the road to diva status

My relationship with the gym is kind of patchy. I go through phases. There have been times when I’ve been super-fit and strong, times when I’ve been shamefully lazy, and times when I’ve fallen somewhere in the middle. I don’t think I’ve been to the gym in….umm…well…. drop the five, carry the 7…..errrr…..probably close to two months. Rubbish. I know. So when the button popped off my trousers today (totally an accident of poor stitching, I swear) I took it as a sign from above.

Reckon I can get one of them there diva bodies by December? HIGHLY unlikely. But you need some kind of motivation, right? Something to aim for? Twitter has been a revelation. Seeing and hearing about how much our WWE superstars train is amazing and majorly inspirational.  Which is why I added a large number of titantron themes to my WWE playlist last week. Picturing their physical sculpture spurs me on to create my own. Whatever gets you through that hard-working hour, I suppose.

THIS EVENING’S GYM OBSERVATIONS

Brand new Victoria's Secret water bottle. Notice sad person wrestling trading cards decorating the background. Yep, that is the office of a grown up.

Brand new Victoria's Secret water bottle. Notice sad person wrestling trading cards decorating the background. Yep, that is the office of a grown up.

  • I am far fitter than I gave myself credit for. In fact, I had to hold myself back a bit. Don’t need an injury after one session.

  • Jack Swagger’s theme tune is too slow for my cross-trainer speed.

NO! Mr. Swagger. Sir. Don't hurt me.

NO! Mr. Swagger. Sir. Don't hurt me.

  • Break Down the Walls made me feel like I could take on the universe and win.

Yeah, you're right. That's the power of Jericho!

Yeah, you're right. That's the power of Jericho!

  • Listening to Maryse’s theme tune while doing sits-ups made me do an extra 40.

Ummm...ok, I'll make it 80 extra next time.

Ummm...ok, I'll make it 80 extra next time.

  • CM Punk’s theme tune is the best one for doing chest flies. A bit of senseless screaming and shouting in my ears is perfect for pushing those pads in.

Shee-ah! In my dreams.

Shee-ah! In my dreams.

  • The group of ladies taking a ‘vibration class’ in the corner of the gym looked bored to tears. I mean, I’m sure sprawling yourself out on a big vibrating cushion is highly stimulating, but is that more satisfying than working hard enough that you can shift your pin down to a heavier weight? Don’t answer that! Guys, just do normal gym work. Once you get past the first bit it’s AWESOME.

  • The first rule of vibro club is nobody talks about vibro club. Whoops.

  • You’re only allowed to join the vibrating cushion club if you wear ALL BLACK. It’s the vibro law.

  • My gym buddy, Emma Monkey, caught me doing an involuntary shoulder dance and head bob to Jeff Hardy’s theme music, while racing the clock on a static bike.  I may also have been pursing my lips in between  mouthing the lyrics, but I’m not admitting to that. Once my performance was pointed out to me (from way across the gym) I figured I’d go the whole hog and do this……

Yes, people gave me evils.

Yes, people gave me evils.

I might let you know how Diva Status is getting along from time to time. Next step, stupidly long hair extensions.

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