Survivor Series Predictions: The Results Show!

So, that was the first in what will hopefully be a regular series of PPV predictions for the site, and I know you’re all incredibly excited to see how we got on… OK, “incredibly excited” might be a slight overstatement, but “generally disinterested” does very little for our self esteem.

The actual PPV was a mixed affair; a couple of very enjoyable matches, a nice surprise return and a bunch of relatively lacklustre matches made us glad that we didn’t stay up until 4am in the Bunker to watch live.

You might remember that I added a disclaimer before our predictions the other day, claiming that anything done by the WWE wasn’t our fault. At the time I had in mind something along the lines of Del Rio teasing dissension within his team, not ADDING AN ENTIRELY NEW BLOODY MATCH AT THE LAST BLOODY MINUTE! As such neither us predicted the result of the Bryan/DiBiase match that opened the show, although I can assure you that we both said (out loud and everything) before the match started that Bryan would win despite DiBiase nearly killing him by deciding not to bother catching him after he dove out of the ring.

ouch...

The first match we actually predicted was one of the two that we were least interested in. Sheamus vs Morrison for no reason whatsoever as a clear message to TNA that they are not the only promotion that can stand up to bullying. John Morrison seemed to be channeling Peter Cetera’s theme to Karate Kid II:

The match itself was pretty unremarkable, other than Sheamus’ strange “pull you up over my shoulder by your ankle” move, but thanks to our genius we both managed to get the result right. However, Ray would like to point out that she predicted the results based on the order in which we listed the matches: whereas WWE inexplicably (and unfairly) decided not to use our serving suggestion. [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: What's wrong with putting the two title matches first and leaving the filler til last? Seems perfectly reasonable to me.]

Ray quite rightly pointed out that this result was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, and this was just the WWE throwing Morrison a bone. Not like a Pedigree Jumbone or anything, but apparently they’re ace (I wouldn’t know, being more of a Twiglet man myself at Xmas.) In fact, after watching this advert, The Boss Lady insists that they only threw him a bone to stop him dirtying the sheets (insert incredibly witty and urbane wordplay pertaining to The Dirt Sheet here)

Next up, the best match of the night, and the first “split decision” by us here, giving Ray the opportunity to sneak an early lead [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Like a fox!] Now, I would argue that perhaps it shouldn’t count as Ziggler blatantly held the tights of Kaval, but the “Boss” in “Boss Lady Ray” isn’t just there to look pretty. She insisted that it should count, and that “A win is a win. If the referee said he won, I got it right” which smacks of Striker’s “If the referee doesn’t see it, it’s all legal.” Seems like somebody’s been spending too much time with the Dean in the depths of the Bunker, “discussing Burt’s Bees” or whatever flimsy excuse they came up with last time. [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Hey, he's my mentor. If he asks to me meet with him in his office with the door locked and the blinds drawn, who am I to say no?]

Kaval is obviously a great wrestler, and very popular with the crowd; whereas Ziggler just keeps proving us right and justifying our love for him week after week. We could happily watch Ziggler feud with Kaval and Bryan week in, week out and we’re looking forward to seeing what happens next for him.

Next was the big Survivor Series match. Once upon a time you would have a few of these matches on the card, with cool team names like “The 4×4′s” (captained by Hacksaw Jim Duggan), “The Rude Brood” (Rick Rude), “The Vipers” (Jake Roberts) and everyone’s favourite “Clowns R’ Us” with Doink the Clown, Dink, Pink & Wink

If the coulrophobia doesn't get you, then there's bonus Jerry Lawler just in case

At this point, decorum and gentlemanly conduct would suggest I say something along the lines of “I’m not one to brag, but…” However, I really am one to brag, so I think it only right to draw your attention to the following sentence from my prediction for this match:

I’m sensing a Team Mysterio win after Del Rio walks out on his team (again!) leaving them to take the loss against Rey and Big Show

Despite what Ray might try to insist, Del Rio walked out quite early in the match and didn’t return (albeit with help from the trainers) and the two remaining members of Mysterio’s team left at the final bell?

Not only was this match quite fun, and not only did I predict the results with such frightening accuracy that one would think I had borrowed a copy of Gray’s Sports Almanac from Marty McFly, but this was another split decision, giving me the chance to claw my way back into contention. Also, given Swagger’s strange insistence on repeatedly trying to get the ankle lock in place on anyone he came within 10 feet of, we had the chance to shout at the television “Swagger, use the GUTWRENCH POWERBOMMMMMB!” Bizarrely he did immediately try for it, but it was countered and his next elimination was by getting Kofi to tap to the aforementioned ankle lock, so what the hell do we know. I just think Ray likes the sound of “GUTWRENCH POWERBOMMMMMB!” myself. [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Correct.]

Speaking of things that Boss Lady Ray likes the sound of, on to the womens’ match now the big news here obviously came after the match. Natalya won, as I believe you’ll find I predicted, only to be attacked by LayCool after the bell. But soft, what theme through yonder speakers break? It is the east, and the Phoenix is the sun. Arise fair sun, and kill the envious Laycool… OK, OK – enough bard-butchery for one post, and anyway once Ray had (very slowly) clocked whose theme it was it was drowned out by her amazing rendition of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: You left out my lying down running-man dance. That was the best part.]

Being the big Disney fan that she is, Ray obviously has confidence in the power of wishes. On Friday she typed “I just want Beth Phoenix to come back” and lo and behold there she was, looking great and back fit as ever. I was worried for a second that she might have returned early and not be well enough to wrestle, but after that GlamSlam on Layla I’m pretty confident she’s back at 100%. That was some serious height on the move…

Well, the less said about this next match the better. I’m a huge Kane fan, and Ray’s ever-increasing list of wrestler-crushes has recently added Edge; but this was dull dull dull. The finish was ridiculous as well, although I will accept that the brawl afterwards was at least slightly interesting. That’s all I have to say on the matter I’m afraid, so in the meantime

Assuming you’ve been paying attention, and actually looking at the pretty pictures rather than just reading the words (you know, like when you used to find mucky magazines in the bushes in the park) you may have noticed that we are currently at 3 points to Andrew and 2 points to Ray. Because we had both predicted Wade Barrett to win, it all came down to the Tag Team match. That’s right, the one match that neither of us actually cared about on Friday suddenly became the most important match of the night. Never mind the culmination of a months old feud, the fight for the most prestigious title in the WWE and the possible end of the biggest wrestler of the last decade’s career; we were now wanting Santino & Kozlov to close the show solely for the purposes of narrative tension.

Again, the WWE refused to listen to our suggestions for the running order of the card and stupidly persisted to believe that people would rather see Cena and Orton in the main event than Kozlov and Slater. Surprisingly, the match was pretty good, Santino in particular impressing us here in the bunker. Ray even went as far as to state that it was Santino’s best match in ages, and the sequences between him and Gabriel were really fun. Also, Kozlov headbutting Gabriel out of the air was impressive; although thinking of it maybe it was Gabriel that actually made the match enjoyable?

Main event time; and blah blah Cena’s career and blah blah Barrett’s title shot and blah blah WWE Championship… the whole thing seemed kind of pointless after we drew even after the tag match. Barrett losing was a shame, but as it led to Miz cashing in and winning on Monday I suppose we can live with it. As usual, the two main title matches were the least memorable of the show, and as usual Orton was just a bit boring really. It’s amazing how far he’s dropped in our estimation here at Wrestlegasm, but I suppose that’s what happens when you get to the top of the heap. The punk rock ethos of loving the underdogs before everyone else does strikes again

So there you have it. Rather satisfyingly we ended up both scoring three points and are now eligible to challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas… sorry, got distracted thinking of CHIKARA. As promised though, I said I’d mention the best predictions left in the comments, and I’m not one to go back on my word (unless it’s promising to finish the Top Ten Women Wrestlers post)

First up was Adam, who didn’t do very well at all really. Jenna on the other hand, despite reminding me of that god-awful Run DMC/Jason Nevins song everytime I read her comment, managed to score two points by correctly predicting that Natalya and Morrison would get wins. Roler42 unfortunately only got the tag team result correct, but he gets a bonus credit for predicting Miz would cash in, despite getting it a day wrong. As for Dann, Dann the Booker Mann; he managed to equal our score of three, correctly predicted Natalya, Nexus and Team Mysterio winning.

So well done Dann, you win a quick plug for www.evewrestling.com – the place to visit for all your European Female Wrestling needs, DVDs available in limited amounts with FREE POSTAGE while stocks last! [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Did I sanction this free advertising? I don't remember it coming up at the Saturday staff meeting. Oh go on then...]

survivor series 2010: the predictions

 

 

In a bold and visionary move (and not in any way just vaguely plagiarised from Razor over at Kick-Out) we have decided to start posting our predictions before each PPV. This way you can all see just how incredibly perceptive and intelligent we are when it comes to blindly guessing the results of a pre-scripted event. Of course, chances are we’ll both do really badly and you’ll lose all the respect (hah!) and credibility (hah again!) that we have built up over the last year and a bit.

Anyway, this is a pretty simple post. We’ll waffle on a bit about each match and then make a prediction at the end. Hopefully some of you will be interested enough to leave your predictions in the comments section – we’d love to know how the Wrestlegasm readers think some of the matches will go.

DISCLAIMER: Neither of us have watched Raw in its entirety for a few weeks now, and we are writing this before Smackdown has aired. So if anything really obvious happens on SD that would affect our predictions then, to paraphrase the much missed Snitsky, “it wasn’t our fault”.

No of course we don't. You were just a cheap throwaway joke. Sorry

OK, on with the predictions, starting with…

Andrew: As you may be aware (especially if you read this last week) I don’t watch Raw, so I’m not 100% sure how accurate any of my predictions for their matches will be. Having said that, this Nexus/Cena storyline has been going on long enough that even I have a rough idea what’s going on. I would be surprised if Barrett doesn’t win on Sunday, giving Cena chance to escape Nexus and start on the road to beating Barrett for the title further down the road. Whether Cena will help Barrett to win or not, I’m not sure. But I can definitely see our favourite Preston wrestler looking incredibly smug on Raw with the belt draped over his shoulder.
WINNER: WADE BARRETT

Ray: Picture the scene. Wade Barrett sits alone in a dark, empty room. The shadows from his broken nose switch from one side to another as a solitary light bulb hangs perilously above his head. He wrings his hands together as he tells you you’re too simple to understand the might of the Nexus. Well not me, Wade. I am not too simple to understand that you wouldn’t be the only person in the promo video if they weren’t going to make a star of you at Survivor Series. Also, I feel somewhat obliged to tip Wade. Anything else would feel like going to an international sporting event and singing the other team’s national anthem. Predict from the heart!
WINNER: WADE BARRETT

Andrew: I’ve a feeling this one will also be a title change, with Edge getting the win, the belt and his awesome God-pyro back. I’m expecting some kind of Undertaker/Paul Bearer/Urn-related shenanigans to be involved, with the “Ultimate Opportunist” taking advantage for a cheap win.
WINNER: EDGE

Ray: Let’s face it, Kane was only ever made champion to facilitate the whole ‘who beat my brother into a coma?’ thing. And then the ‘let’s bring Paul Bearer back for old time’s sake’ thing. Followed swiftly by the ‘let’s bury the Undertaker alive in a grave made of polystyrene and resin’ thing. It was never about Kane being a fabulous champion. Time to lay this story to rest (sorry) and move on.
WINNER: EDGE

Andrew: Much as we both love Alberto Del Rio here in The Bunker, I’m sensing a Team Mysterio win after Del Rio walks out on his team (again!) leaving them to take the loss against Rey and Big Show. Plus Mysterio’s name is (kind of) mentioned in the title of our favourite Simpsons episode, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
WINNER: TEAM MYSTERIO

Ray: I feel I may regret this one. Andrew makes a good point. But I’m under the Del Rio spell. Despite logic, every time those trumpets pipe up and he blasts the horn of his Rolls with all the arrogance of aristocracy, I’m won over. I’m even convinced he may be angling for an invite to Will and Kate’s marital toff-fest next year.
WINNER: TEAM DEL RIO

Andrew: While I find it very hard to get excited (or even interested) in this match, I’m going to predict some kind of mass Nexus interference leading to a DQ victory for Santino & Kozlov. Barrett, Slater & Gabriel celebrating on Monday’s Raw with all three belts seems like too good an image to ignore – even if they will then be attacked and chased off by Cena…
WINNER: KOZLOV & SANTINO

Ray: Easily the least interesting match of the night. It seems fitting that if I have Barrett winning, I should make it a clean sweep for the boys in black and yellow. I think Sheamus will interfere somehow, leading me nicely to my prediction for the final match in the list (Sheamus/Morrison). Cor, it’s like it’s all been worked out in advance or something.
WINNER: NEXUS

Andrew: First prediction is that this should be match of the night. Kaval is obviously a great wrestler, and Ziggler has repaid the affection that Ray and myself have paid him by having consistently enjoyable matches including his recent run against Daniel Bryan. Having said that, I’m picking Kaval for this one. Ray mentioned that she always makes her predictions from her heart, and I would love for Kaval to start a title unification feud against Bryan
WINNER: KAVAL

Ray: There I was saying that I always make my predictions from the heart and here I am doing the opposite. Much as I would love to see Kaval win, I’m not sure they’re quite ready to give him that push or move Ziggler in another direction. I think there might be a bit of juice left in that love triangle nonsense yet. But psssst! Kaval! If you prove me wrong, I’ll secretly be quite pleased.
WINNER: ZIGGLER

Andrew: Going from the heart is trickier in this one as we’re both fans of LayCool and Natalya. Having said that, Layla is a surprisingly good wrestler when she’s given chance, and I’d be happy for LayCool to split up now (especially if McCool having to skip the recent European tour to look after her husband are true and she needs take more time off.) I’m hoping for Natalya to win this one, then feud with Layla for a while until Beth Phoenix comes back. Then I can sit and mark out as Natalya and Beth feud for the title… well, a man can dream can’t he?
WINNER: NATALYA

Ray: I just want Beth Phoenix to come back. OK, I don’t just want that, but it’s started to feel like everything in the Smackdown women’s division is waiting with bated breath for the Glamazon to storm in and take everyone out. I do think it might soon be time for Layla and Michelle to part ways, but not before Ms. Phoenix comes back to buddy-up with Natalya. Then again, maybe that will happen at Survivor Series. Queen of wishful thinking.
WINNER: LAYCOOL

Andrew: Yeah, I’ve no idea what this is all about. Hang on a sec, I’ll just check wwe.com… What? They’re fighting over Santino! Why are they… but… Santino has Kozlov on his team! Why would he need John Morrison? Meh…
WINNER: MORRISON

Ray: Sheamus is just hanging around waiting for Triple H to come back and take his revenge for ousting him all those months ago. John Morrison is just, well, hanging around. So why not let them have a little match over a pretend Italian man to keep themselves amused while waiting for something better to come along. A bit like the way firefighters play poker in between fires.
WINNER: MORRISON

Right, that’s what we think. What about you lot? We like to think that Wrestlegasm reader’s are smarter (and smarter) than the normal wrestling fan, so if you get a couple of minutes feel free to let us know your predictions in the comments below and we’ll mention the closest results on the blog.


survivor series: you blow it, i’ll catch it

I’ve been putting this recap off this week. Nothing to do with the show. It was actually a fabulous Pay Per View. One of the better ones this year. But with all that cross brand action I was finding it difficult to decide how to go about it. I had planned on doing a podcast but my technology has failed and, quite frankly, I need to get this one done asap.

The show kicked off with a midcarders’ match in the first of three traditional Survivor Series elimination matches. Team Miz consisted of Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre and of course Captain Miz. First of all, what are all these rumours about Dolph Ziggler being up for the shop? If Dolph gets released and is wished well with his future endeavours, it’ll be a tragedy. I mentioned during Cool Britannia Week that Dolph was the stand-out worker of the Smackdown House Show in the ‘Diff. If he’s not pleasing creative it’s because they’re not using him properly. I digress.  Team Miz were up against Team Morrison, obviously captained by John Morrison and accompanied by Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay and Evan Bourne *sigh*.  Every time you mention Evan Bourne from now on I expect you to sigh afterwards, just like when Homer Simpson fell in love with Arthur Fortune. Arrrrthur Fortuuune ohhhhhhh!

An excellent match to get things started, tempered by that old rivalry between Miz and Morrison. This match was all about saying “This is the future of the company, get used to it.” Oh and also about letting us see exactly what all those white boys would really look like without their gravy spray. I’m pretty sure Ayrshire is as cold and sunless as Dublin, which goes to show just how thick Drew McIntyre’s fake tan is. I’ve always thought fake tan makes your skin smell like stale digestive biscuits, so if you’ve ever wondered what the middle of a wrestling ring smells like, now you know.

I can smell it from here. Biscuit and a cuppa anyone?

Things weren’t looking too promising for John Morrison when he found himself alone and faced with Sheamus, McIntyre and The Miz. It would have taken some Super-John-Cena magic for him to pull that win off. He didn’t. Sheamus pinned him and sealed the deal for the bad guys.

It took days for Sheamus to wash the orange imprint of Morrison's abs off his back.

From there we went backstage where the next collection of faces were psyching themselves up. Kofi’s team of Christian, MVP, Mark Henry and R-Truth were noting that one of them appeared different to the rest. Christian was feeling a little insecure, but as R-Truth so eloquently expressed…..

Then Christian did some very dubious rapping about being the only non-black bloke in the group. Stick to the day-job, darl. We’ll come back to that crew later.

Next we had the battle of former family – Batista vs Rey Mysterio. With all that intense emotion it should have been epic. Even my dad, who tries really hard not to like wrestling, has felt the need to let me know how convincing Dave’s heel turn has been recently. Seems he’s been paying more attention than he’d care to admit! Anyway, it should have been great, but meh! It was kind of obvious that SS would not bring the story to a conclusion and so it didn’t really have anywhere to go. Of course Dave walked away victorious. They’ll be milking this one to the death. It almost looked as if Mr. B was ready to make friends when he sat down for a chin-wag.

See? They're friends really.

But it turned out he just wanted to lure Rey into a false sense of security before walloping him with the chair he’d just been sitting on. Nice guy.

We needed to go back to the locker room, where Team Kofi’s opponents, Team Randy Orton, were preparing. Now that’s a team I’d like to go to a country retreat to do team-building exercises with. Raft building and mountain climbing etc. Bagsy I spot  Randy while he climbs the plastic wall. And you’re not mistaken, that is my compatriot William Regal with his Survivor Series t-shirt tucked into his trunks.

It's the seaside town they forgot to shut down for a reason.

It seems some team-building exercises could have helped this lot out. There was more tension between them than between Randy’s trunks and his package! But Randy reminded them all, particularly Punk, that they had to work as a collective. Did they manage it? Let’s see…….

But before we reached that point it was a spectacular match.  This was, after all, laced with main eventers and it lived up to the hype. CM Punk was particularly angry about R-Truth’s entrance, having to be held back by the referee. I don’t blame him. It’s pretty dire. I love people who aren’t afraid to show their passion for music.

Just repeat after me, babe.... even through the darkest days, this fire burns, always, this fire burns, aaaaaalwaysssssss! ....... Soothing!

As I say, the whole thing was rather wonderful but the big story was the arrival of Kofi Kingston as a main event superstar. A journey complete. Admittedly, I was cheering for Punk and Randy to join forces and take Kofi out, but the energetic former Jamaican deserved this transcendence to wrestling greatness. (Worship me, Striker!) Of course, my favourite moment of the match was when Punk decided to blow me a kiss before he brought Kofi down with a thump. Yes. I did reach my hand into the air, catch the kiss and spread it across my lips. What of it?

Kiss after kiss after kiss. It's like magic!

Jericho vs Big Show vs Undertaker for the Heavyweight title was a little slow getting going, although Chris Jericho telling one of the crowd who damned him to Toronto that he was an idiot for not knowing that the Jericho(Irvine) brood hail from Winnipeg was a stroke of pure genius. If this moment did anything, it made me hanker for the old Chris Jericho. Y2J. Jericho’s return to the top this year has been due to this socially superior character he’s been playing, but anyone following his Twitter knows that comedic Chris is still alive. I’d LOVE to see Y2J come back and have a feud with Punk. L.O.V.E! Imagine this but with Randy replaced with CM.

Once all those aching muscles warmed up it was a great match. Taker retained the title (as expected but not hoped) and JeriShow remained intact.  It appeared that Big Show had the upper hand, pulling his straps down and reaching for Taker’s neck for a chokeslam. But it was not to be. I think had he not taken those few extra seconds to get more naked, he might have pulled it off. Show’s pasty flesh spurred the Undertaker on to move quickly and remove the offending form. Show tapped out after getting wrapped up in Hell’s Gate.

Pure mathematics.

Right, now the Divas match. The day before Survivor Series I posted a rather impassioned  (if slightly too long and serious) rant about the WWE’s women’s division. You’ll be pleased to know I won’t be doing that again for some time. I’m all lady-ranted out! The match itself, while shorter than the other elimination matches, was pretty good. All involved worked well, even if several fell foul of Beth Phoenix’s immense power in quick succession early on.  The final three ladies in the ring, Bad Gal Captain McCool, Lovely Lady Captain Mickie James and her bestest pal Melina, were all pretty fabulous, pulling out some great work.  Melina pinned Ms. McCool to win the match and I cheered my biggest cheer of the night for Team Mickie James.

YEEEEEEEAAAH!

Alrighty, time for the final match of the night – Triple H vs Shawn Michaels vs John Cena for the WWE Championship. Had I been pushed for a prediction on this match, I would have expected Cena to retain but for some other shenanigans to do down with DX.  I was kind or right, but was surprised at how quickly that played itself out. So was everyone else! At this point I was getting a little sleepy so I salsa danced around my living room to DX’s entrance. Sounds odd, but it totally worked. It went something like this, but way sexier and in pyjamas……..

I was awake and ready for a few minutes of pushing and shoving before things got interesting, giving me time to consume yet another mince pie before I got too excited to eat. That was not to be. Within seconds of the bell ringing Shawn Michaels kicked his leg out and delivered some bitchin’ Sweet Chin Music to Triple H’s head. It was like you could hear his jaw bone snapping.

It happened so fast the crowd hadn't even had time to react yet!

Once we’d recovered from that shock, the match got going for real and it was BRILLIANT. I know I wasn’t the only one watching in a European timezone contemplating how they were going to force themselves to sleep once this show drew to a close at 4:00am. It was that exciting, made all the more finger-tingling by the commentary team. I believe I tweeted….

Yes, there is a word missing from that tweet. It should have been 'when Striker gets excited'. My fingers are awful. Which is just one of the reasons why Matt Striker would never come near me. (Shut up, Southern.)

All three guys got their fair share of action but ultimately John Cena won, holding on to the title for another month.

New merchandise in time for Christmas, kids. Get it while it's orange!

This was the perfect time for DX to disband. This week’s Raw promised much angry banter between Hunter and Shawn. Did it happen? Don’t hold your breath. And a whole new opponent got all up in John Cena’s grill and signed a contract for a title match at the TLC PPV. It was rather surprising. I’ll go into the Survivor Series fallout in the Raw Recap over the weekend.  JEBUS! What a night!