Blog War 09: Memorandum of Battle

Regular members of the public may not realise this, but once you are a proven purveyor of LOLZ  you are given access to a secret administrative network of Comedy Communication Services, allowing one to communicate with other self-proclaimed comedians without having to use the mail service used by unfunny  mortals. Yesterday, the CCS postie hand delivered me the memo below  from the fellas at LOL, Wresslin’. I scanned it for your convenience.


Looks like battle will have to continue, folks. I’m not so desperate for them to worship me that I’m willing to go transgender. Although, I think I’d rather have a prosthetic penis attached than wear those blue space shoes. Yeuch!

Apart from being able to recall the theme tunes to all race-tracks on Mario Kart 64 and do a particularly impressive impression of Luigi (Amma Luiiiigi, naam-ba one!) I don’t think I’m nerdy enough for these boys. It’s lonely being this cool.

I might have amazing photoshop skills but I’m not so crash hot at video production. Fail.

As for having an eye for detail, I do make an attempt at proof reading my stuff several times before publication, but I am a chronic sufferer of Blepharitis and sometimes my inflamed eyelids cause me to miss things. (Mmm, eye disease is so sexy.)

I  do actually have thousands of fans who visit every day.  They’re just the strong, silent types and don’t feel like leaving comments. I respect their decision.

Ummm…if I’ve refused to switch nationalities for my (Michigan born, Tennessee resident) boyfriend, I certainly won’t be doing it for anyone else.  As for Texas and Jersey….. Texas is the state of disappointment (everything ISN’T bigger) and if the smell that comes through the train windows on the journey from Princeton to Penn Station is anything to go by, I’ll have to pass on New Jersey too.


PS> There’s no reason why the innocent man at  Botchamania should get caught in the crossfire of Blog War 09,  so please DO visit him often.  It is AMAZING. Why? Because British people create the most awesome wrestle-comedy content on the internet….and, well, what they said.


2 thoughts on “Blog War 09: Memorandum of Battle

  1. -Welsh Tart,

    Per you fraudulent document:

    1) How did you so accurately forge my signature? Should I be concerned over my bank account?

    2) Switching allegiance to the United States may not be the worst idea in the world. Sure I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good.

    That used to be called “Patriotism.”

    Regardless, Matt and I love this great land of ours’ and respect all of our 50 states. So please, wear your “I ❤ TN” shirt with pride, since Tennessee is a wonderful state and in my personal top 10. Unlike many northeasterns who live in the greatest city in the world, I don’t view the South and Midwest as flyovers and would eventually like to settle down around there. I know this enlightenment must surprise you, but don’t feel bad. I wouldn’t expect less out of someone who’s native land has Saint David as its patron saint.

    As for the smell from Princeton to NY…well you got me there. I’m from Eastern NJ, so don’t blame it on me.

    3) Fun is fun, but you crossed a line when you speculated about Matt’s presumed penis size (that was hurtful and accurate) and my awesome Pumas.

    And for your information, they have nothing to do with “space.” They are simply shoes to wear when you are a robot that was charged with the task of eliminating six or more robot masters and their creator, Dr. Wiley, in the year 200X.


    4) Blephartis? Please, make up a better disease next time. Why didn’t you just say “Goofballs” or “Eyes Hurt Disorder.” Almost as silly as Hog Dong Orton’s “IED.”

    Expect to hear from Interpol about your forgery. Also, a suit in regards to defamation of character and libel will be on your “flat’s” door by Monday. Everything you right is a lie.

    Except for the Matt penis thing. That was spot on.


    • Adam, what are you talking about? No forgery going on here. It looks like your signature because it IS your signature. Let me say how amazing it is that you and Matt have such similar signatures. You must be really close friends. Same handwriting and everything.

      It’s kind of nice to hear from someone who lives in Manhattan but who also acknowledges that there is a world beyond its confines. But then you went and ruined it by dissing my Patron Saint. Whatsupwitdat? I mean, I’m not religious or anything, but still, that’s low. And I was gonna tell you about the amazing time I had in New Jersey a few years ago in a pretty town 30 minutes from the Pennsylvania border, but now I’m just sulking.

      I wasn’t actually commenting on Matt’s penis size when I said everything in Texas is smaller than expected, but hey, if that’s information you want to share with the internet world, I ain’t gonna stop ya. As for the shoes… next time I’m a playing at being a robot, I’ll remember to put on my Pumas. Sorry for the confusion. If I were a video game dweeb I would have known the difference. Alas……

      Blepharitis is real and it blights me. Just for your information, the treatment involves baby shampoo and eye drops. Speaking of speculation over supposed illnesses, check out these fools. Makes me laugh every time……


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