smackdown(lite): earmuffs for beth

Before I start on the recap, I’m a bit late with this but a heartfelt get better soon for Jim Ross, who’s had a third attack of Bells Palsy. No jokes. Honest. My mum had it and it’s a horrible thing. Todd Grisham was off getting hitched and living the married life on his honeymoon, so we had a double-dose of Lawler-Cole this week.  Hmm. Come back soon, JR!

On Raw, Chris Jericho took great pride in the fact that Team Smackdown were working together in perfect harmony. But by the time Smackdown swung around, things weren’t looking so rosy. Shad Gaspard called in sick with the flu and JTG had to break the news to Team Co-Captain Jericho. And just when the situation looked like it couldn’t get any worse, Vickie G. and Eric Escobar showed up. And theeeeen, Dolph Ziggler turned up. Ok, Dolph ain’t so bad.  Then Drew McIntyre sauntered to the ring in, well, a dress. Oh dear. It all started so well with the diamante Scottish flags on his trunks and knee-pads. But as ever the costume department and have gone that step too far.

Now that's just silly.

Now that's just silly.

Just like DX on Raw, Jericho and Kane wanted to test the commitment of their team, so they set up a match between the four healthy team members and a group of five Team SD wannabes. Cutting to the chase, Matt Hardy, Finlay, Tyson Kidd, DH Smith and R-Truth trounced the original team members. This meant theoriginal team members were ousted. WHAAAAT? No McIntyre or Ziggler at Bragging Rights?


Me neither, D. I'll protest on your behalf by wearing my new snow leopard PJs through the PPV

Over in Teddy Long’s office, Punk was getting all annoyed with referee Scott Armstrong for not wanting to go along with the plan to dupe The Undertaker once again. It seems he’s grown a conscience. But just was he went to leave, someone rather important made an appearance to change his mind.


John Morrison needed a warm up match before he faces former pal The Miz at Bragging Rights, so he was allocated Mike Knox. Mike’s alter-ego, evil Dr. Knox, reared his ugly head again. I couldn’t quite catch what he was going on about, some kind of abdominal trauma where bile leaks in to the bloodstream and causes the liver to collapse, placing the body into some kind of fatal shock. I dunno. According to Dr. Knox, even the most rock hard abs can’t save one from this terrible trauma.


So, yeah, they had a match where Morrison sealed the deal fairly swiftly.

Backstage Kane and Jericho congratulated their new team mates, and in another part of the arena Mickie James was having a natter with Mae Young. But their nice little chat was interrupted by Michelle McCool. Oh no, this means Michelle wants to talk.


Michelle and Mickie had a little war of words, which Mickie won by a mile. Mickie left, then Beth Phoenix tried to join in. Errrrm, Beth, I think you forgot to put your top on. Here, cover them up with my earmuffs.


Beth informed Michelle that from next week she’ll be coming after the Women’s title, then scooted off camera again. McCool scoffed, Mae Young commented, McCool told a lady old enough to be grandma to shut up, then a lady old enough to be her grandma slapped her right across the chops. It was  thing of beauty that will last forever.


Batista and Rey Mysterio teamed up against Kane and Jericho in their tune-up. It was fine. Nothing spectacular to report.

Swinging over to Teddy Long’s office, the three naughty stooges were trying to persuade Scott Armstrong that having scruples is overrated. Of course, this whole thing is deplorable, but it made CM Punk smile. A LOT. I can’t remember the last time he looked that cheerful…..


Back in the arena, Mickie James kicked Layla into the middle of next week, which was wholeheartedly deserved. Seriously, Layla, pink PVC holdups with ski-pant elastic around the shoes?


CM Punk did a whole speech about how he’s going to ruin The Undertaker. He smiled a lot and pointed at the camera. I swooned like a swooning swooner from Swoontown.


So, Teddy reluctantly took his place at ringside, the referee took an even more reluctant place in the ring and Taker made his way down the ramp.Normally, a dress and some bad fake-bake would be The Undertaker’s worst problem. But this week his hair was doing a whole load of hellish stuffs.


Reminds me of Tom Jones before he realised he was biologically too old to have black hair.

Wales' favourite son

Wales' favourite son

Actually, it was a strange week for hair all round. Maybe he ran out of hot wax or maybe he’s just going for the Tom Selleck look, either way, Punk seems to be growing his chest hair back. Unlike most ladies, I don’t have any strong feelings either way about chest hair. Smooth or shaggy, I’m really not bothered. As long as there’s not a really excessive amount of back hair, I’m cool . If so, I’ll get you some wax. Pronto.


Looks itchy

The build-up to this match was so blatant that it was quite obvious Punk would lose.  I mean, seriously, if WE can see you plotting to bring him down, so can THE UNDERTAKER. It was pretty entertaining though, watching Taker pick each aggressor off one by one.  Teddy’s gonna be in trooooouble!


It’s almost time for Bragging Rights. I need a quick cat-nap. See ya later!