It’s almost Wrestemania time and as Sunday becomes Monday, we’ll all be settling down on our sofas/couches/settees/beanbags to witness this year’s ‘Big Dance’. Both Sidekick Andrew and myself have posted our respective predictions, both having taken slightly alternative routes to our predictions this year. But Wrestlemania isn’t just about wrestling matches, it’s an experience and a time to celebrate.
Andrew and myself spent last night decorating the Cardiff Wrestle Bunker with helium balloons and streamers. We’ve rigged up a smoke machine so we can recreate the Undertaker’s entrance on The Bunker’s staircase, we’ve suspended my make-up case from the ceiling to resemble the Money in the Bank briefcase and we’ve hired a ticker-tape machine to shower us in tiny pieces of paper at the end of the show. Matt Striker couldn’t be there to help with the decorations as he had to attend the Hall of Fame ceremony. But he insisted that we send MMS messages to him throughout so he could see how amazing our decorations were. He hates to be left out.
For those of us who have to watch from midnight to 4:00am, it’s a long stretch. We’re all ready to go, but if you’re still wondering how you’ll make it through to the wee hours of tomorrow morning, this guide should help:
GET SOME KIP
Even if you make if through the show without a little pre-Mania nap, you’ll suffer for the rest of the week if you don’t. Also, the clocks went forward an hour last night (in the UK) so you’re already losing an hour without doing a thing. You could try eating a big roast dinner before having a sleep. Some prefer an afternoon nap, I’ll be taking myself off to bed at around 8pm and hoping I make it back for midnight.
All Wrestlegasm-style parties need corn snacks. Favourites include Frazzles, Wotsits and ChipSticks, but this time we’ve plumped for Mega Monster Munch. You can either have the Roast Beef or the Pickled Onion flavour. The Flamin’ Hot ones just won’t do. You may also eat home-made Wrestlemania themed cupcakes for when you need a quick sugar-hit.
Four hours is a long time to stay focused, so you’ll need hydration and probably a little caffeine and sugar too. Please note, this does NOT mean alcohol. Booze might give you an initial boost of energy but it’ll send you to sleep rather swiftly. Besides, I’m on medication that means I’m not allowed to drink and Andrew is trying out his own version of the Straight Edge lifestyle, so this is an alcohol free zone. If you really want a drink you can have a straight-up Scotch or a Gin & Tonic at 3:30am. No sooner!
You should also avoid coffee. It’ll make you too jittery and keep you awake when you try sleeping at 4:00am. You may select from either tea or Dandelion and Burdock. By tea I mean hot British tea in a proper mug. None of this cold, sweet, American tea. If you’re not of this fair isle, you can replace the Dandelion and Burdock with Root Beer if you really must, but we won’t be happy about it.
You need to be comfortable, so you should be in your PJs or a nightie. But you better not just slump yourself in front of the TV in your boxers and an old t-shirt. You need to be wearing brand new pyjamas. Pay Per Views are a special occasion and Wrestlemania is the most special night in the wrestling calendar. The world is watching, so make an effort! Andrew and myself have purchased these outfits for tonight’s show:
I should point out, however, that these pictures are not an accurate depiction of ourselves. I’m way hotter than that woman and Andrew keeps the buttons on his nightshirt open so he can do his famed Zack Ryder impression.
HAVE NO SHAME
No Wrestlegasm PPV party would be complete without tacky WWE merchandise. Tonight, I will be drinking tea from my John Cena mug, D&B from my WWE cup, I’ll be resting my weary head in between John Cena and HHH on my cushion. And if I get chilly in that nautical t-shirt, I’ll wrap myself in my Batista bath towel for warmth. Andrew will be using his DX snuggie. We expect you to do the same.
Persuading friends who don’t watch wrestling to watch it with you can be difficult enough during daylight hours. During the night it’s almost impossible. So if you haven’t got one already, get yourself a Twitter account, follow fabulous wrestlers, fans and of course bloggers, and tweet your way through the show. You can follow my Twitter account at http://twitter.com/WRESTLEGASM and you can follow Andrew’s at http://twitter.com/apsouthern. We’ll be tweeting our little hearts out throughout Wrestlemania. Come and join us.
So that’s it. Simple, right? See you on the other side, kids!