smackdown(lite): fluffychops rides again

February 7, 2010 at 7:03 pm | In Royal Rumble, Smackdown, WWE | 1 Comment
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After an explosive Royal Rumble, a surprisingly entertaining Raw and the official announcement on this week’s show that ECW’s days are numbered, Smackdown had a lot to live up to. Thankfully, it’s Smackdown i.e. a very safe pair of hands.

Chris Jericho was eliminated from the Royal Rumble by Edge. Jericho responded to this by dusting off his finest suit and stomping down to the ring, where he vented on the crowd in a rather angry fashion.

I think the word I'm looking for is raaaawwwrrr!

Jericho called Teddy Long out to explain why he of all people had to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match at the PPV. When he failed to respond, Jericho went looking for Teddy himself. He marched past the table of fruit and honey-nut Cheerios (so healthy), shouted in The Hart Dynasty’s frightened faces, attacked a fat man and flung the door of Teddy’s office open. But wait…….

They can’t belong to Teddy Long. Who could it be?

Edge made one of his usual intense speeches and let Jericho know that he was bringing The Cutting Edge back, so he could have a nice chat with The Undertaker. Good luck with that, Edge. Not been getting any ‘great conversationalist’ vibes from The Deadman lately. Still, you never know.

Just as on Raw, the show was crammed full of Elimination Chamber qualification matches. The first of those matches was a Triple Threat between Drew McIntyre, John Morrison and Kane. I was pretty sure this wouldn’t be won by John Morrison. Some men seem to suit a good caging, some need to let their spirit fly free. Then again, maybe I’m confusing John Morrison with Jim Morrison.

Kids love a free-spirt more than an annoying Scot and a pyromaniac.

One of the things I love about wrestling is its ability to bring people from all walks of life together. True, most ‘pure’ wrestling fans are scumbags (confirmed by eye-witness report from Raw in Nashville), but where else would you see a white, upper-middle class lady with apparent wealth bouncing along to sub-standard hip-hop music, spun out by a man who wears spray-painted graffiti jeans and electrical tape around his biceps?

Kid on the left: "PLEEEEASE don't put my mom on TV!"

R-Truth had an Elimation Chamber qualifying match against professional jobber, Mike Knox. No change of pecking order this week.

I need to take you away from Smackdown for a moment. Remember when you were a kid and your hamster died? You were so sad that you cried for a week, and to make you feel better your mum said “It’s ok, sweetheart, we’ll buy you another hamster to replace Fluffychops.” To which you responded with something along the lines of “No, Mum! I don’t want a replacement. I want Fluffychops back!” Then you got over it and realised you loved the new hamster just as much…. he was just different. You’re wondering where I’m going with this, aren’t you?  Well, for several weeks now I’ve been mourning the loss of hot-Punk (Fluffychops). People kept telling me how great New CM Punk was but I couldn’t, nay, didn’t want to see it. Then the Royal Rumble happened and the penny dropped. I still miss you, hot-Punk, but your Rumble performance was nothing short of genius and I think I love you even more deeply than I did before. The way he eliminated Zack Ryder alone makes me laugh every time I watch it. And I’ve watched it a LOT! Besides, if this storyline ends in anything less than someone shaving Punk’s hair and beard off, it’ll be a totally wasted creative opportunity. So really, I can’t lose. Thank you for your patience while I grieved. Back to Smackdown.

Over in the locker room, Punk was rallying his troops for another night of soul saving. An observation though…. Luke Gallows’ attachment to Punk has crossed the line from BFF to “I think I like you as more than a friend” and it interfere’s with now returning Punk-love. Stop it, Gallows! Get your filthy fingers outta my pie!

Animal print hipster scarf to the right clearly owned by Ziggler.

Animal print hipster scarf on the right clearly owned by Ziggler.

That’s enough of this chatter, let’s get to Punk’s EC qualifying match against Batista. Oh wait, just one more thing. Thanks to the wardrobe dept. for reading my Raw recap and dressing Serena in a more flattering dress. Although, the matching hair-clippers handbag was a bit much.

Both men were in the ring in prepapration for the match, but something wasn’t quite right. Dave didn’t seem his usual AAAARRRGH self. In fact, if he’d been any more chilled he’d have been horizontal.

Contrary to Matt Striker’s theory that Dave was trying to make Punk angry and sloppy, the match never actually happened. Dave strolled away with a big grin on his face and Punk won by default. If that’s how easy it is to beat Batista these days, I think I’ll challenge him to a match myself. Punk was delirious at making his way into the Elimination Chamber with no effort whatsoever.

After cracking on to Maria in a thinly veiled “I love your work” bit, Matt Hardy took Chris Jericho on to challenge for a spot in the Elimination Chamber. I won’t bore you with the details. Jericho’s in the Chamber.

You know that long, drawn-out Piggy James storyline which tormented me from week-to-week? It all came to an end at the Rumble. Michelle McCool ran her mouth, Layla wore the fat-suit again, Mickie James swiped the title belt in a match lasting seconds and all the face girls piled cake on top of Team Lay-Cool. Did someone say ‘anti-climax’? You’d think they would at least have ended this awful mess with an epic match after such a big build-up. Anyway, that’s all over now. Mickie’s the champ again and all is right with the world.

Mickie was just about to launch into a lecture about karma when Beth Phoenix showed up. I’ll come to Beth’s Rumble achievements in a separate post, but for now she wanted Mickie to know that she had plans to take the Women’s Title. It appeared that something was about to kick off, but Vickie Guerrero had other plans and sent Team Lay-Cool out for a tag-match.

Looks familiar.

They went on to have a pretty nifty little match. Beth had Michelle all locked up and tagged Mickie in to take over. But as Mickie went to work on McCool’s arm, Beth turned on her supposed partner and left her writhing in agony on the canvas. Oh and then she took Michelle out too, you know, just for laffs.

Michelle rolled herself over and tagged Layla in, but Mickie was waiting and managed to grab at Layla’s neck, hold her shoulders down and take the win. Beth Phoenix vs Mickie James. Finally, eh? FINALLY!

Back to the Elimination Chamber hopefuls with Rey Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler. Much as I love he of the loveliest arse to ever find itself wrapped in Baco-Foil, the idea that Ziggler would be allowed in the Chamber over Rey Mysterio is pretty unimaginable. While I’m here, a quick message to Dolph Ziggler….. please break kayfabe and be yourself on your Twitter account. It’s allowed. See Chris Jericho and Beth Phoenix’s Twitter accounts for tips on how to be awesome.

Ziggler: loses the match, loses at twitter, wins at arse.

Time for some more Edge mic-work. True, he’s had a lot of it this week. But fair play to the guy, he’s had a lot of months without an arena full of people to entertain with his Sheamus impression.  Edge was about to welcome The Deadman to the ring when Chris Jericho popped up. They shouted back and forth about who deserved more in life, then they were interupted by someone who believe himself more worthy of praise than either of them…..

Hold on a minute… this chit-chat is all well and good, but where’s the actual person who was supposed to Edge’s guest of honour?

Taker got rid of The Straight Edge Society, Edge speared Jericho out of the way and the two of them circled each other to indicate that they’re not going to fight right now, but they will some time in the future. Body language rules so hard!

andrew’s ecw(lite): what’s NXT?

February 7, 2010 at 5:15 pm | In Andrew's Posts, ECW, FCW, NXT, WWE | Leave a Comment
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Every week I sit down to write an ECW recap, and every week real life gets in the way and I let Ray down. It’s getting to the point where I am seriously considering just channelling Jeffrey Bernard and posting “Andrew Southern is unwell” each week.

Part of the issue is that as ECW is such a short show there is rarely chance for more than two or so concurrent storylines to actually get any airtime. And as this blog is never going to be a play-by-play account of the matches (despite the undoubted quality of some of the ECW wrestlers) this doesn’t leave much to write about.  However, this week on ECW something different happened that, despite not quite matching up to the hype leading to the announcement, has apparently annoyed certain members of the wrestling community beyond all reason.

For those of you who may not have seen the episode, throughout the show Vince McMahon’s address on the future of ECW was trailed between almost every match or segment, leading to an announcement that in three weeks time ECW will be off the air, to be replace by a brand new WWE show (later revealed to be titled NXT – as in Next Generation.) At the time of writing, nobody outside of the WWE actually knows what NXT will consist of. There have been rumours that it will be incorporating more Sci-Fi (or SyFy) elements – remember the ECW Yeti? Or that it be more reality TV-like, featuring audience interactivity (a bit like the failed Taboo Tuesday/Cyber Sunday PPVs.) The general consensus seems to be that NXT will feature new wrestlers, and perhaps not even have anybody on the show that is already a member of the WWE roster. What this would mean for WWE’s current developmental company FCW is unknown, but it could hopefully involve people like Bryan Danielson, Kaval (formerly Low Ki) and possibly some random Welsh bloke called Barri might get a call up to national television.

All pretty good yeah? Well, apparently not, if some are to be believed. The most outspoken complainant this week has been ex-ECW star and WWE commentator Taz(z) – who posted a blog on his Facebook account complaining that, while Vince took the time the thank the backstage staff in his address, there was no mention of Paul Heyman or the wrestlers of the “original” ECW. Taz went on to complain that Vince had made “a lot of $$$” from the letters ECW over the years, and therefore should be more respectful of the “original” ECW history and be prepared to give it a proper send off.

Bearing in mind that ECW is still on the air for the next two weeks, and we don’t have any idea what will be happening in those last shows, it does seem slightly premature of Taz to complain about the way ECW will end.  The almost cultlike way in which people talk about the “original” ECW is frustrating in many ways, not least of which being the fact that Extreme Championship Wrestling was hardly the “original” ECW, being an evolution of the older Eastern Championship Wrestling (where the initials originally came from.) Hence the mildly annoying inverted commas around the word “original” throughout this paragraph, a conceit which I shall stop now.

Taz complaining that Vince McMahon and the WWE made money from ECW also seems quite hypocritical, especially when you read a later paragraph from that blog. ‘Can some say that, “hey Taz… you sold out and left ECW to go to the WWE”…..well yes. Unfortunately, this is a business and I did what I needed to do (at the time) for my family and have ZERO regrets!’ The reason Taz needed to “sell out” was because, visionary as Paul Heyman may be, it is widely acknowledged by even his staunchest supporters that he was a terrible business man, so paying wrestlers wasn’t always top of his priorities. Taz therefore moved to the WWE, where he had a pretty successful showing as a wrestler, taking the Hardcore Title and Tag Team Titles before he moved to a commentary position (mainly due to injuries from his pre-WWE career.) While working commentary, Taz had a “shoot” blog on WWE.com, in which he said that “WWE deserves credit for what it’s done for ECW,” something which it’s apparently easy to disagree with when you now work for the competition.

ECW had it’s good elements, I wouldn’t try and deny that. But in today’s business there are only two major companies in the US, and once you move to one it seems that you can’t say anything nice about the other. The wrestlers that were actually talented and successful in ECW went on to make much more money working for the WWE, in a much safer style. Think of the biggest names in ECW; Taz, Raven, Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk, Rhino, Cactus Jack, Steve Austin, The Dudleys, Sabu, Sandman, even Joey Styles and Paul Heyman himself – they all went on to work for the WWE (and most had pretty successful runs with the company.) Other guys like Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guererro, Chris Jericho etc. all worked for a while in ECW before moving over to WCW – but there is a reason that they made that move, and as Taz said earlier “this is a business.”  Vince McMahon and the WWE gave Paul Heyman’s Extreme Championship Wrestling an amazing send-off with the original ECW: One Night Stand PPV, before creating a new brand: Vince McMahon’s Extreme Championship Wrestling. The problems arose from people assuming that the two companies would be the same, when it should have been obvious that this would never be the case.

Over the last couple of years this new ECW has proven itself to be a very successful show, especially when it comes to bringing in developmental wrestlers via the New Superstar Initiative. Admittedly, for every Sheamus or Yoshi Tatsu we’ve had to put up with a Tyler Reks or DJ Gabriel, but ECW has given valuable TV and development time to people like CM Punk, Zack Ryder, Sheamus, Evan Bourne, William Regal, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Jack Swagger and current break-out stars Trent Baretta and Caylen Croft. In my opinion this shows the true succession of the old ECW brand – bringing new wrestlers to the attention of fans bored with the domination of the top stars like Triple H and John Cena. And for that I will always be happy to watch ECW, regardless of what it is called; and it’s why I’m really excited for NXT (even if it is a stupid name.)

I’ll leave you with a quote from my favourite new twitter account (@THETOMMYDREAMER) from last Tuesday: “Many people have asked me why I left WWE. If you watched ECW tonight, a piece of the puzzle was revealed for my actions. Stay tuned.”

GUEST POST: tna in the uk

February 4, 2010 at 11:14 pm | In Britain, Guest Posts, TNA, Tour | 2 Comments
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[A couple of weeks ago, TNA landed on British shores. They popped out a few matches in local arenas, did the odd meet & greet and proved that Vince McMahon isn't the only boss who can  assemble a touring cast of wrestlers and send them on a Transtlantic jaunt. They did a show in Cardiff. I didn't go. Although, probably not for the reasons you're imagining. True, I've ripped TNA apart on several occasions. But that's only because I care. Call it tough love. I didn't want to go to a TNA show by myself, so I skipped it. And yes, I regret that decision now. Thankfully, wrestling fan and all-round lovely lady Toni went to one of the tour shows and has written a little report on the whole TNA experience. She actually likes TNA, so I'm sure she's been much kinder than I would have been anyway. Then again, maybe I would have been converted. We'll never know now, will we? Over to Toni. Enjoy!]

Being a TNA fan isn’t always easy. Sometimes it can be hard to fight through the bad to find the things you love about it, but still we persevere. That is how I came to find myself standing in a queue in the freezing cold in Coventry (which has surely got to be worse than waiting in the freezing cold anywhere else) waiting to be let in to what TNA call ‘Fan Interaction’. Basically, it’s a meet and greet with a handful of the wrestlers that you will be watching later that night. On the whole there is not an awful lot of interacting taking place, as the whole thing is quite rushed. The term ‘greet’ could also be used quite loosely in relation to some of the talent (Taylor Wilde, I’m looking at you), to whom saying hello appears to be too much of an effort. While the idea of fan interaction on the whole is a good one, the execution of the event could have been a little better. It was held in a bar room with really poor lighting, meaning that even with a flash most of the pictures we took came out really dark, which was a little disappointing. However, where Kurt Angle was sat made him look like he had a spotlight shining directly on him, which meant he looked awesome in everyone’s photos.

In our meet and greet was Taylor Wilde and Sarita, Amazing Red,  Earl Hebner, Chris Sabin, The Pope,The British Invasion and Kurt Angle. Sabin, The British Invasion and Kurt Angle were all really friendly, posed for photos and chatted while signing your t-shirt, program or random bits of paper. I was really, really pleased that Chris was doing the signing and virtually sprinted the first half of the line (well, as fast as you can sprint when there is a very slow-moving queue directly in front of you). Then something happened that struck fear in to my heart. He spoke to me. Now, anybody that knows me can tell you that I have a serious case of ‘foot in mouth disease’. If there is ever any opportunity to say something stupid, embarrassing, inappropriate or any combination of all three, then I will take it. I did manage to somehow tell him that my feet were cold  but personally I was just pleased to have escaped the whole thing without blurting out the words ‘I love you’ the second I laid eyes on him.

By the time I got to Kurt Angle I found that I had become speechless and completely lost the ability to say anything at all. I could only smile at him innanely. He didn’t seem to be at all phased by the slightly idiotic looking woman stood before him and it passed without incident. I chalked this up as a success. Then it was time to get kicked out in the freezing cold again to join another queue. Yay!

Thankfully, this queue didn’t take anywhere near as long and we were soon in the arena, ready to find our seats. But it quickly became apparent that locating your seat owed more to the process of elimination than anything else, as the event staff knew nothing, and by nothing I mean they didn’t even know which block was which. You know, the little things. The signage was about as informative as the stewards, so if we actually ended up in the right seats was anybody’s guess.

As part of what TNA calls the ‘Platinum Experience Ticket’ which my brother generously bought me, the seat I found myself with was in the second row. I would indeed be all nice and close to the sweaty wrestlers. The joy!

With about half an hour to go until bell time, Dixie Carter was on the arena floor signing autographs and having photos taken with fans and the World Heavyweight Championship belt. She looked genuinely interested in meeting the fans and had time for everyone. I did have my photo taken with Dixie and my brother, but I have vowed that it shall never see the light of day. It is possibly the worst photo I have seen of myself. Ever.

Now for the bit we have all been waiting for…. showtime! I should point out that although I truly enjoy wrestling, I’m not one of those people who is going to remember every single move that everyone performs. Far from it. I am more of a people watcher, so if you are expecting an account of each wrestlers technical prowess I’m not the girl for you and you should stop reading now before I make you angry. That being said…

First up is Chris Sabin (be still my beating heart) Vs  Suicide.

The crowd is pretty dead for this, to be honest. The occasional chant breaks the silence but it’s pretty quiet for the majority. You get all the tricks and stunts you would expect, with Sabin backflipping across the ring and both parties taking various leaps from the ropes. After a couple of near falls each, Suicide hits the Suicide Solution and pins Sabin for the win.

Then it’s the Knockouts Tag Team match, The Beautiful People Vs. Taylor Wilde and Sarita. This match was initially billed as Awesome Kong and Hamada Vs Taylor Wilde and Sarita but Kong didn’t make the trip to the UK after her earlier ‘altercation’ with the vile and loathsome Bubba The Love Sponge. After initially being gutted that Kong wasn’t coming, I perked up a bit when I realised that The Beautiful People were coming to take her place, and subsequently became overjoyed when I realised that Lacey Von Erich wasn’t coming with them. So all in all I was looking forward to this match a huge amount.

The Beautiful People made their typical entrance to the ring; teased kiss, arse wiggling over the rope, the whole kit and caboodle. This seemed to kickstart the crowd somewhat and both teams got good reactions. Although, I do have to say to the very overweight man sat in the row ahead of me, I am fairly sure Taylor Wilde doesn’t want to marry you, no matter how many times you bellow your proposal to her across the ring.

Following the usual back and forth between both sides and lots of near falls, Madison moved to slap referee Earl Hebner, who countered by going in for the kiss. Feeling pleased with himself, he strutted distractedly around the ring allowing Velvet to spray Taylor Wilde in the face with a can of hairspray. Wilde fell to the ground clutching her face and was pinned by Madison for the three count.

This is what happens when you leave a male in charge of the camera with Knockouts in the ring.

Next we move on to The Pope D’Angelo Dinero Vs. Desmond Wolfe.

Both Pope and Wolfe received a good reception from the crowd and Wolfe got a huge cheer every time he offered his trademark two-fingered salute. The crowd seemed very into this match, with a chant for both sides running for most of the duration. The match reached its end when Wolfe went for the Tower Of London, Pope countered with his finisher (which I am not going to even pretend to know the name of) and took the victory. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of The Pope, as you might have guessed, but I was loving Desmond and on the whole I really enjoyed the match.

Now for the 8-man gauntlet match featuring The British Invasion (w/Rob Terry), Eric Young, Team 3-D and Beer Money. I spent most of this match being marginally grossed out, but the humdinger of a rash, Eric Young, was sporting to the point where I didn’t actually notice much else that was going on. It’s not very often anyone will admit to missing most of the action in a match because they were looking at Eric Young’s body, but there you have it. All of the teams were very over with the crowd, although Rob Terry was subject to a “You can’t wrestle” chant at a couple of intervals and, being the mean girl that I am, I thought this was hilarious. Team 3-D picked up the win pinning Eric Young following a 3-D.

Sometimes being so close to sweaty wrestlers can have it's downsides.

Interval time, this is where I get to sit singing along to the Metallica songs playing out over the PA. I found this a very enjoyable way to pass the time but I feel the people sat around me may be inclined to disagree.

15 minutes of interval later and we’re back. Dixie comes to the ring to thank everyone for coming out and supporting TNA. I spend most of the time she is in the ring thinking how much she reminds me of Celine Dion.

Next up we have the X Division match and it’s Amazing Red Vs Hamada. Yep, you read that right… Hamada. The misogynistic crowd spoiled this in part for me with hugely offensive comments. I should point out that I am not easily offended, but if I thought I could have gotten away with it without getting kicked out the arena, I would have kicked the imbecile sat in front of me straight in the back of the head. Instead, I just cheered at an obscene volume for Hamada. If it was 1996 then I may have even shouted ‘Girl Power!’ but I will take heed of Daisy in Spaced and realise that this is something you should never ever say. People will laugh at you and not in a good way.

That aside, I LOVED this match; red not wanting to hit a woman and Hamada wanting to be fought against in the same way he would a man. Red’s inner conflict was utterly convincing and you could virtually taste the frustration rolling off Hamada. However, it seemed like I was the only one. The crowd pretty much died during this match, after they had run out of nasty and spiteful things to say. Anyway, Amazing Red fought through his principles, gave Hamada the contest she wanted and hit a standing Shooting Star Press to claim the victory. When he helped her up from the ground, it did make let out a little ‘awww’.

Tag team match next and it’s Daniels and Rhino Vs Hernandez and Kurt Angle. Angle stood in for Matt Morgan, who didn’t make the trip as expected due to his father being taken seriously ill in the States. All turned out well, as Angle was so unbelievably over with the crowd (and Matt’s dad is doing well), I think every single chant was for him, whether he was in the ring at the time or on the apron. Moment of the match for me was Kurt laughing and waving to the crowd in response to the “Angle, give us a wave. Angle, Angle, give us a wave” chants. Low point of the match was the disturbing realisation that Rhino wrestles in something akin to a velour Juicy Couture playsuit. Just thinking about it now makes me shudder.

You don't have to take my word for it, here's a photo.

Contrary to what I may have you believe, they did do some wrestling too, with all of the men looking solid in the ring. As if there was ever any doubt of the result, Hernandez and Angle won with the Angle Slam to Daniels.

At last we come to the main event, AJ Styles Vs. Samoa Joe with both men getting a good reaction from what ended up being a fairly Pro-Joe crowd. I should explain that I have a profound weakness for Mr. Styles. I know he’s a bit of a redneck and in real life I would want to punch him repeatedly in the face. But this is not real life, this is pro wrestling, and I love him. I only have to catch a glimpse of the chest hair and I am entranced. So it is fair to say I was pulling for AJ in this match.

Here is my reasoning.

Styles set about doing everything he could to rile the crowd, swearing and cursing with a fair few “Wooooo!”s thrown in for good measure. To the boy who shouted “I love you, AJ”, I just have to say, you are one brave soldier as one of Styles’ favourite words appears to be a slur on homosexuals.

After periods of domination from both sides, Joe began mocking AJ’s new mentor, Ric Flair, which made a certain little World Heavyweight Champion quite cross. So what else to do but beat your opponent in the head with the aforementioned belt you happen to be in possesion of, hey AJ? Although, as we all know, ideas like this are always doomed to fail. There are pesky little things like rules and match officials that want to spoil your dastardly plan.

After the failed attack with the championship belt, AJ throws Joe in to the ref who is knocked down and rendered ‘unconscious’. With no one to stop him he sets about attacking Joe with the belt and knocking him to the ground. Styles proceeded to drag the still out of it Slick Johnson across the ring, revive him and pin Joe for the 1-2-3. Quite understandably, this makes Joe a little angry, so he gets on the mic and informs Styles that “This isn’t over until you’re in the ground” and chases AJ in to the back.

The lights go on and the show is over.

All images in this post are property of wrestlegasm.com and should be credited back to this site if used.

raw(lite): i think i know him

February 2, 2010 at 10:07 pm | In Raw, Royal Rumble, WWE | Leave a Comment
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Just in case you’re looking for it, I’m not doing a full Royal Rumble recap. You’ve all seen what happened by now and the whole purpose of live blogging it was to record the event as it happened. Then again, my contribution to the joint live blog with LOL, Wresslin‘ was pretty minimal, so maybe I should do a recap. All credit should go to Adam & Matt, not only for organising it but also for being clever and quick-witted throughout. In my defence, I was rather unwell with a nasty stomach bug.

It started painfully on Friday, it improved on Saturday and appeared to have disappeared altogether on Sunday morning. But come Rumble evening my body was mounting a rebellion against me and what felt like everything I’d eaten in the past month returned from whence it came. 30 minutes after the first stomach evacuation I was a little low on fuel and ceremoniously fainted in, what I’m told, was a hilarious manner. I disagree.

(Img. via luchins.com)

Following a pint of sugar-water, some gentle television and a nap, I joined the live blog, but pretty worse for wear. But hey, the boys kept you entertained, right? Oooh and if you do happen to read back through the live blog, the part where I excused myself for the Taker/Mysterio match was when I went to puke for the third time. Too much info? Yeah, I thought so. Best move on to Raw.

The winner of this year’s Royal Rumble was indeed Edge, as I and many others had predicted some weeks ago. Oh how wonderful it was to see his crazy but appealing face on TV again. Even in HD he looked healthy, so you know he’s fully recovered.  I do so love Edge’s intense, introspective monologues and he marked his return by delivering just that. I marked his return by marking out.

I think I know him.

But now that Edge has a Wrestlemania title shot in his grasp, which of the big belts does he want? His rightful place is on Smackdown, but that would require a match against the Undertaker, who just happens to be 17-0 at Mania.  Then again, he could take on the newbie who’s never appeared at WM before. 28 men and one lady wish they had that dilemma to contend with. Cue newbie.

Sheamus reminded Edge that he may be a little ring-rusty after spending six months with his foot resting on a cushion and suggested that he make his way back to Smackdown where he belongs.

Every time we get a flash of that WM26 sign hanging from the arena ceiling, a flutter of excitement curses through our bodies, right? But we’re forgetting that before we get there we’ve got the Elimination Chamber PPV to look forward to.  Personally, I’d run as fast as I could from anything involving the words ‘chamber’. These guys, however, want in; so there were a whole load of qualification matches on this week’s Raw. The first of these matches was to be John Cena vs Cody Rhodes. Even a chimp could predict the outcome of this match so I’ll just comment on the fact that Cody Rhodes wore some hideous trunks this week. Maybe he thought that because I’m killing Crotch Watch off slowly in a blogging hospice, I wouldn’t take note of his granny knickers this week.  Oh Cody. You don’ t know me at ALL.

Also, Nashville LOVES John Cena! Know why? Because John Cena is a super-friendly guy and Nashville is a super-friendly place. Once, the lady operating the security line at Nashville Airport hugged me and whispered “Don’t worry, you can come back again soon.” I was crying  because I was very sad to leave the Nash.  Oh and just in case your powers of deduction aren’t superior to that of a chimp, the match ended like this.

This episode of Raw was guest hosted by legendary nutcase, William Shatner. Boring as Star Trek is to me (sorry, nerds) I LOVE William Shatner. Vince should just let him show up and be on shows whenever he feels like it. Shatner and wrestling just go together. Why? Because they’re both totally ridiculous, but they know they’re ridiculous. William Shatner’s in on the joke and I think I’ve mentioned on several occasions that people who have the ability to laugh at themselves hold a special place in my heart.  Mr. Shatner’s first appearance of the night was a heated discussion about how Vince should be nicer to Bret Hart. Bill’s finest moment of the evening came a little later. I’ll come back to our host in a paragraph’s time.

Cute as DX is, I prefer Triple H when he’s The Game; angry, wet and a little bit scary. So as this current DX run draws to a close, my Triple H love begins to escalate. Trips was in the next Elimination Chamber qualifying match against Jack Swagger. Again, you can guess the winner, so I’ll comment on my excitement that the REAL Triple H is returning. This should cover it:

And just to confirm your suspicions………

Unless you’ve got the memory of a goldfish, you’ll remember me mentioning how great William Shatner is. This, my friends, is why……

“Musical genius” indeed, Mr. Dramatic-Voiceover-Man. My time is now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

Things are looking pretty bleak for Shawn Michaels. He eliminated Triple H from the Rumble, he was eliminated himself, he attacked the referees, refused to leave the Rumble and generally lost his marbles. He really wanted that match against Taker. Trips tried talking some sense into Shawn and attempted to prepare him for his EC qualifying match against Randy Orton, but HBK wasn’t ready to listen.

Just like all the other matches, I think you can guess who…… oh wait, this one is actually more difficult to call. Then again, if you consider Shawn’s aforementioned lack of focus and M.I.A.  zest for life, he gave Randy an easy night at work. He tried. He really did. But Randy wanted it more.

Then they played a promo video for Wrestlemania 26, which included the official theme tune. It’s a total tribute to auto-tune, but they’ll play it so much over the next couple of months I’ll end up liking it. Then I’ll hate the fact that I like it. Then I’ll watch Wrestlemania and I’ll love it regardless of how cheesy it is because it’ll remind me of how great Wrestlemania was. I’m so complex.

Moving on, Ted DiBiase had a pouting contest with Randy Orton.

Then he went to work on Mark Henry to challenge for the next spot in the Elimination Chamber.  For a while, I forgot the Rumble was over. So when Mark Henry did this……

…..I thought the match was over and I started pouting that my hopes of seeing Randy Orton vs Ted DiBiase at Wrestlemania had been dashed. Then I remembered this match was ’set for one fall’ and I went on to watch Ted book his place in the Chamber. Sorry, Justin Roberts. I wasn’t paying attention.

The Divas had a rough night of throwing cakes at the Rumble, so they were given the night off to recover.  Gail Kim and Kelly were chatting it up a storm when Maryse appeared at their side. Unusually, she was rather friendly and suggested that she and Gail make their race to the Divas title as ladylike as possible. Then she said something in French. I’ll presume it was something offensive. Don’t ask me. I did German at school.

This time of year, the brands all start mixing up; so it was only a matter of time before CM Punk and his minions made an appearance on Raw.  Punk and Gallows wanted a shot at DX’s tag titles, as did The Miz and Big Show. This had to be settled by our guest host, who set up a triple threat between all three teams for next week’s Raw. If the Straight Edge Society aren’t in possession of some waist-bling by next week, I’ll eat my waist-bling.

PS—-> Note to whoever dressed Serena this week. If you have an ample bosom, high-waisted gathered skirts can make the body look really short, eliminating the perfect hourglass shape. Either drop the skirt so it rests on the hips or switch the top so it falls beyond the waistline. Thanks.

Back in the locker-room, HHH was still trying to put a smile back on Shawn Michaels’ face. It didn’t work. Man, I wish HHH would stand at my shoulder and give me a gruff pep talk when I’m feeling blue.

Kiss him. It would totally work on me.

And I wouldn’t be so rude as to dismiss it and walk away. Just sayin’.

There was one Elimination Chamber qualifying match left and that final spot was fought over by Big Show and Kofi Kingston. Every one of this week’s matches had ended cleanly, so it was time for a bit of shenanigans. Kofi cat-scratched at Big Show’s eyes and Show threw a punch but whacked the ref in the chops by mistake. Show pleaded his innocence but Scott Armstrong was having none of it and ordered that Kofi be named the winner. Big Show cried.

Four weeks ago, Bret Hart was double-crossed once again by Vince McMahon. On this second visit, Bret wasn’t playing games. He wanted Vince’s ass down in the ring. YAH, he said ASS! So old-skool of him. Vinnie obliged and danced his way to the ring. Thank god they didn’t let Vince dress himself again this week.

Bret discussed his stroke and spoke about how difficult it was for him to find the courage to rise above his situation. Inspiring words. And, for making him feel so pathetic a month ago, Bret vowed to kick Vince’s ass right there in the ring. Vince responded by mocking The Hitman’s appearance.

Stroke damage = hilarious, right?

Following this, Vince retracted his offer to induct Stu Hart into the Hall of Fame, claiming that he didn’t deserve it. Here’s the odd thing about the Hart family. You can get up in their face and insult them all you like. But they only really come to life when you insult one of their relatives. Observe:

Vince is unusually fit and strong for a man in his 60’s and Bret Hart, as he so eloquently discussed, is a stroke survivor. So Batista felt the need to run out and save Vince from the wrath of Hart. Dave felt it appropriate to hold Bret down while Vince spat on him.

Dave!!! What are you doing?

Oh I see where this is going. Dave will represent Vince at Wrestlemania.  But who might represent Bret Hart? ….. Ummmmm……. I dunno …… any ideas, Nashville?

Oh yeah.

LOL, Wresslin’/Wrestlegasm LIVE RUMBLE BLOG – REPLAY

February 1, 2010 at 12:51 am | In Live Blog, Live Blogs, PPV, Royal Rumble, WWE | 1 Comment
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I had a technical hitch during the live blog in that I couldn’t get the software to embed. If missed it and you’d like read back through the live blog, click here. Thank you to everyone who followed along and left comments. We really appreciate you taking the time to get involved!

smackdown(lite): let’s get ready to rumble – part 2

January 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm | In Royal Rumble, Smackdown, WWE | Leave a Comment
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…..and now to Smackdown.

DX came out. Then Rey Mysterio came out to blister Shawn about his claims that he’ll be fighting Undertaker at Wrestlemania 26. There was a bunch of verbal fisticuffs:

Then the now-named ‘Straight Edge Society’ came out to put their 2-cents in. The Straight Edge Society now includes a bald girl with large bosoms. Obviously not going back to FCW after all, eh Serena? Good for you!

And because I couldn’t say it any better myself, I’m officially using the quote facility on this thing. Take it away, baby:

“You don’t drink, you don’t do drugs, you don’t smoke. Ok. Neither do I. But then again I don’t look like I’ve  been on a week-long crack binge with Amy Winehouse. I’m just sayin’, have a little pride, man! Pick yourself up. Clean yourself off. Maybe take them clippers out of the bag, shave that squirrel off you got on your chin. Hey, do yourself a favour…. grab a shower. ‘Cause I don’t know if it’s you, Lobotomy Man or Britney Spears right there but one of you’s got a bad case of swamp-butt!”

(Paul Levesque, WWE Friday Night Smackdown, 2010)

Then Teddy Long came out and made some matches, the first of which was an awesome match between CM Punk and HHH. Nobody won because the two bald kids beat up on Triple H. Shawn tried to help but Punk held a female shield in front of him and all but licked her face.

Jericho and R-Truth had the second great match of the night, won by Truth. Is this why Jericho went out and got bombed, got himself arrested and had to be bailed out by CM Punk for $120? True story. If by ‘true story’ you mean ‘unclear internet rumours’.

Dave wore his favourite boujis, nouveau riche outfit.

FOOOORE!

John Morrison said some stuff but I can’t remember it. I spent my time wondering which products he uses to make his hair look that soft and silky. You think I’m joking. I’m not.

Morrison challenged Drew McIntyre for the ICT in the third brilliant match of the night. The belt-bling did not change hands.

This this happened……

….. and I punched Matt Striker in the face for having the worst fake laugh on the planet. SHUT. UP. OR. I’LL. FIRE. YO. ASS.

Most awesomest of all the awesome matches was Rey Mysterio vs Shawn Michaels. The best bit was when it was awesome. Which was all the way through. But again, nobody won, because Batista ran in (without his golf gear), speared Michaels and spinebusted Rey.

But hark, here comes THE GAME. He exchanged punches with Dave, I marked out for HHH as he rolled Dave over the top rope and the lights went down.

But hark again,  as if by magic or something…………

Then………

Hands up if you’re ready to Rumble! (Both my hands are up.)

Just one final plug. If you’re watching the Royal Rumble live, please join me + Adam & Matt of LOL, Wresslin’ here at Wrestlegasm.com or at LOL, Wresslin’ for our live Rumble blog. Should be loads of fun!

raw(lite): let’s get ready to rumble – part 1

January 31, 2010 at 5:41 pm | In Raw, Royal Rumble, WWE | Leave a Comment
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I figure nobody would really have time to read two full recaps today, what with it being Rumble day and all. Also, having spent most of the morning drinking tea and watching tennis (which I usually don’t care for) in my PJs, I haven’t got time to write them either. Seriously, Roger Federer is a Robot-Man, yeah? He can’t possibly be human. This is what he looked like at the END of the match against Andy Murray in the raging Australian heat?

And damn him for being so gracious and charming in his speech. It made me like him. But who the hell cares about an elegant sport like tennis, right? We’ve got the seedy world of professional wrestling to discuss.

All anyone cares about is the Rumble, so I’ll just run through the Rumble-related highlights from Raw and Smackdown in express format.

  • DX had a pretty cool match against Rhodes and DiBiase, but in-fighting between both tag teams threatened to destroy them; especially DX when Michaels interrupted Trips in the middle of his pedigree. I HATE when someone interrupts me in the middle of my pedigree. Puts me right off my rhythm.

I believe he'll deliver his answer at the Rumble.

  • MVP proved that, despite hanging all that faux bling around his neck, he is actually a real athlete by putting one of those oxygen enhancing sinus strips across his nose, even when there was no match. And Miz proved that he’s a style leader by turning up in a black shirt with a white tie. Ballsy fashion statement, m’friend!

MVP also insinuated that Miz and Big Show are gay lovers. Hands up if you don’t want to watch that home video. (Both my hands are up.)

  • Legacy’s gradual fragmentation continued.

Mmmm. Smell that tension.

  • Then that guy who used to be in The West Wing and that kiddies alien show came on.

  • Then that same guy frightened Maryse with some impromptu pyro while she was speaking French. Maryse over-acted and then shouted some more in French. It was good.

She channelled that anger into demolishing Eve to secure her place in the final match of the Divas Title Tournament.

  • Vince McMahon proved he’s a pretty cool billionaire by vox-popping the real audience on why they thought he should bring Bret Hart back. Well he had to do something to cover the fact that he’d teamed black shoes, light grey trousers, charcoal shirt and tie and a dark maroony-brown jacket.

No, no, no.

Then John Cena made an epic speech where he told the boss off, implored Vince to take the moral high-ground, and made me love him that little bit more. Come on Cena-Haters, don’t pretend it wasn’t fantastic.

Seriously, how many jobs are there where you can tell your boss you're gonna punch his false teeth in?

  • Kofi Kingston tried to humble The Miz in the ring and succeeded. Then MVP came out and tried to humble Thw Miz in the fashion stakes and failed.

  • As the result of some technical mishap, Carlito was put in a match against Kelly Kelly. But you all know that men fake-fighting women is no longer permissable in the WWE, so Santino came out to take her place. Then Jack Swagger came out, hit Santino and did some push-ups next to him to show how strong he is. Kind of like this……

  • Gail Kim beat Alicia Fox to face Maryse for the Divas Title, as should rightly be. Then Alicia slapped Dulé Hill for incorrectly predicting that she’d win. He’s an actor on a show called Psych and he’s not even the psychic character. Silly girl. But then, I believe in astrology, so who am I to speak?

The show ended like this…………

smackdown(lite): d’amour, d’amour

January 29, 2010 at 9:13 pm | In Smackdown, WWE | 2 Comments
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Last week’s Smackdown was a rollercoaster. Some of it was fantastic, some of it made me want to poke my eyes out with a chopstick, and some of it left me crazy-confused. I shall do my best to cover all the bases.

As has become the norm of late, Batista was out first. But he didn’t have a sullen look on his face and mic in his hand. Ok, he did have the sullen  look on his face, but he was all ready for a match against Finlay. Yes. Finlay. Nice to see he’s returned to his natural hair colour now that, you know, Sheamus has made it less shameful to be a ginger.

It started off well but soon turned ugly when Dave took it outside the ring and got himself all DQ’d.  He then went on to use poor Finlay as a kick-bag. Messy.

Ok. Here comes the confusion part.  CM Punk. First of all, thanks to the people who messaged me all concerned-like about Punk, after last week’s Smackdown recap.  But let me just make it clear that I still like, no, LOVE CM Punk. I just don’t like the way his character has gone. And I realise that this is all being written very well, but I just don’t enjoy it. Maybe this will help:

I will admit that I was kind of tough on Punk last week. And by the time this show rolled around he seemed to have found his way to that bottle of shampoo I left in the bathroom for him. I’m tempted to say he even trimmed the beard, but I can’t be sure. While we’re on the topic of the face-mess. I would like to introduce Mr. Punk to Dominic D’Amour. He’s a Canadian hockey player who crashes into perspex for the Nottingham Panthers. This, CM PUNK, is how to do the perfect beard. Let Dominic help you groom yourself and all will be right with the world.

Also, his name means LOVE. That’s a name I’d be willing to take if we got married. And we totally should get married. ‘Cause he’s lovely and I love hockey. It’s a match made in heaven. Anyway, back to the hobo. Punk was feeling pretty proud of himself after having converted two crowd members in as many weeks to the Straight Edge lifestyle.  This time around, a lady wanted Punk’s attention and, no, if definitely wasn’t me. It appeared as though a random fan-girl from the audience had jumped the barrier in the hope of being saved. Of course, just like all those others cured of their toxic sins, she was dragged in from developmental. Serena, if that is her REAL name (actually it is) demanded that Punk save her from her life of pill-popping. He, in turn, agreed. It was very confusing to me. On the one hand, this storyline has been written rather well and watching Punk run his fingers through her hair made me feel tingly in southern places.

TOUCH. ME. TOO.

But I still miss the old CM Punk. I hope he comes back soon, groomed and sans the churchy rub.

Serena gave herself over to the Straight Edge way of life and left her beautiful hair on the canvas.

That’s the happiness of having a week away from FCW.

Moving on to some wrestling, John Morrison was to suffer the slings and arrows of a handicap match against Drew McIntyre and John Morrison. But as Teddy Long and Vickie Guerrero are embrawled in a power struggle, Teddy popped up to announce that R-Truth would be giving Morrison a helping hand. Not a bad match but the best thing about it was Matt Striker’s disgust at good guys cheating to win. Heels cheating = no problemo, faces cheating = outrage. Shutup, Matt Striker. Even late-60’s throwbacks and hip-hop rejects have to make a living.

Time for some more rollercoaster stuff. The Divas’ segment on last week’s show was both great and awful. The fact that they were given a full in-ring setup to play out over some 10 minutes or so was great. That’s what I’ve been dying for. And Layla in particular was great. If nothing else, this whole storyline has propelled her up the ladder a few steps. All five ladies involved were fantastic. Mickie’s speech was fab. I may have cheered  and punched my fist to the air while she spoke.

But just as it was coming to an end, Mickie ended up being thumped by Lay-Cool and Beth Phoenix, and was covered in party food because, you know, she’s obese and hogs all the food at parties.

I get the joke. Really. I’m not stupid. But just like I get turned off by CM Punk’s pseudo-religious bit, I get annoyed with all this ‘fat’ stuff. It’s just a personal thing. I know lots of people LOVE where CM Punk’s character has gone. I don’t. Same with this story. So, more 10 minute set-ups to progress the storylines, but less bitchy girl-crap. I thank you. PS—-> If you thought it was an inappropriate storyline at the beginning, but think it’s ok now because it’s been written dramatically…you fail.

We needed a nonsense match to give everyone time to digest the stale party food provided by Team Lay-Cool, so we had Cryme Tyme vs a new-look Charlie Haas and Mike Knox. The match was interrupted by Kane, who threw all four dudes out of the ring and set his pyro a-flamin’. Seems like a lot of effort from a guy who’s……

I would like some more matches. What can you offer me in the way of a tag match, Smackdown? Matt Hardy and the Great Khali (meh) vs The Hart Dynasty (yeh). And just when I was thinking that Matt Hardy couldn’t get any more annoying, he busted out some horrible Bollywood moves to honour his partner.

Things were looking bleak for David and Tyson, so they sent Natalya round the side of the ring to distract Khali from the match with her sensuality. Men are dumb, right? Just hold your cropped pleather jacket open and peddle your boobs til he succumbs to your feminine charms.

Unfortunately, Natalya targeted the wrong partner and the Hart kids left the ring with their heads held down in shame. Had she only flashed lecherous Matt Hardy, things might have turned out differently.

All her fault, apparently.

Having delivered a definitely-maybe-no to Shawn Michaels earlier in the week, the Undertaker was more certain about the fact that he would be defeating Rey Mysterio at the Rumble to retain his title. Taker walked away, Rey called him back and Batista jumped in to assert some physical power over Rey. Then he walked off.

raw(lite): a spanner in the works

January 24, 2010 at 10:07 pm | In Raw, Royal Rumble, WWE | Leave a Comment
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This week’s Raw was hosted by two movie stars nobody really cares about and the matches were nothing but filler while we head towards the Rumble. It was a joy.

Oh wait, you wanted more? Well…..ok then. If you insist.

Raw kicked off with Mr. McMahon on the mic, bleating about how he doesn’t regret kicking Bret Hart in the gut. He also compared Bret to chewing gum and gangrene. It was an odd little monologue, made even more peculiar by the appearance of The Undertaker.

Oooh blue lighting filters on Raw. How very progressive.

And to answer my dad’s question, Vince looks frightened because everyone’s frightened of Taker. The man can hurt people without even touching them. Anyway, it appeared that Vince hadn’t anticipated  that anyone who was actually in the arena for the infamous Montreal Screwjob would care enough to make comment. Taker proved him wrong.

HE REMEMBERED!

Mr. M. scuttled away, leaving Taker in the ring to address the thorny issue of whether he would give Shawn Michaels a Wrestlemania rematch at WM26. After making that long trek to Tennessee to delivery his decision in person, it must be a pretty huge announcement, right? Taker, will you be fighting HBK at Wrestlemania again?

Oh.

But he did offer Shawn the chance to beat him that night on Raw. Whaddaya say, HBK?

Oh.

Shawn just, couldn’t, let, it, go. So he vowed to enter the Royal Rumble, fight off 29 other men, win, then claim his shot at Taker’s title. Good luck with that.

Moving on to Raw’s regular No. 1 champ, Sheamus had a match against the loveliest jobber in the land, Evan Bourne.  Evan’s fortunes did not change this week, as this was just a vehicle to allow everyone’s favourite dickhead, Randy Orton, to prowl down the ramp and have a go at distracting the champ from his match. He did not succeed.

In response to my dad’s comment that  “Sheamus will have to get rid of his silly hairstyle when he’s the champion”, that belt means he’s already the champion. I know. Hard to believe that such a relative newcomer is top of the food chain, Dad, but it’s true.

Backstage, HHH and Shawn Michaels were about to have a heart-to-heart.  Trips had something important to tell Shawn, but they were interrupted by the arrival of Don Johnson. He’s in a new film with John Heder. It’s ok. I didn’t care either. Carlito, however, was thrilled at being given a reason to appear on TV.

Booked.

Back in the ring, Jack Swagger was giving his new outfit with silvery cut-outs an airing, which was exciting until I realised he’d made a bad fake-tan job on his back.

I’ll forgive him though. Because I liked his new outfit. And I’m in a generous mood.

After last week’s shock defeat at the hands of Santino, Swagger wanted a rematch. It’s not Raw unless Santino gets to play dress-ups, so this week he appeared in full Miami Vice garb, which you should remember if you’re a child of the 80’s. And if you were born after the 80’s? I hate you for your youth but also pity you that you missed such an awesome decade. Santino didn’t want to mess up his Crockett coiffure, so he nominated Mark Henry to take his place in the match. It lasted mere seconds and ended like this:

The Bella Twins were involved in a match against Maryse two weeks ago, so they’re now back in the comfort of their corporate escort roles. They escorted ‘ode to cosmetic surgery’ Don Johnson and ‘annoying man who made one good film’ John Heder out to the ring and left them to fend for themselves in front of the Knoxville crowd. I can sum it up in one picture:

CROWD: "BOOOOOOO!"

The Miz showed up to give Heder a hand and, strangely, I found myself warming to Don Johnson. Sorry about the facelift gag, Don Johnson. You actually look pretty good for a 60 year-old. MVP came out to give Don some support and then Big Show came out for no particular reason and beat MVP up. Then Heder told Miz and Show they’d be tagging against DX later in the show. I was so happy…

From one tag match to another, we were back to the action with John Cena and Kofi Kingston vs Rhodes and DiBiase.  And as Raw was a family affair this week, my brother brought it to my attention that Cody Rhodes probably has the worst ring entrance in the company.  Watch it the next time you see Cody Rhodes. Seven little hops backwards, a coy look to the crowd and posture so slack it would make yoga teachers everywhere weep real tears.

Was this the greatest of matches? No. But it lasted longer than 30 seconds, which made it better than anything that happened during the first hour of the show. Also, John Cena was extremely animated throughout; which made my pants equally as animated.

And just to heap on the whole ‘Death of Legacy’ bit, Ted tried to help Cody to his feet but Rhodesy gave him the “Git yo hands offa me, biatch!” look. Bye, Legacy!

There was another backstage segment with John Heder. All you need to know is that it ended up with Heder being written into the tag match with ShowMiz against DX+Hornswoggle.

Lady-time. Melina injured herself a week earlier than was convenient, so even though there’s been a Divas tournament going on every week to decide who’ll be the new champ, they’re taking a week off from important competition.  Eve & Gail Kim fought Maryse and Alicia Fox. Eve took the win for the good gals by forcing Alicia to tap out.

Back in the guest-hosts’ office, Don Johnson told Kelly Kelly a nursery rhyme….

Then Heder ran in, puffing into a paper bag. This was followed by Triple H giving his father-in-law some sound advice on Bret Hart, and that was followed by more DX  jazz.

It wasn’t enough for Sheamus to have a squash match this week. Randy Orton needed one too and his jobber of choice was Chris Masters. Admittedly, Masters put up a better fight than Evan Bourne, but he still lost. And just to make it fair, Sheamus came out to distract Randy from his match too. Actually, he went a little further and kicked Randy in the face for good measure.

Last up, we had Miz, Big Show and John Heder vs DX+Hornswoggle. Don Johnson kept a close eye on proceedings from ringside. It went like this:

I have no words.

All show Trips had been trying to give Shawn a bit of news; said news being that he had plans to win the Royal Rumble. This threw a major spanner into Shawn’s plan to get his Undertaker match and, oh my, were his feelings hurt. Then John Cena showed up to declare his intention to win the Rumble, then Big Show dragged his carcass up off the mat to proclaim that he was going to win. HHH had heard enough and disposed of all three fellas over the top rope.  Then, for the first time in what felt like years, Motörhead cried out through the PA system.

I'm ready to play The Game again.

PS—–> Don’t forget that I will be taking part in a Live Blog for the Royal Rumble. You can join the discussion, leave comments or just read along by visiting Wrestlegasm.Com or LOLWresslin.Blogspot.Com during the live broadcast.

royal rumble voicemail – LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN

January 17, 2010 at 11:36 pm | In ANNOUNCEMENTS, Audio Posts, Barri Griffiths, Crotch Watch, Live Blogs, PPV, Royal Rumble, WALES, WWE | 3 Comments
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The one where I plug my collaborative live Royal Rumble blog with LOL, Wresslin’, announce that Crotch Watch is taking a very long hiatus, mention the forthcoming one-year anniversary of Wrestlegasm and say “cool” and “ummm” way too much. Someone buy me a thesaurus for my birthday.

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