10 Ways to Spice Up Your (WWE) Relationship

We can’t help but notice that some wrestling fans and bloggers (and we’re both looking in a full length mirror here) have been a little ‘meh’ about the WWE lately. It’s not that Andrew and I have stopped watching. We’re still tuning in and enjoying what we see. It’s just that we haven’t been feeling like we’ve got much to say for a while. Rather than bombard you with rubbish, we kept quiet. Also, we found ourselves analysing wrestling so much that it was sucking the life out of it. A definite shift takes place when you go from fan to critic, and sometimes you need find your inner fan again. It’s a bit like a food critic who needs to go to a greasy spoon and eat a wonderfully disgusting fried breakfast to remember why they love food.

If you consider your WWE love like a relationship, just lately it’s hit an awkward stage. You’re having enough fun that you don’t want to call it quits and run for the hills. You’re not in that ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ place, but you’re not in such a giddy state that you’re frothing at the mere anticipation of watching either. Being the amateur psychologist that I am, I’ve come up with 10 tried and tested ways to spice up your relationship with the WWE and get it back on heart-pounding track. Come on, kids. Let’s put some lead back in that pencil! Here’s what our lab experiments concluded…..

Convert Someone 

The best way to jolt your memory into remembering why you love something so much is to try and explain to someone else why you love it. Grab a friend who knows nothing about wrestling, sit them down in front of Raw, talk them through it and LOL the night away at how many times they say “Dude, you know this isn’t real, right?” and “So jorts are a thing in wrestling?” and “Jesus, Randy Orton walks SLOWLY!” You’ll soon realise you kind of like knowing as much as you do about the non-sport of wrestling. It might also help if they’re a willing test subject. If you need to secure them to a chair with some gaffer tape or pay them in cold hard cash, choose a different friend.

Don’t Be Lonely 

If nobody around you loves wrestling, it can be a lonely pastime. If there’s nobody to make even the crappiest shows more fun, it can be easy to let them slip off your Sky+ hard drive unwatched. Think of it like when you’re getting sick of pounding out the miles on a treadmill at the gym and you wonder if you’d be happier getting home an hour earlier, growing fatter by the day. A good friend to share the experience with will give even the most arduous of work-outs a purpose. So if you find yourself fast forwarding through more matches than you’re watching, watch with someone else (even if you just do it over Skype) and share the love.

Put On Rose-Tinted Glasses

You know those phases in a relationship where every tiny thing your other half does annoys you? We’ve all been there. They leave toast crumbs in butter. They walk away from you in shops and you have to spend 20 minutes looking for them before you can leave. They call you ‘sweet-cheeks’ because they know you hate it. It makes you want to just AAAAAARRRRGGGHH! If this has been going on for a long time and you can’t rise above it, it might be time to say adios. But in most cases they’re just the annoyances that come along with any relationship. So too with wrestling. Ignore the silly stuff you don’t like. There will always be things that bug you. That’s life! Stop watching expecting to be disappointed and focus on the good stuff.

If I were a sentimental and crafty sort of person, I might suggest buying a big pasta jar from IKEA, taking some pretty notelet cards and writing something you love about wrestling on each card. A memorable moment, match or promo you’re fond of, for example. I might then suggest you go to the jar of wrestling love and pull out a card to read when you’re having one of those “I hate wrestling so much” weeks. I would say that if I were a sentimental and crafty person. Which I am not. Not at all. I am lying.

Don’t Panic! 

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to make every week as exciting as this year’s Money in the Bank? It would be impossible. The reason that show was so achingly exciting was that it built-up over time. To have peaks, there must be troughs. If you can ride out the quiet times without panicking that EVERYTHING HAS TO BE EXCITING ALL THE TIME, you’re made for life. Proving my theory that there is an episode of Friends for every event in life – remember when Phoebe started dating Gary and it was all heat and passion and new love? And remember when Monica got upset that her relationship with Chandler was too comfortable and EVERYTHING HAD TO BE SEXY ALL THE TIME? That worked out well in the end, didn’t it? Chill.

Have a Duvet Day 

Gather up some of the favourite matches or shows on DVD, book the day off work, put some cosy clothes on and spend the day watching and enjoying your favourite stuff under a blanket with a cup of tea. (Beverage choice negotiable.) Try to make them recent matches. You don’t want to spend the day watching stuff from the distant past and end up repeatedly saying “This was when wrestling was actually good.” That will defeat the purpose. Also, this works even better if you can do it with other people. Oh and if you can go back to work the next day and not feel the need to tell your colleagues a lie about what you really did on your day off, you get extra points. Nobody will believe you climbed that mountain or spent the day rescuing orphaned seals anyway.

Get Out of That Rut

If watching WWE has become a mundane part of your week, switch things up a bit. If you’re watching Smackdown on Friday night when you’re completely shagged from a heavy working week, you might not be absorbing the fun; especially if you’re thinking “It’s Friday night. Why aren’t I out on the town living the life of a hedonistic playboy/girl?” Alternatively, you might be missing parts of Raw because your kids keep waking up and requesting a cuddle during crucial moments. If you’ve lost part of the story and are wondering what happened to make Dolph Ziggler punch John Laurinaitis in the chops, you’re less likely to stick with the rest of the episode.  Watch on Saturday morning when you’ve had 10 hours of sleep and a bacon breakfast, or put a lock on the kids’ bedroom door so they can’t demand you show them any affection during wrestling-times.

Lust 

Turn up at a WWE show unexpected. Lie to the security guard about being a member of staff and make your way to CM Punk’s locker room in a nonchalant manner. Offer him a full-body massage and when he agrees…..alright, that’s just me. But hey, if you need to get through the quiet times lusting after your favourite superstar/diva, that’s okay. Whatever gets you through, kiddo. They’re not prancing around oiled up and half naked for their own amusement. Quite frankly, it would be rude not make use of their inherent buffness.

See Other People

When it’s just the two of you (WWE and yourself) and you’re focused on each other to the detriment of everything else, there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go when you really want to get away during the quiet times. I know we bang on about this all the time, but when your wrestling life is filled with more than one thing, it gives WWE a bit of context. Don’t be afraid to try something new. It makes your relationship healthier and we promise we won’t call you a slut.

Turn the Internet Off

We love to think we’re free-thinking and make our own decisions on which WWE stuff we like and don’t like. Lord knows I hold the minority view on most of the company’s activities. But it’s all too easy to find yourself carried along with a mob mentality. Before you know it, you’re in a “Do I love this or hate this? What does everyone else think? I can’t make my own decisions. Tell me what to feel, Internet?” situation. Turn Twitter off and watch the shows without the irritating crackle of snarky interference in the background. We no longer watch any WWE PPVs with Twitter open. It is a joy!

And if all else fails…..

Add Muppets. They are the seasoning that makes everything a little bit tastier.