Smackdown started with Chris Jericho doing his usual ‘nobody ever listens to me…..nobody ever gives me what I deserve’ speech. But in an incidence of ‘you should be careful what you wish for’, Teddy Long appeared and gave Jericho a one-on-one match against The Undertaker.
Next we had The Hart Dynasty vs Cryme Tyme, which was fantastic. Nothing major to report there, other than I’m slightly concerned by how Matt Striker knows that Shad Gaspard loves it when you call him Big Poppa. Want to share any tales from the road with us, sir? No? Ok, just email me then. Also, I’m not sure what she did differently this week, but Natalya looked lovely. Was the hair a different colour?
Over in Teddy Long’s office, John Morrison had shown up for a chat. John Morrison, you are a very pretty boy, but when you cut a promo it makes me feel uncomfortable and slightly uneasy. It’s almost like Susan Boyle in reverse.
Also, John Morrison, did you just claim to have better abs than Gerard Butler in 300?
John and Teddy were about to discuss who John Morrison’s next opponent might be when Vickie Guerrero and still repulsive (not in love yet) Eric Escobar appeared to complain about the newcomer’s lack of in-ring action. I’d like to complain about their out-of-ring attire. That colour should be reserved for zoo keepers, hospital porters and potato sacks. And I know it can be tricky to keep your own identity in a relationship, but seriously, never dress in the same outfit. Ever!
John Morrison was in need of an opponent, Escobar wanted some fight time, Teddy knew how to solve this problem.
Back in the arena CM Punk and a companion made their way to the ring. His new friend looked like an inmate from Oz, but with a really bitchin’ tan and designer army fatigues. Punk was annoyed that the intervention he staged on our behalf last week had failed and brought ‘Luke Gallows’ out to prove that his conversion to Straight Edge methods really work. You don’t recognise him, do you? You should. But I didn’t at first either, so don’t feel bad.
Punk had warned us of the evils of prescription medication, alcohol and tobacco. But he had something even more dangerous to keep us away from.
It was a fabulous exercise in reverse psychology. Trash the hero so everyone will buy his DVD. Genius. All this Jeff bashing was upsetting for the other Hardy, so Matt came out to fan the shopping flames. ‘Luke Gallows’ stepped aside and the two rivals went at it. Matt Striker asking why everyone is so against Punk was awesome. I agree, Matt Striker. Punk is just offering a valuable service, right? Not the greatest match in the world but certainly not the worst and Matt Hardy’s work rate seemed to have picked up. But not so much that Punk couldn’t have kicked Matt’s arse without help. He didn’t need Gallows’ assistance, but he called upon it anyway; the two of them mauling Matt Hardy until he was sparko.
You know, hearing Matt Striker present the case for the heels is always great fun….when I like that particular heel. When he’s full of favourable adjectives for Punk, I’m in heaven. When he’s justifying Michelle McCool’s Piggy James video, I can feel a little wobble in my tummy. But, love is blind and the last time I looked you’re not allowed to fire someone for having opposing opinions to your own, so The Dean still has his Wrestlegasm job for the time being. Despite the bullying, Mickie James refused to leave her job on Smackdown and informed Josh that she planned on being around for a long time.
Next we had a Batista vs Kane match for the Number One Contender’s spot against The Undertaker at the TLC PPV. You’d think a Batista/Kane match would be pretty bleak, but surprisingly not. It was actually rather good. No, really. But there’s no way they’d have an Undertaker/Kane title match at the moment, so Batista won by count-out.
Right, time to get Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum out. I’ll let you decide which is which, but at least Eric changed his top before coming out.
Then again, John Morrison has taken to stretching a picture of his face across his genitals, so Escobar’s not the only guy with fashion issues in this match. Yeah, it’s definitely time for a new Crotch Watch.
In spite of some early interference from Vickie, who attempted to drag Morrison down the apron, John still took the match with the Starship Pain. But wait, the cougar has turned wild and things aren’t looking good for Mr. Escobar. Vickie loves a winner (!) so being associated with such an epic loser didn’t sit right with her.
Although, just like Edge, he battered Vickie’s self-esteem and informed her that he has to give himself a good scrub every time his skin comes in contact with hers.
Just one match left – Chris Jericho vs The Undertaker with Batista on commentary. The last time Batista was on commentary he didn’t say anything and he forgot to put his trousers on. This time…. he didn’t say anything, forgot to put his trousers on and replaced his top with a towel . Stress does funny things to Dave.
The match wasn’t as great as their match a couple of weeks ago, but it was solid. And this was all about establishing a believable feud between Dave and Taker with only a couple of weeks before the next PPV. So, Dave interfered with the match, scowled, grinned in a scary manner and knocked Taker unconscious with a few chairs.