smackdown(lite): heel-juice

The first post-PPV Smackdown started with Theodore Long, Bragging about how Smackdown had dominated the Pay Per View. It was his Right to do so. Bursting with Smackdown pride, Teddy launched into a speech about how he planned on giving the Big Show a shot at the World Heavyweight title. What? Because he took the bullet for his supposed rival team? Pffffttt. Chris Jericho took umbrage with this decision, but he challenged it a little more poetically than I did.

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Or like I said.......Pfffft.

But then Kane took umbrage  with Jericho’s claims and decided that he deserved a title shot instead. This is getting messy. I can feel a scrap coming on.  Why talk things over like mature adults when you can beat each other up?

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Teddy pacified the two former co-captains by making the title match at triple threat.  Kane and Jericho would fight each other that night for the third spot in the match. Sounds like a plan. Good work, Teddy. That’s why you’re Vince’s bitch the boss.

Next we had a John Morrison vs Dolph Ziggler match. Ahhhh, nice to see my Zig back. I missed him so at Bragging Rights. Although, I really wish he’d keep his mouth shut. He came out, blistered John Morrison for losing to The Miz, claiming that everyone else (including him) played their part in making Smackdown the 2009 Bragging Rights champions. Having been ousted from Team Smackdown the previous week, Dolph really played no part in their success. John Morrison suggested that Dolph’s pride in winning the big trophy was a little premature….. similar to the rumours Maria had been spreading in the back about Dolph’s other shiny trophy.

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Unless you happen to be the woman at the end of it. Or not, as the case may be.

So they had an awesome match, which was punctuated by Matt Striker’s brilliant commentary. If I can’t listen to JR, bring Striker in. Not only does he share my love of throwing song titles and lyrics into his commentary at inappropriate moments (this week it was Janet Jackson), but he also comes out with amazing random facts. I’m considering making Matt Striker Patron Saint of Wrestlegasm.com. After all, I still get a fair amount of web traffic from people looking for the pictures he took of his trophy. I fear the Catholic Church may object to this, so I’ll remain saintless. For now.

After bigging up Dolph Ziggler’s collegiate accomplishments, Striker went on to say “…and he has GREAT abs.” , I bloody love you, Striker. Come join me in my Cardiff wrestle bunker. We’ll count wrestlers’ abdominal muscles, listen to awesome tunes and figure out how to squeeze more references to The Smiths into your commentary. Todd Grisham was feeling upstaged, so he scoffed at Striker’s topic of discussion, then gave in to it by reminding us that John Morrison is the Ambassador of Abdominals. Easy, fellas. No need to squabble. Let’s aaaaall of us just enjoy the abs.

Back to the match! Ziggler did this……..

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….. and smashed Morrison into the announce table. Dolph scrambled his way back into the ring and left the one with the prettiest hair in the land to be counted out. I expect this to lead to Ziggler getting a title shot, because there’s too much comedy mileage left in these two. Make it happen. Thanks.

Teddy Long’s office is a monument to product placement. I mean, just look. Four separate WWE Retail products in one shot. Bravo!

*Kerching

*Kerching

Now, this scene was all about CM Punk complaining about not having the opportunity of a rematch against The Undertaker. Naturally, Teddy was not inclined to succumb to this as he had already set-up the triple threat. Vince showed up and it appeared that, as usual, he would assert his authority and override Mr. Long’s decisions. Not this time. But he did feel that Punk had some unfinished business to attend to and gave him a match against that downtrodden referee, Scott Armstrong. REALLY!

Next, Beth Phoenix was taking on…………….

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As this was Beth’s first match on Smackdown since the mini-draft a couple of weeks ago, it appeared we needed a reminder of just how immensely powerful she is. I couldn’t see the point of it myself. We know who Beth is and what she can do. I would like to have seen a new feud starting. But whatever. She won. She’s big and strong. We get it. Storyline now please.

Apparently, it’s Halloween weekend. I wouldn’t really know. The British generally shun Halloween as it tends to be an excuse for delinquent youths to throw eggs and flour at people’s cars. And it’s an American holiday. Boo! America. Sad. Because, having twice experienced Halloween in America it really could be a whole pumpkin full of fun. Alas, it is not to be. But I’ve got a large bag of Cadbury’s Caramel Minis in the porch if any brave kids decide to knock on the door. If none of them come, I’ll eat them all myself. Just as soon as I get my appetite back from this annoying bug. Yeah yeah, poor me, I know.

Vickie Guerrero was in the Halloween spirit and dressed up like a princess. I know I said last week that she was in need of a little nip-in-at-waist tailoring, but going for full whale-bone corsetry was a little extreme, Vicks.

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Anyway, she introduced her beau, Eric Escobar and…..urgh isn’t he the most boring guy on the roster at the moment? Yawn. Just bring Matt Hardy out so I can complain about his baggy, cornflower-blue tights. Actually, the whole thing was kind of dull, so just know that Matt Hardy won, Vickie screeched and Escobar…. well …… did nothing.

So if you listened to my podcast (or watched Bragging Rights) you’ll know that Dave Batista turned heel on his familia, Rey Mysterio. Poor little dude. 😦 Confession: I actually said a little more about that on the podcast but due to my horrible editing skills I managed to delete what I said without being able to get it back. Broadcasting = trauma.

Rey was all dressed in black to represent his melancholy and he wanted an explanation. Yeah, Dave. Why you do wha’ you do, huh? Before Dave comes out, let me just say……

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I know it's tough finding jeans that don't drag when you're short. I feel your pain. But don't roll.

Dave came out dressed in black to represent his badass-ness and told Rey to go away. No dice. Rey wanted to talk it out. And you know Rey was serious because he said ‘dawg’ and ‘homie’ a LOT. Dave wasn’t interested and told him once again to leave. Rey thought about it, but still he refused to disappear. You’ve got to admire his pluck. Rey tried his best, but Dave was all closed off emotionally. He didn’t even flinch when Rey brought up Eddie Guerrero.

*GASP*

*GASP*

Rey stood his ground, Dave got bored and then left to booing and hissing from the crowd. Heel turn complete.

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And just to rub a little extra heel-juice into the wound, Dave attacked Matt Hardy while he was making a phone call, after Matt had tried to talk some sense into Dave.

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He deserved that for having such a shitty phone. I know you don't do all that Tweeting from that thing, Matt.

Back in the arena, it was time for everyone’s favourite Scot, Drew McIntyre, to face everyone’s favourite Northern Irishman, Finlay. I am LOVING how Drew’s outfit is developing. Week-by-week the wardrobe department bedazzle him just that little bit more.

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You’d think that Finlay and Drew would be pals. One from Antrim, the other from Ayrshire, they’re practically neighbours! But this is wrestling and they’re on opposite sides of the fence, so they must fight. As is becoming the norm for a Drew McIntyre match, it began and ended swiftly outside the ring. Come on now, Drew. Nobody’s going to respect you if you can’t pull off a proper match. I can’t defend you forever.

Like I said, it’s Halloween, which means the Divas have to degrade themselves and parade around in their horrible costumes. Work those ankles for the boys, ladies. I won’t spend too much time on it. It went like this.

divahcc

CM Punk had his match against referee Scott Armstrong. Armstrong was badly hurt. Punk found it hilarious.

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Let's go.

Jericho and Kane had to fight it out for a spot in the triple threat match with Big Show and Undertaker at Survivor Series, and they did so in rather impressive fashion. Two very safe pairs of hands. And I honestly couldn’t decide which way this one would go. Triple H and Shawn Michaels have to scrap against each other and John Cena for the WWE title on the Raw side, so it made sense that Jericho and Big Show do the same with Taker’s title. But Kane and Taker have got heated history and that would pit three of the big men against each other. As it turned out, they went with Jericho to keep the two brands even. Well what else was Jericho going to do for the next few weeks? Be Show’s cheerleader? Actually, I’d kind of like to see Jericho shimmying with some pom-poms.

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I'd object, but that's kind of an accurate description this week. Apart from the sycophant part.

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13 thoughts on “smackdown(lite): heel-juice

  1. Yay! I’ve been waiting for the review since yesterday =]
    Wonderful read as always… glad Batista got Matt before he tweeted any more cryptic msgs on the net.
    Dunno what the whole deal with Punk beating the ref was. I know it was to build his character and storyline and all that… oh well I guess I should be glad the ‘E didn’t ignore him all together.
    However, as sceptical as I was of the whole situation, have to say, Punk pulled it off with brilliant heel-ness. I see shades of his ROH persona here, with all his aggression, what he said to the ref after the match, and the way he said it.
    Full credit to Armstrong as well, who looks so cutely innocent, what with those bright blue eyes, and the way he was stuck in the situation. I really felt for him. He deserves credit, even though he couldn’t really pull off the GTS =p

    • For a referee I thought Armstrong pulled off a couple of decent bumps. I hope Punk doesn’t start slipping down the card too far now. The problem with Smackdown is that it’s heavy on heels. I’d like to see Edge come back as a face to take him on. That would be a brilliant run. Not sure how close Edge is to actually coming back though.

  2. Looks like they are setting up Rangers/Celtic games for Smackdown these days…

    If only Drew McIntyre was a Glaswegian though.

    • Your knowledge of this fair isle is admirable, sir. Yeah, technically they’re both Glasgow clubs but Celtic was founded by the Irish so it works. If I get blogger’s block one week I might have to steal that idea. With all credit back to you, of course. 🙂

        • Your subtle suggestion that Drew McIntyre is not as tough as a Glaswegian, MC, is being deliberately ignored. People should be kinder to him. Don’t you know how excited I get hearing homely accents on American TV? I am considering wearing a Scottish flag as a toga for Survivor Series.

  3. Hey, don’t get me wrong Ray… I love the Scottish Accent, especially on a woman (Laura Fraser, you have bewitched my heart with it), and I have Scottish roots going back to the 12th century… but when I look at Finlay and then I look at Drew McIntyre, I know who I would bet on in a street fight 😉

    Here’s to hoping there is a Welsh Wrecking Crew soon so you hear your own accent on TV.

  4. Ahh, sam and I are homeboys it seems. I used to live in Greenisland where finlay’s from, and now, i am back in belfast – a few miles away, so yeah, why can’t we have some more of finlay’s Norn Iron accent?

    As for a welsh stable, I think the accent may be a nice one for a really tough ass group because the accent sounds so innocuous and innocent! lol!

    A WWE welsh wrestler … what would they name him? Rarebit Evans-Jones?

    Sounds good to me.

  5. Ray! I am shocked that you didn’t bring up Punk’s lovely display of holiday spirit through his trunks for the Crotch Watch. Black and orange! You gotta love a man who can coordinate his outfits like that. (Especially when it’s such a tiny, tiny outfit)

    • If I put all the Crotch Watch material in the regular show recaps I won’t have anything to say when it comes to actually writing Crotch Watch. So ssshhhh! Don’t give the game away. 🙂

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