge.

The MitB match was still recruiting competitors, so CM Punk faced Smackdown’s newest acquisition, Shelton Benjamin. Shelton held his own, but Punk managed to keep him at bay for most of the match. Although, they stayed in this position for a particularly long time, so I wonder if Shelton was just enjoying being held between Punk’s thighs.

Punk had it in the bag, but then Rey Mysterio came out and interfered with Luke Gallows, who was stood on the apron. This served to distract Punk and gave Shelton time to pin him while his guard was down. As you can imagine, CM Punk wasn’t too happy with Rey Mysterio, who found the whole thing to be hilarious.

I haven’t mentioned it, but earlier in the night The Miz had swaggered out to moan about the fact that no championship tag-match had been made for Wrestlemania. Teddy Long would have been willing to set something up for that night, but Big Show hadn’t turned up for work. So, he gave Miz a match against Edge for that night instead.

That match was the final battle of the night, but before I get to it, could I put in a public request for this t-shirt to be released in a women’s cut? I kind of love it. Thanks WWE Shop.

The match was awesome and it was great to see Miz hanging with a main-eventer. He didn’t win though. Edge sent a very definite message to Jericho that he was on form and ready to spear, spear, spear him to infinity at Wrestlemania.

GAME ON!!!!!


4 thoughts on “smackdown(lite): persimmon vs african cucumber

  1. every time i read andrew’s and your’s recaps you guys make me wish to try to join the wrestlegasm staff… but i always desist of that idea for a simple reason “not sure what would i be doing”

    still… i guess i’ll still enjoy watching the recaps from the audience seat

    YOU BOTH ROCK! and of course matt striker rocks aswell

    • Oh you’ve no idea of just how much it rocks around here at Wrestlegasm.

      Our discussions of TV cookery shows, comfortable nightwear and Antiques Roadshow are the stuff of debauched legend, rivalled only by the antics of the infamous 18th century Hellfire Club in lasciviousness…

      Glad you enjoy the recaps

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