andrew’s ecw(lite): i want fight sex man!

I watched this week’s ECW at approximately 37,000ft on a 52” HD TV, sat in the plush leather seats of my private jet, while chowing down on the finest cuisine imaginable and sipping on the most expensive champagne on earth.

Sorry, I’ll start again. I watched this week’s ECW at approximately 2ft on a 32” crappy hand-me-down TV, sat in the torn leather seat of my cheap couch from Argos, while chowing down on Roast Beef Monster Munch and sipping slightly too warm cans of Carling lager. Somehow my life doesn’t seem quite so jet-set as Ray’s, but then she is the boss so it’s only right I suppose.

First of all, good news! No Abraham Washington show this week. The show starts instead with Josh Mathews in the ring, with the ECW title hanging above the ring (and Mathews managing to use the word “literally” correctly for once). Josh was interrupted by proud US citizen Kozlov calling out Jackson after last weeks events.

I love Double-Double-E and I love little flag.

Jackson came out to fight, quickly followed by voice of reason, Ruthless Roundtable ruler Regal. Regal split the two up, falling to his knees in supplication and almost shedding tears in his attempt to get Kozlov & Jackson to kiss and make up.

True, boys may not cry; but Regal's a man's man

At this point Shelton came out, imploring the crowd to chant “Let Them Fight”. This was actually quite notable as one of the few things that Shelton managed to avoid messing up tonight. After Regal pointed out that this confrontation was 3 on 1, Shelton was joined by Christian and Yoshi Tatsu. Yep, Yoshi Tatsu’s back on telly! After Christian called Regal “Bill” for a bit, Shelton botched a few lines, and Regal called Benjamin “sunshine” – Shelton suggested a 6 man tag for that night…

One of these women has the authority to make UK citizens fight, the other is the Queen

GM Tiffany came out, and revelling in the undeniable air of authority that her “I’m Insatiable” entrance theme creates, offered each member of the Ruthless Roundtable the choice of either the six man tag, or letting Kozlov and Jackson fight one on one.

Regal voted to fight in the 6 man tag match, and Jackson voted to fight Kozlov. Kozlov, left in the Len Goodman role, cast his deciding vote with the immortal words “I WANT FIGHT SEX MAN!”

On to the first match, and unfortunately it was Vance Archer being all “intense” again. Strangely though, this week the ring was empty before Archer got there. Could this be the end of Archer’s push? Could this be the first time he fights (and loses to) a non-jobber?

Oh... never mind

So, this one was pretty much a given, and Archer got the win, although not before Tommy managed to get some (pretty dire) offence in.

Backstage, in Tiffany’s office, the GM was talking to the Hurricane’s masked assailant and his companion; aka. The Ripper and The Beautiful Nightmare…

Gregory Helms interrupted the meeting, allowing Tiffany to channel Matt Striker momentarily and make a “Justice League” reference. Tiffany then agreed that if “The Ripper” can beat “The Hurricane” next Tuesday he can have an ECW contract. I’m a big Burchill fan (although I wish he’d get to bring back the pirate gimmick) so I’m glad they haven’t just shifted him onto Raw where I wouldn’t get to see him much.

We now move to another part of the backstage area, where Zack Ryder was feeding Rosa Mendes cakes. They were interrupted by a sweaty Dreamer; whereupon Ryder confessed that he used to be a huge Dreamer fan, but now he just wants to end Tommy’s career. This presumably means we’re moving into a Dreamer-Ryder feud (yawn), although with ECW supposedly changing tack (and name) soon, maybe this means that Dreamer will actually retire this time.

Next up is Barreta and Croft, facing a couple of jobbers again. I’ve got high hopes for these two; their match last week was pretty fun, and this week was as well. Commentators Byron Saxton and Josh Mathews spent the whole match talking about video games rather than the match, which is another indicator that maybe Striker is writing the ECW scripts.

See, it's easy

Main Event time – and the aforementioned six man tag pitting Christian, Benjamin & Yoshi against Regal, Kozlov & Jackson. Incidentally, I’ve just decided to download Regal’s entrance theme as the ringtone for my mobile – yes, I am *that* cool… Unlike the last couple of weeks, this main event wasn’t a disappointment, slowly teasing whether Kozlov and Jackson would work together. The contrasting styles of the two teams worked as well; the more acrobatic face team against the brawlers in the heel team.

One thing I did happen to notice for the first time is that Shelton has gold charity-type ribbons printed on his boots. Now we all know that red ones are for HIV/AIDS, and pink ones are for Breast Cancer – but I had no idea what gold ones are for.

According to this enlightening website, Gold is for Breast Feeding; unfortunately for any immature comments I may have wanted to make, this article says it’s actually yellow and in support of US troops, which isn’t quite as ripe for jokes.
Eventually, it was Kozlov’s turn to walk out of the match, Jackson chasing him up the ramp and attacking him. Regal again tried to smooth things over, but this led to his team being counted out, which led Shelton to do this:

For some reason, they had left Christian’s belt hanging from the top of the arena all night after Josh’s opening promo. After Christian pulled out a ladder and climbed to retrieve his belt, Shelton did this:

That’s right, less than a week before what is arguably Shelton’s most important match ever, he nearly killed himself three times in the space of a couple of minutes. In case you can’t make it out in that second one, he managed to narrowly avoid slipping off the top rope, before the ladder nearly snapped in half when he landed on it. It’s things like this that make me like Shelton so much, and I’m desperately hoping that their ladder match at TLC will manage to keep me awake until 4am (when I have to take the kids to nursery at 8 and then work at 9). The things I do for professional wrestling…

Favourite Crowd Member of the Week? That’s an easy one this week, Rick Achberger…

Why was he the best fan this week? Well, do you  have your own action figure? You do? Really? Well OK, have you ever been on Deal or No Deal? You have? Hmm… not sure I believe you but fine. Did Edge, Randy Orton, John Cena and Bobby Lashley turn up to heckle/support you? No, I didn’t think so:

Face it, he's a bigger fan than we are...


2 thoughts on “andrew’s ecw(lite): i want fight sex man!

  1. 1. LOL Breast feeding! People definitely have yellow ribbons on their cars to support the troops (here in Canada, anyway) but now, whenever I see them, I’m going to think of breast feeding.

    2. Your crowd member of the week from ECW was just as electric in the Smackdown! crowd, too; I forget exactly what/when but he yelled something out at one point that was pretty awesome.

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