matt striker: a test of manhood

According to my dashboard statistics, several people are Googling ‘Matt Striker Penis’ and ending up at this site.  SHOCKING! It’s not like I regularly make reference to the male form or anything. Whoever these people are, they’re probably quite disappointed when they get here and realise I don’t have the pictures.

msttn

But I do have one where he looks classically handsome.

So here’s the deal……  Josh  Matthews’ current ECW commentator chum took pictures of his erect manhood and sent them to his then partner via MMS. EX-partner by now.  Whoever that person is, they decided to release the pictures on the intwebz. Damn, he must have done something REALLY low-down-n-doggy to the EX in question for her to go to those lengths in revenge.  Either that or he’s the victim of this……. (click and play for the remainder of the post).

Have I seen the pictures?

Yes. Of course. Very quickly after they were released.

How did I find them?

Some gay men pointed me in their direction. The gays are on top of these things. (I does good punz).

Will I be posting them here?

Absolutely not. My blog may have more innuendo than Sex and the City, but there will be no full frontal nudity.*

Can I give you the link?

No. Do the work yourself. Either that or get yourself some gay pals.

For a while I wasn’t convinced it was him.  His face doesn’t appear in any of the most revealing pictures. But the gays pointed out that the ‘stairway to heaven’ on his belly was a match and that the ironing board in the room was the same in ALL the pictures. Trust gay men to notice an IRONING BOARD. Brilliant.

I’m not just using this as an excuse to discuss male anatomy, I actually wanted to mention the fact that WWE are said to be annoyed that, despite the fact that no punishment will be delivered, this will damage their child friendly image. What? Child friendly image? Just because you have John Cena and Lillian Garcia imploring kids not to try this nonsene (wrestling, not self-portraiture) at home, it doesn’t make you child friendly. They’ve been running those messages forever. My brother never listened. I was put in many a reckless suplex in my teenage years. Besides, it smacks of double standards when your biggest child-marketed talent, Jeff Hardy, does more dangerous shit than anyone else in the company.

Wrestling is not meant for kids. Ok, I’ll rephrase that…… wrestling is not supposed to be parent-friendly. It’s not supposed to have a  PG certificate. When I was watching the Stone Cold Steve Austin videos shown at the Wrestlemania Hall of Fame I thought “Bloody hell, wrestling was so much angrier and feistier back then. It’s not badass any more.” Now it’s a mish-mash of over-written scripts and carefully strategised moves. It doesn’t feel the same as it used to.  I’m not saying that I want all the guys to start dropping their trousers…… ? ………… ?……… well……… NO, I’m not saying that. But a bit of extra sass would not go amiss. Go on, be a devil.  Remember when ECW was scary-exciting?  When, sometimes, you had to look away?

Reasons why Linda McMahon should have a cup of chamomile tea and chill about the whole thing:

  • Kids don’t really care about Matt Striker. He’s an announcer on ECW. If John Cena had been taking private snapshots for his very-soon-to-be wife *SOB*, THEN you’d have to take part in some awkward conversations.
  • It’s just a penis. All men have them. It’s not like he was doing something vulgar with a spiky looking  implement he bought  on an 18+ website.
  • What everyone really cares about this week is what REALLY went on with Kennedy. Come on, Linda. Spill the beans. It’s just me and you. I won’t tell anyone. HONEST!

Reasons why Matt Striker should suck up his embarrassment and fu-get-a-baat-it:

  • There’s no such thing as bad publicity. Seriously, when was the last time anyone paid any attention to the guy tucked away in a little corner of ECW? See?
  • The embarrassment and the ribbing from your colleagues will fade. Next week it will be someone else’s scandal. Nobody seems to care that this is feely available on the internet……….
kksink

Oh Kelly, too many pints of Lager-Shandy that night?

  • It’s only actually embarrassing if you fall a little short of the marker. From where I’m sitting, I doubt he’ll be single for long.

Things we can all learn from this incident:

  • We’ve all done things that make us cringe after the event, but just bear in mind….. that boyfriend/girlfriend may not be that way forever. If you screw them over and you gave them a ‘personal gift’, they have retaliation ammunition that, even if you’re only mildly famous, will spread through the internet like an bush-fire. Who wants to rock up at a job interview and have their prospective boss ask why their face seems so familiar?
  • Former Social Studies teachers are naughty. I don’t remember any funny business going on last time I was learning about the difference between the Marxist theory on Workers’ Rights and the Feminist Theory. I obviously went to a boring school.

mssodis

* The owner of this blog reserves the right to change this ruling at any time, should it be necessary for the story in question.