cool britannia week: part six

……. or as it’s usually known smackdown(lite).

Still in Sheffield, CM Punk got things started. I wonder if Taker let him sit side-saddle on his broomstick or if Punk had to travel up from Cardiff on the bus with all the other mere mortals. I also wonder where Punk got his impression of the British. I get the whole downing pints in the pub thing. Fair comment. But chewing tobacco? Really? I can honestly say I don’t know anyone who’s ever chewed tobacco. Yeuch! But then he invited everyone to take a good look at him and declared that he was……….

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This gem of verbal abuse went on for some time, but it ended with him announcing that he’d filed an official complaint concerning last week’s events and that he’ll be fighting R-Truth again to put an end to the nonsense. Truth came out, whipped the crowd up and claimed that he’d be filing a complaint against Punk…..for impersonating a man. WHAT?!?!?!? Punk is a WOMAN? Bloody hell. Don’t make me turn lesbian. I like boys! Speaking of boys I like, is it bad that I want Jim Ross to rest for a bit longer so that Matt Striker can stay on SD ?

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The match got started and within a couple of minutes Striker had already repeated his comparison of Punk and Johnny Cash and had made several references to his new hair growth. *HEART* The match felt short, but now that they’re kind of dropping Punk down to the midcard, I’m not surprised. You’re a main eventer in my heart, hun. After a snippet of shenanigans towards the end, Punk took the match.

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Chest beard and face fuzz coming along nicely.

Grisham spoke a bit of street-lingo and Striker told him off. “Next you’ll be Twittering and MySpacing!” Striker scoffed.

Dear Mr. Striker

Please get a Twitter account. I’ll promise not to bother you too much.

Yours hopefully,

Ray

xxxxxx

In the back, Layla made another attempt at trying to run Mickie James out of town. Why don’t YOU get outta town, Layla? And sort that accent out while you’re at it. Oh and what is Michelle McCool doing sneaking into Mickie’s dressing room back there?

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Mickie James was staying put and had a match against Natalya…..

NTAOTHD

That's it. I'm dead! I bow to your skills with pop culture references, Striker. I couldn't have come up with that one if I'd tried. You just keep delivering the lines and I'll photoshop them for you.

This should have been one of the best matches of recent months. Two of the best female workers in the company going head-to-head for the first time since Mickie’s draft to Smackdown. But it was all spoilt by a load of catty silliness when Layla and Michelle McCool swung down the ramp, cutting Mickie’s clothes up with a big pair of dressmaking scissors as they went.

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Ok, I know this isn’t real, but I really detest bullying. Bullying in the workplace is vile. This has to stop. Don’t cry Mickie James. I’m with ya! We’ll pop down to TopShop and get you some new clothes asap. TJ MAXX? Silly Matt Striker. Mickie can afford something a little more expensive than TJ MAXX. Although, the green heels I wore partly through my meeting with Kofi and Gail came from there. They’re verycute! And by the way, it’s TK MAXX in the UK. Got it? Good.

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Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed John Morrison about his match with Dolph Ziggler later that night. Oh John. You may be beautiful but your promo skills are minging. I can’t believe I just said minging. I’m not fifteen years old. Honest! Basically John said he was going to kick Dolph harder than David Beckham and rock it harder than The Beatles. *Facepalm*

It seems they’ve finally settled on an outfit for Drew McIntyre and I’m not happy. He’s still waterproof. Boo! And maybe it was because he was on home turf this week, but I’m sure he’d been watching Billy Connelly DVDs before he came out. Could that accent get any stronger?  Not a complaint, just surprised that kind of individuality is being allowed. He was fighting Finlay, which was great, but I have to pull Striker up on something here. He said “Even here in Britain with a notorious disdain for the Irish,  Finlay still receives ovations of respect, no matter where the fighting Irishman goes.” Finlay is from Northern Ireland, which is part of the United Kingdom, along with England, Scotland and of course Wales. The Republic of Ireland is separate country. Whether Northern Ireland is British or Irish is kind of sensitive topic. Maybe you’ve heard of this particular conflict on the news. And where does this disdain for the Irish come from? Everyone loves the Irish. But it’s ok, Matt Striker, we’ll cover political geography next time you’re in my Cardiff wrestle bunker.

May or may not be the entrance to the Cardiff wrestle bunker.

May or may not be the entrance to the Cardiff Wrestle Bunker.

Drew McIntyre made light work of Finlay. But at least he actually made it to the bell this week. Unfortunately, he continued after the second bell, whacking Finlay with his own tools. The (Northern) Irishman looked like he was in trouble, the announce team even dropping down to their ‘serious times’ voices. But don’t worry, he’s ooooookaaaaaay!!!!!!

As mentioned several times, this week’s show was from Sheffield. In the North of England. So they showed a few shots of London.

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Makes perfect sense.

Everyone loves a good contract signing; mainly because it usually ends in carnage. Rey Mysterio was still wearing black to represent the death of his friendship with Batista. Dave, however, seemed to have cheered up a bit, wearing a white shirt and stonewash jeans. It’s the outfit of new but evil beginnings.

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They signed the Survivor Series match contract straight away, but Dave wanted Rey to sign another contract. This one stated that Dave would not  be held legally responsible for whatever happened during the match. Rey refused. Dave started going all Randy-Orton-IED, so Rey gave in and signed the bloody thing. Then he flipped the table into Dave and walked off up the ramp.

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Bye Daaaave!

Right, time for another match and it happened to by new favourite boys, Dolph Ziggler vs John Morrison. Ooooh, look at Dolph with his new waistcoat.

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A hard working match on both sides. Kind of a repeat of what I saw in person the night before. Great stuff. I could watch them all day long. And not just for aesthetic reasons. Sweet that Striker alluded to a little John Morrison envy. You’ve got nothing to be jealous of, Matt. John Morrison may be a high-brow creative, writing deep and meaningful poetry. But I’d take obscure references to awful 80’s television over rhyming couplets any day of the week. Both Morrison and Ziggler were counted out together, meaning the Intercontinental Championship stayed with John Morrison. Ach! Just give it to Dolph already.

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There's no reason for this picture. I just liked it. For aesthetic reasons. PS----> Last night I dreamt I met Dolph and he made me a cheese and pastrami sandwich. My healthy eating regime must be making me crave cured meats. And Dolph Ziggler.

Beth Phoenix destroyed another nobody. I think I’m the only person not enjoying these matches. This is my blog, so I choose to skip it. Booo me to the hills if you must.

Surprisingly, the Chris Jericho vs Undertaker match was the first time they’ve ever met. And it was AWESOME! I’m glad they gave it a reasonable amount of time too. At least, as much as they could allow on a two-hour show (minus ads). Having something that spectacular on Smackdown gives me high hopes for Survivor Series. Ok, I’m definitely asking for next Monday morning off work now. Everyone’s on great form at the moment. It won’t be the same if I watch the next day. The match ended when Taker put the Hell’s Gate on Jericho, forcing him to tap out. Big Show came out to give Jericho a hand, followed by Kane in an act of brotherly love.

Mr. McMahon announced that these four would face each other in a tag match on next week’s Smackdown. And look, he’s obviously in Sheffield and not on a pre-recorded clip done in Connecticut because……..

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Kane set the ring on fire and Lennie helped George out of the arena.

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If Matt Striker can reference Hemingway and Dickens, I can reference Steinbeck. 😛

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4 thoughts on “cool britannia week: part six

  1. When they showed those shots of London at the arena, they actually put on some that it was Sheffield. Surprisingly, they cut the loud booing…

  2. The Canadian equivalent is Toronto representing the rest of Canada… when we love to hate Toronto.

    You know, the more I think about her, the more I love Beth Phoenix. I want her to get competition dammit.

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