As I have mentioned before, finding time to update this blog can sometimes be tricky. But I can guarantee you that it’s never far from my mind. This was never more evident than this Wednesday night when I actually created some content for the blog IN MY SLEEP. Now, I wouldn’t normally publish Tales from My Subconscious, but since it’s relevant to the Crotch Watch segment (whoa, big surprise) I feel like I should share. Don’t worry, it’s not that sordid. It was surprisingly un-sordid (is that a word?)
So, the dream. It starts in a unisex locker room (unisex = co-ed, for the North Americans). I have got a swimsuit on and I’m washing my hair under one of the showers. In walks CM Punk. He’s just finished a match with whomever he was pit against and gets in an already filled bath, which happens to be opposite my shower. He still has trunks on. They’re the white ones, in case you care.
He’s on a post-match high, babbling incessantly about the moves he pulled off and how pumped the crowd were. I nod along and respond at appropriate junctures. He appears to know me quite well and doesn’t seem surprised that I’m there. He rinses himself off, gets out of the bath, takes off his trunks and hands them to me. As my good pal Emma Monkey said when I relayed this sleeptime fairytale to her, ANYTHING could have happened next. It was MY dream. What actually happened was that as he handed me his trunks he said “Wash these for me next time you do some laundry?” I took the trunks and he walked off (naked) to get changed.WHAT? In the dream I was totally cool with this and said yes. When I woke up, I was quite annoyed with myself. I need to master lucid dreaming. I could have given that dream a whole new outcome.
My subconscious SUCKS! It seems I am nothing more than a washer-woman for CM Punk’s sweaty wrestle shorts. Excellent! Even my sleeping brain is against me. It may be that I’m just missing the famed lavender and white trunks. Since Punk went full on super-heel, he’s been wearing deep, dark colours. Dark blue last week, then black and red stars this past Friday. Well, let’s be honest. Lavender doesn’t necessarily scream “I’m gonna kick you in to the middle of next week!” These are “take me seriously or regret it” trunks.
Have you ever had any wrestler related dreams you’d like to share with the interweb? Feel free to leave a comment, but nothing so vulgar I’ll have to delete it. You know who you are.
Honourable mentions for this exciting installment go to two of the Raw roster. First up, Randy Orton. Who emblazened his groinal area with a yellow design based on the spiked tribal tattoo across his back. I do actually notice these little details, you know. Nice work, my friend. If he’d asked I would have put him in this post anyway, but the fact that he’s gone that extra mile and had some new trunks made is very impressive.
Second honourable mention goes to The Miz. Last week he was a tights wearing loser, having been booted out of the company as the result of a lumberjack match against John Cena. A week later, he returned in communicado as The Calgary Kid. Of course, once all was revealed and The Miz showed his face, the initial excitement tempered. But what a difference a week makes. The trunks definitely look better than the tights. Kind of like when you wear a short skirt and cropped leggings thinking the leggings will make your legs more slinky. Not necessarily so. I suspect he’ll go back to his regulation tights tomorrow night, but hey, for one week only it was su-weet.
My favourite girlie outfit came in the form of Gail Kim’s Raw outfit this week. Red and gold glitter = FIERCE!
One final thing, now that Kelly-Kelly has taken some advice and has invested in some professional wrestling boots, she probably has several pairs of high-top sneaks hanging round her house. Since these guys are always on the road and don’t have much luggage room, she won’t really need them, so I’m quite happy to take them off her hands. I’m renegotiating my style at the moment. A couple of pairs of high tops would fit right in. Thanks, Kel.