i love, i love, i love my ca-len-dar boyyyy

I give WWE Retail their props for the sheer volume of superstar emblazoned goodies they pump out on a weekly basis. I don’t know how I’d sleep at night if I didn’t have my Randy Orton gas mask throw blanket. Actually, it may be the reason I don’t sleep at night. It may explain why I keep having nightmares about being chased by creepy, gas-masked stranger with amazing thighs!

Sleep tight!

Sleep tight!

But I do have a bone to pick with the retail department. There I was, in Borders, perusing the new Christmas stock. It is October, after all. And everyone should have started thinking about Christmas ages ago. They actually had Christmas cards in Borders in August. Seriously. Ridiculous! Anyway, while rifling through the 2010 wall calendars I spotted the WWE male superstars’ calendar. Joy to the world!

Your office wall calendar is one of those items of great self expression. Like the clothes you wear or the music you listen to, it expresses a little something about who you are.  During 2009 I was very arts and crafty.  Each month of my current calendar displays a pretty Tiffany glass design. I expresses my enjoyment of beautiful design.

tg

Whoa.

I was thinking that this year I should express my non-dainty side and get the WWE calendar. Yeah, because the PPV desktop backgrounds on my monitor and the strategically placed trading cards around my desk don’t quite give me that professional edge. The year ahead looks like this……..

calwwe

Nice to see they’ve really pushed to boat out this year. Retail have used some really old pictures we’ve seen a million times before, where the merchandise being worn in those pictures isn’t even available to purchase on WWE Shop any more. Wouldn’t a sensible thing have been to, oh I don’t know, take some new pictures where John Cena is wearing his John Deere gear and use merchandise to sell more merchandise? It seems odd that they’re constantly peddling new items but churn out some old  piece of tat when it has to hang around on the wall for a whole year. Don’t forget, you can now feel intelligent and undead at the same time with your very own Undertaker collegiate scarf.

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Look, I know the deal. It’s easy money. You want a Christmas present for the wrestling fan in your life, everyone needs a calendar, bingo. But the Divas are called in for new photo shoots practically every week. There’s a football player guest hosting Raw, let’s do a shoot where all the girls dress up in jerseys and cuddle a football. The PPV is in New Orleans so we’ll have them all wearing Mardi Gras masks and playing seductively with beads.

Watch out, Bella Twin. You'll do yourself an injury with those beads caught on your heel!

Watch out, Bella Twin. You'll do yourself an injury with those beads caught on your heel!

Fine by me. New photos are great. All part of the collective Diva branding strategy. But it doesn’t work both ways. Pull the guys in for a new shoot every now and then. We 40% of the audience would rather like that. At the very least, if you’re going to put together a calendar that’s going to be spend 12 months on the wall, take some new pictures. You could say that these kinds of products are targeted at children who don’t care about the date stamp on a photo. But how much trouble would it be to do just one new studio session?

In the grand scheme of life, these minor irritations don’t matter. They certainly don’t matter to WWE Retail, who will shift millions of those calendars between now and January. Pile ’em high and sell ’em cheap. But a little attention to detail would be awfully well received. Just for me? Please? Oh and if you could create an extra month in the summer for CM Punk to appear on, it would be Punkember in my office every month. Thanks.

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2 thoughts on “i love, i love, i love my ca-len-dar boyyyy

  1. damm. if the pictures were new i would be all over that like ugly on a stick. (cept i’d skip january. an entire month of cena would end up feeling like an entire year).

    stupid WWE retail merchandise. put the dammed men infront of a camera. i mean, how many shots would it take to get their “game” faces? like, one? fit them in after a divas shoot already.

    *sulks*. (oh, and i agree, where on earth is punk in this??).

    • Well, if you notice there are only 9 months on the back. Punk is prob. on there somewhere. Although, he’s only really been main eventing for the past 4-5 months and I suspect these were boxed up and ready for the shops before then. Seriously though, CENA is the worst picture there? You’d rather look ar the Undertaker for a 30 days than shirtless Cena? You crazy!

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