blog war 09: cornwallis i ain’t

Before recapping Smackdown, I thought I might just take a moment to address a very serious issue. Those of you who have been keeping tabs on Blog War 09 might have noticed it’s been a little quiet of late. We have exchanged snide little comments here and there, but no major swipes of the sword. So, this week, I emailed the LOL Wresslin’ Generals to ask if they had surrendered without telling me. The white flag title was merely to make sure they didn’t launch a water balloon at me from their sling-shot when I approached the fortress gates.


A few days went by without reply. This is not unusual. They never reply to my emails. It’s how they cope with trying not to like me. They don’t want to be drawn in by my charm. I took no response as being their admission of Game Over but, to my horror, the boys very publicly declared that the War was over because I had surrendered. WHAT? Errrrm, NOOOOO! I don’t fink so.

Apparently, despite being a woman (’cause that’s like being disabled, right boys?) I put up a good fight. Well you know what? More fool me for ASKING if they had surrendered. I should have just called them out, challenged them to a verbal brawl and then stood back to wait for retaliation. I keep forgetting I’m dealing with men.


An analogy was drawn  between Blog War 09 and The American Revolutionary War. ha. Very ambitious, but there will be no Yorktown showdown round these parts. Lord Cornwallis was a valiant fighter, but he ultimately folded and allowed his troops to be forced in to a corner and surrounded by the enemy to the point where he had no choice but to hold his hands up and give Washington the keys to America. Sad times for King George III.  And yeah, I know my American history.  I’ve studied it at great length. Although, I’ve learnt everything I actually need to know about America from Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and  Bill Maher. Love you, guys!


So fear not loyal readers, I shall not be subscribing to The Cornwallis Battle Plan. I have more stubbornness in my little finger than that whole army had throughout the entire War. I was born stubborn. No, really. I made my mother wait two weeks past my due date. In a heatwave. Stubborn! So I haven’t surrendered my Blog War crown to America. I’m doing it for Britian and I’m doing it for the girls.


And just in case you’re still not sure who to believe, this can’t possibly be my signature on the fake Terms of Surrender.

Much as I love pinning cutesy hearts on pretty much anything I even mildly like, I do not sign my name with a heart. I sign it with a star like the ones on CM Punk’s shorts. DUH! And don’t be fooled by the fact that this……..


was found on my pillow this morning. It’s not mine. I’ve heard of leaving a horse’s head in your enemy’s bed, but this is ridiculous. And how did you get in to my house?

Anyway, you can now stop slobbering all over each other, you can quit putting a smile on Stalin’s face (what ARE you doing to him back there?), and you can carefully place the Stanley Cup back in the Red Wings’ trophy cabinet. It’s SOOOO not over. And by the way, if your faux victory is akin to that of Barack Obama’s presidential triumph, you’re likening me to Sarah Palin, which is the most hurtful and upsetting thing that could happen to any woman.

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