So, that was the first in what will hopefully be a regular series of PPV predictions for the site, and I know you’re all incredibly excited to see how we got on… OK, “incredibly excited” might be a slight overstatement, but “generally disinterested” does very little for our self esteem.
The actual PPV was a mixed affair; a couple of very enjoyable matches, a nice surprise return and a bunch of relatively lacklustre matches made us glad that we didn’t stay up until 4am in the Bunker to watch live.
You might remember that I added a disclaimer before our predictions the other day, claiming that anything done by the WWE wasn’t our fault. At the time I had in mind something along the lines of Del Rio teasing dissension within his team, not ADDING AN ENTIRELY NEW BLOODY MATCH AT THE LAST BLOODY MINUTE! As such neither us predicted the result of the Bryan/DiBiase match that opened the show, although I can assure you that we both said (out loud and everything) before the match started that Bryan would win despite DiBiase nearly killing him by deciding not to bother catching him after he dove out of the ring.
The first match we actually predicted was one of the two that we were least interested in. Sheamus vs Morrison
for no reason whatsoever as a clear message to TNA that they are not the only promotion that can stand up to bullying. John Morrison seemed to be channeling Peter Cetera’s theme to Karate Kid II:
The match itself was pretty unremarkable, other than Sheamus’ strange “pull you up over my shoulder by your ankle” move, but thanks to our genius we both managed to get the result right. However, Ray would like to point out that she predicted the results based on the order in which we listed the matches: whereas WWE inexplicably (and unfairly) decided not to use our serving suggestion. [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: What's wrong with putting the two title matches first and leaving the filler til last? Seems perfectly reasonable to me.]
Ray quite rightly pointed out that this result was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, and this was just the WWE throwing Morrison a bone. Not like a Pedigree Jumbone or anything, but apparently they’re ace (I wouldn’t know, being more of a Twiglet man myself at Xmas.) In fact, after watching this advert, The Boss Lady insists that they only threw him a bone to stop him dirtying the sheets (insert incredibly witty and urbane wordplay pertaining to The Dirt Sheet here)
Next up, the best match of the night, and the first “split decision” by us here, giving Ray the opportunity to sneak an early lead [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Like a fox!] Now, I would argue that perhaps it shouldn’t count as Ziggler blatantly held the tights of Kaval, but the “Boss” in “Boss Lady Ray” isn’t just there to look pretty. She insisted that it should count, and that “A win is a win. If the referee said he won, I got it right” which smacks of Striker’s “If the referee doesn’t see it, it’s all legal.” Seems like somebody’s been spending too much time with the Dean in the depths of the Bunker, “discussing Burt’s Bees” or whatever flimsy excuse they came up with last time. [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Hey, he's my mentor. If he asks to me meet with him in his office with the door locked and the blinds drawn, who am I to say no?]
Kaval is obviously a great wrestler, and very popular with the crowd; whereas Ziggler just keeps proving us right and justifying our love for him week after week. We could happily watch Ziggler feud with Kaval and Bryan week in, week out and we’re looking forward to seeing what happens next for him.
Next was the big Survivor Series match. Once upon a time you would have a few of these matches on the card, with cool team names like “The 4×4’s” (captained by Hacksaw Jim Duggan), “The Rude Brood” (Rick Rude), “The Vipers” (Jake Roberts) and everyone’s favourite “Clowns R’ Us” with Doink the Clown, Dink, Pink & Wink
At this point, decorum and gentlemanly conduct would suggest I say something along the lines of “I’m not one to brag, but…” However, I really am one to brag, so I think it only right to draw your attention to the following sentence from my prediction for this match:
I’m sensing a Team Mysterio win after Del Rio walks out on his team (again!) leaving them to take the loss against Rey and Big Show
Despite what Ray might try to insist, Del Rio walked out quite early in the match and didn’t return (albeit with help from the trainers) and the two remaining members of Mysterio’s team left at the final bell?
Not only was this match quite fun, and not only did I predict the results with such frightening accuracy that one would think I had borrowed a copy of Gray’s Sports Almanac from Marty McFly, but this was another split decision, giving me the chance to claw my way back into contention. Also, given Swagger’s strange insistence on repeatedly trying to get the ankle lock in place on anyone he came within 10 feet of, we had the chance to shout at the television “Swagger, use the GUTWRENCH POWERBOMMMMMB!” Bizarrely he did immediately try for it, but it was countered and his next elimination was by getting Kofi to tap to the aforementioned ankle lock, so what the hell do we know. I just think Ray likes the sound of “GUTWRENCH POWERBOMMMMMB!” myself. [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Correct.]
Speaking of things that Boss Lady Ray likes the sound of, on to the womens’ match now the big news here obviously came after the match. Natalya won, as I believe you’ll find I predicted, only to be attacked by LayCool after the bell. But soft, what theme through yonder speakers break? It is the east, and the Phoenix is the sun. Arise fair sun, and kill the envious Laycool… OK, OK – enough bard-butchery for one post, and anyway once Ray had (very slowly) clocked whose theme it was it was drowned out by her amazing rendition of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: You left out my lying down running-man dance. That was the best part.]
Being the big Disney fan that she is, Ray obviously has confidence in the power of wishes. On Friday she typed “I just want Beth Phoenix to come back” and lo and behold there she was, looking great and back fit as ever. I was worried for a second that she might have returned early and not be well enough to wrestle, but after that GlamSlam on Layla I’m pretty confident she’s back at 100%. That was some serious height on the move…
Well, the less said about this next match the better. I’m a huge Kane fan, and Ray’s ever-increasing list of wrestler-crushes has recently added Edge; but this was dull dull dull. The finish was ridiculous as well, although I will accept that the brawl afterwards was at least slightly interesting. That’s all I have to say on the matter I’m afraid, so in the meantime
Assuming you’ve been paying attention, and actually looking at the pretty pictures rather than just reading the words (you know, like when you used to find mucky magazines in the bushes in the park) you may have noticed that we are currently at 3 points to Andrew and 2 points to Ray. Because we had both predicted Wade Barrett to win, it all came down to the Tag Team match. That’s right, the one match that neither of us actually cared about on Friday suddenly became the most important match of the night. Never mind the culmination of a months old feud, the fight for the most prestigious title in the WWE and the possible end of the biggest wrestler of the last decade’s career; we were now wanting Santino & Kozlov to close the show solely for the purposes of narrative tension.
Again, the WWE refused to listen to our suggestions for the running order of the card and stupidly persisted to believe that people would rather see Cena and Orton in the main event than Kozlov and Slater. Surprisingly, the match was pretty good, Santino in particular impressing us here in the bunker. Ray even went as far as to state that it was Santino’s best match in ages, and the sequences between him and Gabriel were really fun. Also, Kozlov headbutting Gabriel out of the air was impressive; although thinking of it maybe it was Gabriel that actually made the match enjoyable?
Main event time; and blah blah Cena’s career and blah blah Barrett’s title shot and blah blah WWE Championship… the whole thing seemed kind of pointless after we drew even after the tag match. Barrett losing was a shame, but as it led to Miz cashing in and winning on Monday I suppose we can live with it. As usual, the two main title matches were the least memorable of the show, and as usual Orton was just a bit boring really. It’s amazing how far he’s dropped in our estimation here at Wrestlegasm, but I suppose that’s what happens when you get to the top of the heap. The punk rock ethos of loving the underdogs before everyone else does strikes again
So there you have it. Rather satisfyingly we ended up both scoring three points and are now eligible to challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas… sorry, got distracted thinking of CHIKARA. As promised though, I said I’d mention the best predictions left in the comments, and I’m not one to go back on my word (unless it’s promising to finish the Top Ten Women Wrestlers post)
First up was Adam, who didn’t do very well at all really. Jenna on the other hand, despite reminding me of that god-awful Run DMC/Jason Nevins song everytime I read her comment, managed to score two points by correctly predicting that Natalya and Morrison would get wins. Roler42 unfortunately only got the tag team result correct, but he gets a bonus credit for predicting Miz would cash in, despite getting it a day wrong. As for Dann, Dann the Booker Mann; he managed to equal our score of three, correctly predicted Natalya, Nexus and Team Mysterio winning.
So well done Dann, you win a quick plug for www.evewrestling.com – the place to visit for all your European Female Wrestling needs, DVDs available in limited amounts with FREE POSTAGE while stocks last! [BOSS LADY RAY'S EDIT: Did I sanction this free advertising? I don't remember it coming up at the Saturday staff meeting. Oh go on then...]