After an explosive Royal Rumble, a surprisingly entertaining Raw and the official announcement on this week’s show that ECW’s days are numbered, Smackdown had a lot to live up to. Thankfully, it’s Smackdown i.e. a very safe pair of hands.
Chris Jericho was eliminated from the Royal Rumble by Edge. Jericho responded to this by dusting off his finest suit and stomping down to the ring, where he vented on the crowd in a rather angry fashion.
Jericho called Teddy Long out to explain why he of all people had to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match at the PPV. When he failed to respond, Jericho went looking for Teddy himself. He marched past the table of fruit and honey-nut Cheerios (so healthy), shouted in The Hart Dynasty’s frightened faces, attacked a fat man and flung the door of Teddy’s office open. But wait…….
They can’t belong to Teddy Long. Who could it be?
Edge made one of his usual intense speeches and let Jericho know that he was bringing The Cutting Edge back, so he could have a nice chat with The Undertaker. Good luck with that, Edge. Not been getting any ‘great conversationalist’ vibes from The Deadman lately. Still, you never know.
Just as on Raw, the show was crammed full of Elimination Chamber qualification matches. The first of those matches was a Triple Threat between Drew McIntyre, John Morrison and Kane. I was pretty sure this wouldn’t be won by John Morrison. Some men seem to suit a good caging, some need to let their spirit fly free. Then again, maybe I’m confusing John Morrison with Jim Morrison.
One of the things I love about wrestling is its ability to bring people from all walks of life together. True, most ‘pure’ wrestling fans are scumbags (confirmed by eye-witness report from Raw in Nashville), but where else would you see a white, upper-middle class lady with apparent wealth bouncing along to sub-standard hip-hop music, spun out by a man who wears spray-painted graffiti jeans and electrical tape around his biceps?
R-Truth had an Elimation Chamber qualifying match against professional jobber, Mike Knox. No change of pecking order this week.
I need to take you away from Smackdown for a moment. Remember when you were a kid and your hamster died? You were so sad that you cried for a week, and to make you feel better your mum said “It’s ok, sweetheart, we’ll buy you another hamster to replace Fluffychops.” To which you responded with something along the lines of “No, Mum! I don’t want a replacement. I want Fluffychops back!” Then you got over it and realised you loved the new hamster just as much…. he was just different. You’re wondering where I’m going with this, aren’t you? Well, for several weeks now I’ve been mourning the loss of hot-Punk (Fluffychops). People kept telling me how great New CM Punk was but I couldn’t, nay, didn’t want to see it. Then the Royal Rumble happened and the penny dropped. I still miss you, hot-Punk, but your Rumble performance was nothing short of genius and I think I love you even more deeply than I did before. The way he eliminated Zack Ryder alone makes me laugh every time I watch it. And I’ve watched it a LOT! Besides, if this storyline ends in anything less than someone shaving Punk’s hair and beard off, it’ll be a totally wasted creative opportunity. So really, I can’t lose. Thank you for your patience while I grieved. Back to Smackdown.
Over in the locker room, Punk was rallying his troops for another night of soul saving. An observation though…. Luke Gallows’ attachment to Punk has crossed the line from BFF to “I think I like you as more than a friend” and it interfere’s with now returning Punk-love. Stop it, Gallows! Get your filthy fingers outta my pie!
That’s enough of this chatter, let’s get to Punk’s EC qualifying match against Batista. Oh wait, just one more thing. Thanks to the wardrobe dept. for reading my Raw recap and dressing Serena in a more flattering dress. Although, the matching hair-clippers handbag was a bit much.
Both men were in the ring in prepapration for the match, but something wasn’t quite right. Dave didn’t seem his usual AAAARRRGH self. In fact, if he’d been any more chilled he’d have been horizontal.
Contrary to Matt Striker’s theory that Dave was trying to make Punk angry and sloppy, the match never actually happened. Dave strolled away with a big grin on his face and Punk won by default. If that’s how easy it is to beat Batista these days, I think I’ll challenge him to a match myself. Punk was delirious at making his way into the Elimination Chamber with no effort whatsoever.
After cracking on to Maria in a thinly veiled “I love your work” bit, Matt Hardy took Chris Jericho on to challenge for a spot in the Elimination Chamber. I won’t bore you with the details. Jericho’s in the Chamber.
You know that long, drawn-out Piggy James storyline which tormented me from week-to-week? It all came to an end at the Rumble. Michelle McCool ran her mouth, Layla wore the fat-suit again, Mickie James swiped the title belt in a match lasting seconds and all the face girls piled cake on top of Team Lay-Cool. Did someone say ‘anti-climax’? You’d think they would at least have ended this awful mess with an epic match after such a big build-up. Anyway, that’s all over now. Mickie’s the champ again and all is right with the world.
Mickie was just about to launch into a lecture about karma when Beth Phoenix showed up. I’ll come to Beth’s Rumble achievements in a separate post, but for now she wanted Mickie to know that she had plans to take the Women’s Title. It appeared that something was about to kick off, but Vickie Guerrero had other plans and sent Team Lay-Cool out for a tag-match.
They went on to have a pretty nifty little match. Beth had Michelle all locked up and tagged Mickie in to take over. But as Mickie went to work on McCool’s arm, Beth turned on her supposed partner and left her writhing in agony on the canvas. Oh and then she took Michelle out too, you know, just for laffs.
Michelle rolled herself over and tagged Layla in, but Mickie was waiting and managed to grab at Layla’s neck, hold her shoulders down and take the win. Beth Phoenix vs Mickie James. Finally, eh? FINALLY!
Back to the Elimination Chamber hopefuls with Rey Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler. Much as I love he of the loveliest arse to ever find itself wrapped in Baco-Foil, the idea that Ziggler would be allowed in the Chamber over Rey Mysterio is pretty unimaginable. While I’m here, a quick message to Dolph Ziggler….. please break kayfabe and be yourself on your Twitter account. It’s allowed. See Chris Jericho and Beth Phoenix’s Twitter accounts for tips on how to be awesome.
Time for some more Edge mic-work. True, he’s had a lot of it this week. But fair play to the guy, he’s had a lot of months without an arena full of people to entertain with his Sheamus impression. Edge was about to welcome The Deadman to the ring when Chris Jericho popped up. They shouted back and forth about who deserved more in life, then they were interupted by someone who believe himself more worthy of praise than either of them…..
Hold on a minute… this chit-chat is all well and good, but where’s the actual person who was supposed to Edge’s guest of honour?
Taker got rid of The Straight Edge Society, Edge speared Jericho out of the way and the two of them circled each other to indicate that they’re not going to fight right now, but they will some time in the future. Body language rules so hard!