Smackdown(lite): Everybody hates chris

Back to the old routine and this week’s Smackdown kicked off with Theodore Long in the ring, celebrating Rey Mysterio’s triumphant return to the Smackdown flock. You know what I love? Genuine smiles. Not faux wrestling smiles, but real ‘I’m so happy to be here’ ones. Jeff Hardy did one at the end of last week’s  Smackdown and Rey did one at the beginning of this week’s show. It makes my heart smile.

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But the love-in was rudely interrupted by (according to Grisham) a buzz-kill. Depends on the kind of buzz you’re into, know what I’m sayin’? Anyway,  jealous Jericho made his way to the ring to complain about the fact that Mysterio was now the new SD poster boy again and HE wasn’t.  Chris and Teddy exchanged PLAYAs and PLAYERs, Chris abused the crowd and Rey told him to SHUT UP. Uh-ohhhh! Then he said something in Spanish which I didn’t quite catch, but he did talky-talky-hands so I figure he was telling him to shut his trap in Español. Rey couldn’t handle any more waffle, so he turned and began exiting the ring. Jericho yapped at him but as he left Rey passed the baton on to Jeff Hardy. Oh dear, it’s a relay. Everybody really does hate Chriseverybody-hates-chris copy

By the way, how cool did Jeff look, swaggering down to the ring in civilian clothes, pushing his thumbs through his belt loops and tipping nods of coolness to the crowd? It was like Fonzy had just arrived. And that Southern accent. *SWOON* It makes me miss Tennessee sooo much. (Yeah, I know he’s from N.C, but it’s the closest thing I’ve got). Jeff pretty much told Jericho it was time to put-up or shut-up and told him he wanted to fight him that night. If Jericho won, the title match at Judgement Day with Edge & Jeff would become a three-way scrap for the belt. Jeff told Chris he would expose him for the loser he really was, Chris swung a punch and missed, Jeff slapped him and took off his coat *wolf-whistle*, Jericho left the ring and Teddy confirmed the match. Sweet!

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Ok, time to move on. After a brief interlude, R-Truth began making his way to the ring via the crowd, encouraging people with no rhythm to get hyped up and do a bouncy hip-hop dance. I almost made the lady in this picture my ‘FAVOURITE CROWD MEMBER OF THE SHOW’ (a segment that I totally invented, Adam.) But I found a much better one towards the end of the show.

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R-Truth took on Mike Knox. The bearded one took him to the cleaners. Time for the girls to have a go.  I don’t know if this happens to guys when they watch wrestling (do tell, boys, do tell) but when I see this kind of training effort, I feel kind of ashamed of myself .  As I watched this, I was scarfing down a bacon and fried egg baguette. Thanks for ruining it Michelle McCool. Do you REALLY have to display your amazing stomach like that and make the rest of us feel inferior? Ah who am I kidding? If I looked like that I would just walk around in my underwear with a big cardboard arrow pointing at my abs. Besides, I am of the belief that your body is down to you, so I think I’ll step up the crunches this week.

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It’s been a good week for the ladies. First Mickie and Maryse were given a gimmick-free match on Raw, then Michelle and Gail Kim were given a nice little slot of time on SD. Result! Although, I’m not entirely sure why Michelle took a break during the match to do some push-ups. Show-off! And Alicia could do with ditching the screeching too. But otherwise, it was pretty fantastic.  Even better than Raw. Maybe I don’t need to write my post of complaint about the women after all. (But I will anyway). Michelle McCool set the Faith-Breaker in motion and it was curtains for Gail Kim.

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In the interview area, Jeff Hardy stepped up for a chat with old pal, Josh Matthews, about how he planned on eliminating the distraction that is Chris Jericho. A couple of rooms away and, oh no, my worst fears from last week have been realised. The hideous zebra-print fabric IS part of Maria’s new clothing line. NOOOOOOO!

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It’s ok. I still love you, Maria.  Meanwhile, Edge comes in and Teddy gives him a match that night against CM Punk. Yum! Title match? Non-Title Match? That’s for Punk to decide. Bring it on. Back in the ring, John Morrison is taking on Charlie Haas, who is accompanied by Shelton Benjamin. I feel like I’m supposed to care a lot more than I do about John Morrison. But I kinda don’t. Maybe in a year or so when he’s cut his teeth in the big-leagues. And cuts his hair. Then I might consider him mildly sexy. Shamen? Doubtful. Oh, just in case you DO care, Morrison pinned Haas and spent a couple of minutes daring Shelton Benjamin to take his shirt off.

Now on to something I DO care about – CM Hunk vs Edge (take II).  CROTCH WATCH: Lavender. You know what that means. ………………… whoa, drifted off in to a fantasy there for a moment. Ok, I’m here. They pretty much repeated the same match they had last week, meaning that it was great but I felt like I’d seen it before. Because I had. But rather than have Edge lose and risk the briefcase being cashed in, he walked away from the match, keeping his precious title intact. Punk had just about persuaded Edge to return to the ring when this happened………….

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Only the lavender trunks and some well timed clenching made the whole thing slightly more palatable than the first time around.

This was followed by Cryme Tyme and their two female puppets, Eve Torres (who I like a tiny bit) and Layla (who I should like, but don’t).  I’m  not recapping this tripe. I’m saving it for my serious post. And I can’t be bothered to recap Ziggler and Khali either. I’m nauseated by Ziggler and terrified of Khali. So I’m skipping. Lame, I know, but I’m sick enough this week…..I don’t need any more nausea.

On to the main event, which was fantastic on so many levels. We had Edge on commentary at the announce table, Jericho and Jeff Hardy in the ring and half way through the match, Rey Mysterio joined in and scooted around the ring to keep the crowd firing on all cylinders. Edge donned his headset, kids’ favourite – Jeff Hardy – bounced in and Jericho followed.  The match was rolling along nicely and Jeff was looking dominant. Jericho seemed to be edging towards the ramp when Mysterio came out to make sure he didn’t leg it, allowing Jeff to capitalise.

But by far the best thing about the whole match was Edge’s  commentary and, in particular, his snippy banter with JR. They sounded like a couple on the brink of divorce, failing at being civil in a public place. Poor Todd Grisham had to be piggy in the middle of their lovers’ tiff. It was brilliant. Favourite line from Edge? “Yes, this’ll be the only time you’ll hear me cheering and have the pom-poms on for Jeff Hardy.” I know it’s too obvious, but my photoshop senses were tingling and I couldn’t let it slide without doing this:

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That’s the scariest effing cheerleader I’ve ever seen. I think I just gave MYSELF nightmares with my OWN photoshopping. *shudder* Anyway, they began scrapping outside of the ring and Jericho threw Jeff straight in to Edge’s face, knocking him off his pedestal….literally.

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They made their way back in to the ring, Jeff almost pinning Jericho by grabbing at his crotch and dragging him down while Edge distracted him with a hissy fit at the side of the ring. He kicked out in just enough time and reversed the move, sneakily using the ropes for leverage. Edge had already stormed off and Rey Mysterio did his Justice of the Peace thing, alerting the referee to Jericho’s cheating. Jericho told Rey to keep his cherry out and, while distracted, Jeff finished him off.

Jeff and Edge did a stare-down thing, then just as Jericho regained his composure, Rey Mysterio leapt on to him from the ropes. You know, just for a laugh. Jericho did a strange kick-out AFTER he’d been pounced upon, Rey did more crab-claw-hands and Chris was left hacking his lungs up on the mat.

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FAVOURITE CROWD MEMBER OF THE SHOW

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This little girl – who looked bedazzled by her whole WWE experience. Possibly even her first WWE experience. And her little friends were cute too. Cheering along and waving their action figures in the air. Bless their little cotton socks. Ah, youthful innocence. I remember it well. Remember watching wrestling and having that starry-eyed look on your face? Oh, wait, I still do. That’s why I’m still here. Duh!

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