Report from the Fort: Innovation Award

Posted on January 25, 2012 by

We made a conscious decision at the end of 2010 to leave our awards until the beginning of the following year, the logic being that you never know what will happen in December that might sway your voting. It’s a choice that I’m pretty happy we stuck with, even if it does sometimes lead to a slightly awkward moment when the person you decide to give an award for innovation to is suddenly sacrificed at the altar of Cena & Kane for no reason…

Yep, this award goes to Zack Ryder for his sterling work throughout 2011. During 2010 he managed the dual distinctions of both having the second-shortest WWE Championship match in history and becoming the first NXT mentor to lose to a rookie (Percy bloody Watson of all people!) in a singles match. After that he pretty much languished on Superstars, teaming with Primo in a team memorable only for Scott Stanford’s description of them as DZP (down with Zack and Primo.) In my first ever Wrestlegasm post I bemoaned the fact that I just didn’t “get” Zack Ryder, and during 2010 he did nothing to convince me otherwise. Then, in February 2011 something amazing happened…

From nowhere, Ryder suddenly had a personality, and it was a pretty likeable one at that. As the series continued he introduced more regular guest stars, increasing the profile of Dolph Ziggler and Scott Stanford as well as introducing his father (the true star of the show) and real life friends to a huge audience. As the show started to gain popularity, Ryder began to appear on TV more and more, turning face partly in response to the “We want Ryder!” chants at Capitol Punishment and partly because… well, it just worked better that way. Before long he had been appointed as the assistant to Teddy Long, and ended the year by winning the United States title from Ziggler in December. Quite a turn around within only 12 months, and one that was primarily achieved off his own back.

While many wrestlers in his position would have sat around complaining that they’re not being used, or that “creative has nothing for me”, Ryder took social media by storm – creating his own character, forcing the WWE to take note of his almost half million followers and being the only wrestler listed as one of Sports Illustrated’s 100 most influential social media users in sports.

Oh, and on one episode he wore a Scott Stanford t-shirt that I designed as well…

Honourable Mention: goes to the Wrestling Retribution Project (formerly Wrestling Revolution) started by Jeff Katz. A former VP of Production at 20th Century Fox who became frustrated with current televised wrestling, Katz decided to start his own company. Rather than inherit a company from his father or get his father’s multi-million dollar energy business to constantly write blank cheques supporting his terrible cash-hemorrhaging promotion as a tax write-off, Katz used Kickstarter to obtain pledges from ordinary fans to start his company. After reaching his $100,000 target, Katz went on to sign the likes of Chris Hero, Luke Gallows, MVP, Kenny Omega, Chris Masters, Sami Callihan & Colt Cabana – repackaged them with new names and gimmicks and filmed the first bunch of episodes in which…

“[each season] will tell a complete set of stories, introducing characters that will evolve and grow with each passing season. Take the season long build of shows like THE WIRE or DEXTER and apply it to the basic wrestling model and you have an idea of where we’re going.

Every character has a mission, a journey and a reason for stepping into the ring. Some will rise, some will fall — and you will be there to see it all. With the benefit of a defined start and finish the viewer is guaranteed a complete wrestling storytelling experience.

Each season will culminate in our season finale or supershow, where storylines conclude and start anew, new legends will be forged and lasting memories will be made. Fresh new characters, meaningful themes and wrestling-driven storylines with a beginning, middle and end.”

It’s a show that certainly has the talent to be worth watching, and with an interesting (and, yes, innovative) concept that could help it stand out

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Report from the Fort: Best Villain

Posted on January 20, 2012 by

Our pillow fort here in the Wrestlegasm Bunker is starting to sag. If anyone’s in the area and has five spare minutes, please be a doll, come round and fluff up our pillows for us? We’ll pay you in cheese puffs. While we wait, I’ll crack on with our next award, for the people we love to hate.

There aren’t many pure villains around these days. We have plenty of bad guys and angry girls, but what we’re talking about is moustache-twiddling, Disney-esque villainy. It’s one thing to want to beat down everyone in your path to victory, damning the consequences as you go. To have a devilish plan that not only gets you to the top, but also takes you down the most dastardly route possible is quite another.

A rare breed of wretch was reborn this year in the form on John Laurinaitis. We hate him. No, I mean we really hate him. Johnny’s 2011 incarnation had all the Machiavellian qualities of Vince McMahon without any of the deranged likability. His behind-the-scenes campaign to bring Triple H down from his lofty managerial perch while playing dumb in public made me want to throw rotten vegetables at his face. It was his influence that forced our beloved Beth Phoenix to wander down that vomit inducing ‘We’re girls. We need protecting. Wah-wah-wah’ path when he ushered the roster towards a vote of no confidence in their leader.

Every time John appeared on screen, I gave out an enormous and genuine sigh that said ‘Urgh. This guy. WTF does he want this time?’ There’s also the fact that he’s allegedly an even bigger dickhead in real life, which only ramps up our loathing further. Here’s to you, John Laurinaitis. We look forward to your pending demise, beginning with CM Punk’s heart stopping character assassination at the end of this week’s Raw and the inevitable repercussions of punching Mick Foley in the kisser.

Honourable Mention: goes to Kharma. There aren’t many wrestlers who can fill not only their opponents but also the audience will palpable terror after just a second of crunching piano chords and a spine chilling cackle. Even watching her WWE debut again now I get a genuine, slightly fluttery feeling in my chest. The kind of internal tremor that reminds me why I love wrestling so much.

For purely selfish reasons, it’s a shame her plan to trim the Divas division and make it her own was so short. But we can hardly be angry with a woman for disappearing for the sake of motherhood, as debated earlier in the year. Whenever Kharma’s ready to return, we’ll be there, peeking from behind cushions, hoping she doesn’t catch our eye. EEK!

Posted in Awards, John Laurinaitis, Kharma, Rae's Posts, WWE | Leave a comment

Report from the Fort: Best Newcomer

Posted on January 18, 2012 by

As Rae mentioned in her Best Newcomer award, we’re eschewing the lure of the country show with its home-made preserves and tombola stalls. Rather, we’ve kicked off our shoes, slipped into our favourite pyjamas and took up residence in the pillow fort section of the Wrestlegasm Bunker to discuss this years winners. I’ll miss the excellent scones we got to sample last year, but crumbs and pillow forts don’t really mix anyway…

We struggled trying to find a recipient for Best Newcomer this year, and while I’m quite ashamed to say that Archibald Peck completely slipped my mind until just now, we ended up looking to FCW for our winner and the graphic’s been made up now and everything. Sorry about that Archie.

The trouble is, this year just hasn’t been one for newcomers. For all of Punk’s rhetoric about the winds of change moving through the landscape of the WWE, the “debuts” of 2011 tended to be returns such as Kevin Nash, Booker T, The Rock and HHH. Over in FCW however, along with Wrestlegasm favourite Claudio Castagnoli, the erstwhile Jon Moxley debuted as Dean Ambrose and quickly became a bit of an internet sensation after feuding with Seth “Tyler Black” Rollins, CM Punk and, most notably, William Regal.

After a debut interview in which he epitomised the word “grubby” and put a huge smile on Regal’s face, he went on to have a trilogy of matches with Seth Rollins, culminating in a great 30 minute effort showcasing two of the indie talents that have made it into developmental.

Following on from his Rollins feud, and a chance to challenge CM Punk at another FCW show, Ambrose moved onto Regal and the two of them brought the best out of each other, both in promos and in the following match in which Regal finally gets to be himself in the ring again.

In a promotion where the majority of the talent are still trying to find a personality beyond “tanned muscley bloke” Ambrose stands out as the greasy-haired kid from the dodgy estate that you always felt would get you in serious trouble one day. He’s got a great future ahead of him, and we’re very happy to present him this award – probably his first of many.

Honourable Mention: goes to Mason Ryan. Can you guess who might have decided on this one? Much like the interstellar radiation still detectable from the big bang, I’m sure that in the furthest recesses of the Bunker you can still hear the faint echoes of the immense squeal let out by Boss Lady Rae when she saw this photo on a Tuesday morning last January.

While it would be extremely generous to say that Ryan has set the WWE alight with his in ring prowess and fly-away hair, never underestimate the power of local bias. My love for Regal is no secret, and the same goes for Rae and her homeboy from the ‘Diff. As for me, I’m always happy to see more UK wrestlers getting a break in the US, and I’m still hopeful for Barri (as we in the know call him) to improve and become better in the ring as time goes by.

PS I’m well aware that, much like last year, neither of these guys are actually “newcomers” having had careers over the last few years, but for the sake of the awards, we’re taking major company debuts as counting

Posted in Andrew's Posts, Awards, Barri Griffiths, Dean Ambrose, FCW, Mason Ryan, William Regal | Leave a comment

Report from the Fort: Best Commentary

Posted on January 16, 2012 by

After a week of deliberation we have finally decided on who should win our illustrious awards covering the last 12 months. They’re based on our own opinion and on the wrestling we were able to watch during 2011. There is no science or points system. It’s just stuff we liked more than other stuff.

Last year we invited you to join us at the Best in Show Awards. It was a jolly affair taking the form of a country show; complete with baking competitions, large vegetables and home brewed beer. This year we’re just a little too weary for all that. We’re still crawling out of our December hibernation nest. So this year we’ve built a pillow fort in the Bunker and we’re not moving until we’ve handed over every award. Basically, if you won something and actually want the trophy, you’ll have to pop by and pick it up. Just make sure you take your shoes off before you enter the fort.

We’ll be releasing these posts gradually throughout January. Starting with…

If you think about it, wrestling commentary is a curious thing. Unlike sports commentators, wrestling announcers already know the outcome of the matches they illustrate with words. Done badly, it can seem as pointless as the voiceovers on Total Wipeout. But done well, commentary can be as integral to the brilliance of a match as the action in the ring.

We’re all in on the game. We all know the theatre that is professional wrestling means that everything that takes place before us has been predetermined. What we want from the announce table are words and delivery that make the story infinitely more exciting. For that reason, we can only give this award to Bryce Remsburg.

He may consider himself a referee first, but Bryce’s CHIKARA commentary is so exciting, I defy anyone not to feel completely involved in the matches he announces. He already knows how the match will play out, and yet you wouldn’t know it. What comes across more than anything is that he’s a fan loving what he’s watching. That kind of enthusiasm is infectious and we think a lot of the mainstream announcers could learn something about engaging an audience from Bryce. We bloody love you, Mr. Remsburg.

Honourable Mention: goes to Matt Striker. You might be forgiven for wondering if he’s still employed. Especially if you live in a country where WWE Superstars no longer broadcasts on television. But he’s still there, plugging away, begging to be heard, winning our hearts.

We don’t know why Matt was so swiftly relegated to the locker room. It doesn’t seem that long ago he was at the Wrestlemania announce table rocking his tux. Matt was originally sidelined to make way for Booker T’s return after last year’s Rumble. Somehow, he never made it back to a big show. We’re pulling for you in 2012, buddy.

Posted in Awards, Bryce Remsburg, Chikara, Matt Striker, Rae's Posts, WWE | 1 Comment

Hello again!

Posted on January 6, 2012 by

Hello, my darlings. Long time no see! This note is far later than I had intended. It’s also not in audio format as I had planned. You’ll just have read it in my voice and pretend. Actually, none of you can duplicate my accent properly. Just read it.

First of all, thank you to everyone who sent me such kind messages after my surgery. They really did brighten my mood. It’ll be a long while yet before I’m close to being 100% healthy, but the surgery was the first step. Also thank you to Andrew for writing such a lovely post while I was hooked up to my morphine drip and too zoned out to stop him.

We had planned on doing some PPV predictions during December, but we couldn’t manage it. Then I was going to do some old school Raw recaps or PPV recaps for general kicks and nostalgia purposes. But that didn’t happen either. So we just resigned ourselves to the fact that December would be a hibernation month.

Something like this

2011 was kind of a strange year. We took quite a few breaks. Sometimes they were self-imposed because we knew we were going to be busy or didn’t feel like we had anything to say. Other times life got busy quickly and, unfortunately, writing about wrestling is usually the first thing to drop off our radar, much as we love it. Luckily, we were persuaded to join Tumblr last year. So even when this space was a little bare, we still hung out over in The Gasm. And of course, you can always find us on Twitter, grumbling about something or other.

It feels good to be back though and, while we won’t be so silly as to make any concrete promises about post regularity that we can’t be sure we’ll keep, we’ll do our very best to be around as much as real life allows. Some of the articles we’re most proud of were written in 2011, so while we checked out more often than we would have liked, we still love what we managed to put out there.

Tomorrow we have a staff meeting to decide on who will win the much coveted Wrestlegasm Awards for 2011. This will involve lots of fizzy pop, banging our fists on the table and grimacing, but we’re hoping to drip feed the results to you throughout the rest of the month, with a spot of Rumble fever thrown in for good measure.

So thanks again for sticking with us in 2011. We made lots of new friends and had some real fun.  Hopefully we can do more of the same in 2012 and as we say round my way, blwyddyn newydd dda!

Posted in Rae's Posts, Thank You | Leave a comment

Song for Whoever: The Boss Lady Rae edition

Posted on December 2, 2011 by

Sidekick Andrew: There won’t be a “normal” Song for Whoever post this week. It’s no secret that Rae has had some health issues over the last year or so, and today she’s in hospital having an operation that should make a massive difference to her life. It’s OK though, she’s doing us all proud on the sartorial front as usual…

So this week I’d like to take the opportunity to dedicate my Song For Whoever to Rae. She won’t be happy about this, but hey… what’s she going to do about it?

When I first found the blog I instantly loved it. Rae has a way with words that I will never be able to compete with, and her articles have never failed to make me laugh or (in her more serious moments) think harder about this ridiculous sport. After the first article I read (the one with the amazing Summerslam cake, I went back and read every single post and loved them all. I might be biased due to association, but Rae genuinely did stand out to me as having a unique voice among wrestling bloggers. First by being female (rare enough in this community) and secondly by being British and using pop culture reference points that immediately resonated with me.

Since we then got in touch over twitter, and later as I was invited to recap the much missed ECW, I’ve got to know Rae pretty well. Strange as it might seem for someone I’ve never actually met (the Wrestle Bunker is, after all, a significantly sprawling spread) she quickly became someone I consider to be my best friend. Someone I can share this wonderfully embarrassing geeky obsession with. She’s constantly encouraged my writing, and even more so my graphic design work. Without her I wouldn’t have got to work with Pro Wrestling EVE, and from there I wouldn’t have had the confidence to approach any of the other promotions or wrestlers I’ve designed for. I owe her a lot, and I only hope that one day she realises just how much.

So, Boss Lady Rae, this one’s for you. Diolch yn fawr…

PS. Sori (I know you’ll hate this article, but that’s the advantage of the Boss being away)

Posted in A Song for Whoever, Andrew's Posts, Thank You | 2 Comments

A fresh start – the Survivor Series predictions post

Posted on November 20, 2011 by

Sidekick Andrew: Have I mentioned recently my massive man-crush on Ziggler? Luckily for me it appears that someone high up in the WWE has the same, slightly disturbing, feelings as me. Not only is he booked on the last two PPVs, but he’s been in two matches on each. Double the Ziggler, double the pleasure. Morrison, on the other hand, doesn’t strike me as someone who is held in great esteem by management at the moment. Since Melina’s departure he has been floundering slightly, and doesn’t actually seem like he wants to be there anymore.

yeah... that's not going to help matters John

With Ziggler wrestling twice I can see this being a really short match. Like, really short. Morrison tries for a lock up, Ziggler hits the sleeper hold and Morrison goes down – hopefully learning that you don’t piss off the boss in the meantime. Ziggler retains, Morrison is future endeavoured and the spectre of “Mr Ziggles” is banished forever.

Boss Lady Rae: Oooh. Doesn’t he get feisty when he’s talking about Ziggler?! Personally, I think Andrew’s just jealous that the object of his platonic desire retweeted me this week.

*air-punch*

After John Morrison’s interference this week, I thought he might pull off a shocker here and take the title. But that doesn’t seem too likely considering he’s been saying silly things on Twitter. I’ll say that Morrison wins, but by DQ so Andrew’s Mr. Lovely can keep his belt. Nice compromise.

Sidekick Andrew: I hate to say this, I really do, but I think Eve is going to win tonight. There’s been plenty of speculation as to whether the Divas of Doom (or whatever the hell they’re known as) will be splitting up, leading to a pretty exciting feud between the two. This match being a lumberjill match means three things:

  • 1. All the women on the roster get a PPV payday
  • 2. Jerry Lawler gets to make some very unseemly noises
  • 3. There’s a good opportunity for Natalya to “accidentally” cost Beth the match in the chaos

While my crush on Beth is almost as strong as my aforementioned crush on Ziggler (but neither can touch my crush on Ultramantis Black), I’m not opposed to her losing tonight. A Beth and Natalya feud could lead to some amazing matches, and Eve proved herself pretty capable during their match at Vengeance. All in all, I’m quite looking forward to seeing where this goes. Not a feeling I have very often with regards to the WWE Womens Division.

Boss Lady Rae: I’ll save you my boohooing over how indifferent to Beth Phoenix I’m gradually becoming. It’s disturbing me beyond belief. I think Eve will be winning this one. The Beth/Natalya alliance hasn’t quite been the revolution it could have been and I actually think they’d be better feuding against each other. A PPV match between the two could be pretty special.

I’ve always thought Eve was wildly underrated. It would be brilliant if they could give her the title again and actually let her do something with it this time.

Of course, this is a lumberjills match. I’m probably setting myself up for a fall believing it will be anything but a mess of flying Louboutins and chicken fillets. Still, a gal can hope.

Sidekick Andrew: Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of Del Rio. I think he’s a great wrestler, and an even better gimmick. The addition of Ricardo Rodriguez and his luxury car entrance are just the icing on the cake. However, it’s time for him to lose the title. It’s not his fault… the trouble is that he’s on Raw – a show where there are any number of stories going on that are given more precedence than the title itself. Between HHH, Kevin Nash, John Laurinaitis, The Rock and John Cena, the title picture is seemingly an afterthought. If any one can give the belt some relevance again it’s Punk, so my money is on him to win tonight.

Lest we forget, he even made Matt Hardy look interesting

Boss Lady Rae: When we discussed these predictions yesterday, I didn’t think I even needed to make a prediction. It fills me with joy that it still only takes one short guitar riff to make my tummy flip over when Punk appears at the top of the ramp. I am hardly impartial when it comes to Chicago’s finest. Look at our predictions graphic. Even my illustrated self is now wearing a CM Punk shirt. But I genuinely think it’s time for Del Rio to pass the title on. 

Andrew is unfortunately right. Raw has always been the home of big personalities and Del Rio has a lot to compete with, especially now the brands are mixing more regularly. Titles don’t have to be the centre of every story. On the contrary, some of the best runs have had no belts attached to them. But it seems a waste to keep the WWE Championship with Alberto Del Rio if they’re not going to make the most of it. Punk now needs something to do leading up Wrestlemania. I’m sure it will be a perfectly amicable exchange of property. (HAH!)

Sidekick Andrew: Probably the match I have the least amount of interest in, and therefore the match I will use the least amount of words to talk about. I think Big Show will take the title but quote frankly I’m not that bothered either way. Sorry about that, but in recompense here’s a picture of a goat in a suit…

Boss Lady Rae: I’m sure people will hate me for this, but I am so terribly bored of Mark Henry. And if this laziest of lazy t-shirt is anything to go by, so are them on high….

To create some interest here I think Big Show has to win. As recompense for my Henry related malaise, here’s me happy to be with a goat:

Sidekick Andrew: Nice of the WWE to remember the whole gimmick behind Survivor Series is these 5 on 5 man elimination tag matches. And it’s always good to see Barrett get a push of some sort. So with Barrett having Ziggler (swoon) on his team against Randy bloody Orton and his worthless team of worthless wrestlers you’d think this would be an easy choice. But, the masochist in me is expecting a face win in this match for some reason. Orton still seems to be on a roll, and Kingston needs something to do while Evan Bourne is otherwise engaged (sitting on his couch scoffing Monster Munch and watching Loose Women or something).

Boss Lady Rae: Tricky. One the one hand, I feel pangs of intense guilt and betrayal not shaking my pom-poms for any team involving Mason Ryan. On the other, Barrett and Ziggler on the same team is so much more interesting, and I’m generally more of a ‘nice guys finish first’ lady. Can’t I have Sheamus, Mason, Kofi, Wade and Dolph on one team? Actually, I’m not sure my heart could cope with all that bromancing. It’s more interesting if the bad guys win this one, so that’s who I’ll predict. I just hope my Celtic compatriots will forgive me.

Sidekick Andrew: Am I the only person who couldn’t really give a toss about The Rock? There’s no denying the guy can cut a good promo, but he’s never done anything for me as a wrestler… and still doesn’t I’m afraid.

I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is. That doesn’t mean I think “Awesome Truth” are going to win of course. I do think it would be pretty amazing to end the show with Miz and R-Truth (R-Truth!) victorious over two of the biggest WWE stars ever, but I still think Cena and Rock are going to win. Obviously they’ll fall out after the match, probably with the Rock taking out Cena with a Rock Bottom.

Boss Lady Rae: Unlikely as it seems, I think Survivor Series is going to hold a surprise and I think it’s that Miz and R-Truth are going to beat John Cena and The Rock. What would be the point of them having Rock and Cena winning and being pals if the whole reason the Rock’s there is to plug their Wrestlemania rivalry? Eh? EH? I’ve got this one in the bag.

Posted in Andrew's Posts, PPV, Predictions, Rae's Posts, WWE | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

A Song for Whoever: CHIKARA High Noon Special Edition

Posted on November 18, 2011 by

Boss Lady Rae: CHIKARA fans generally fall into two camps – those who can go to the shows, and those who clamour for DVDs the second they’re released. We all love each other dearly, but the envy generated by the DVD dwellers gives off enough heat to melt an ice rink. Trust me. I’m one of them. My King of Trios envy might just be what’s responsible for the whole polar ice cap situation. When Andrew gave me a sampler DVD a couple of years ago and suggested I watch it, I never thought I would love it like I do. Actually, what he really said was “No pressure, but if you don’t like this I may sob like a baby!” I didn’t make him cry.

On Sunday night, something shifted. CHIKARA’s first live iPPV, High Noon, brought us all together. I don’t know how it felt at the venue, but it felt pretty special to those of us watching online. Everyone in the arena in Philadelphia watched the same show at the same time as fans around the world. It made a difference I wasn’t expecting. I was definitely excited at the prospect of watching CHIKARA live, but what I hadn’t anticipated was the sense of community that permeated my laptop screen. If being a wrestling fan means being part of one big dysfunctional family, being a CHIKARA fan is like joining a special sub-division of cousins with a secret key to the entrance. Except, all you need to do to get a copy of that key is ask someone for it. They’ll share it with you and welcome you into the fold.

On top of the fact that High Noon made me ultimate totes emosh (I’ve been dying to type that somewhere), how wonderful it was to be able to watch a pay-per-view live and at a sensible time of the day. North Americans won’t understand why this is so important at all, but High Noon started at 9pm (UK time) and I was in bed before midnight. Admittedly, I spent an hour staring at the ceiling trying to absorb the main event and wondering how long my hair would have to grow before I could execute Jacob Hammermeier’s bitchin’ side-pony. But I was asleep before the time I’m usually getting up from a pre-show nap for a WWE PPV and I didn’t have to book a day off work to recover from the up-all-night hangover. Everyone’s a winner! Well, apart from Australians, who had to get up a few hours earlier. They’ll manage.

In honour of this lovely group people I’m proud to be associated with, here’s my carefully selected tune. (I’m definitely going soft in my old age!)

Sidekick Andrew: Last Sunday marked the 6 year anniversary of the death of Eddie Guerrero. Rather fittingly, it was also the date that Eddie Kingston became the first CHIKARA grand champion. Rae has already written how great an experience it was for us in the UK to be able to join in and watch live, and I echo her sentiments exactly. Hell, Rae will tell you I’m a flint-hearted northerner who doesn’t do emotion, but even I had something in my throat during the main event. I don’t think I’ve seen a more emotional title match aftermath since Wrestlemania XX. OK, it might be soured slightly by the Benoit connection in retrospect, but seeing two friends that happy in the ring showing true emotion is pretty rare in wrestling

Or at least it is unless you watch Eddie Kingston’s work. Like Guerrero, Kingston has fought through personal demons throughout his life. Like Guerrero, Kingston has never hidden his faults and flaws. Most importantly, like Guerrero, Kingston has never lost his love and passion for wrestling. I’ve spoken before of how much I love Kingston’s promos. The way he can make you believe every word he says. The way he can mix real life and the “fake” world of wrestling with such skill and passion. Every single time… I know for a fact that this promo in particular sold a number of High Noon purchases…

Now I am admittedly biased as Eddie Kingston is one of my favourite wrestlers. Yes I love his promos, but I also love his brawling wrestling style and the way he sells moves like they actually hurt rather than “wrestling hurt”. Kingston has been a mainstay of CHIKARA (which just happens to be my favourite promotion) and was part of one of my favourite matches ever. All in all, I’m pretty much an unabashed Eddie Kingston fan and as such I love the fact that he was the winner in the biggest match in CHIKARA history, and the fact that I got to see it live means a lot to me. Thank you CHIKARA, and thank you Eddie. This one’s for you…

Posted in A Song for Whoever, Andrew's Posts, Chikara, Eddie Guerrero, Eddie Kingston, Indies, Rae's Posts

10 Ways to Spice Up Your (WWE) Relationship

Posted on November 13, 2011 by

We can’t help but notice that some wrestling fans and bloggers (and we’re both looking in a full length mirror here) have been a little ‘meh’ about the WWE lately. It’s not that Andrew and I have stopped watching. We’re still tuning in and enjoying what we see. It’s just that we haven’t been feeling like we’ve got much to say for a while. Rather than bombard you with rubbish, we kept quiet. Also, we found ourselves analysing wrestling so much that it was sucking the life out of it. A definite shift takes place when you go from fan to critic, and sometimes you need find your inner fan again. It’s a bit like a food critic who needs to go to a greasy spoon and eat a wonderfully disgusting fried breakfast to remember why they love food.

If you consider your WWE love like a relationship, just lately it’s hit an awkward stage. You’re having enough fun that you don’t want to call it quits and run for the hills. You’re not in that ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ place, but you’re not in such a giddy state that you’re frothing at the mere anticipation of watching either. Being the amateur psychologist that I am, I’ve come up with 10 tried and tested ways to spice up your relationship with the WWE and get it back on heart-pounding track. Come on, kids. Let’s put some lead back in that pencil! Here’s what our lab experiments concluded…..

Convert Someone 

The best way to jolt your memory into remembering why you love something so much is to try and explain to someone else why you love it. Grab a friend who knows nothing about wrestling, sit them down in front of Raw, talk them through it and LOL the night away at how many times they say “Dude, you know this isn’t real, right?” and “So jorts are a thing in wrestling?” and “Jesus, Randy Orton walks SLOWLY!” You’ll soon realise you kind of like knowing as much as you do about the non-sport of wrestling. It might also help if they’re a willing test subject. If you need to secure them to a chair with some gaffer tape or pay them in cold hard cash, choose a different friend.

Don’t Be Lonely 

If nobody around you loves wrestling, it can be a lonely pastime. If there’s nobody to make even the crappiest shows more fun, it can be easy to let them slip off your Sky+ hard drive unwatched. Think of it like when you’re getting sick of pounding out the miles on a treadmill at the gym and you wonder if you’d be happier getting home an hour earlier, growing fatter by the day. A good friend to share the experience with will give even the most arduous of work-outs a purpose. So if you find yourself fast forwarding through more matches than you’re watching, watch with someone else (even if you just do it over Skype) and share the love.

Put On Rose-Tinted Glasses

You know those phases in a relationship where every tiny thing your other half does annoys you? We’ve all been there. They leave toast crumbs in butter. They walk away from you in shops and you have to spend 20 minutes looking for them before you can leave. They call you ‘sweet-cheeks’ because they know you hate it. It makes you want to just AAAAAARRRRGGGHH! If this has been going on for a long time and you can’t rise above it, it might be time to say adios. But in most cases they’re just the annoyances that come along with any relationship. So too with wrestling. Ignore the silly stuff you don’t like. There will always be things that bug you. That’s life! Stop watching expecting to be disappointed and focus on the good stuff.

If I were a sentimental and crafty sort of person, I might suggest buying a big pasta jar from IKEA, taking some pretty notelet cards and writing something you love about wrestling on each card. A memorable moment, match or promo you’re fond of, for example. I might then suggest you go to the jar of wrestling love and pull out a card to read when you’re having one of those “I hate wrestling so much” weeks. I would say that if I were a sentimental and crafty person. Which I am not. Not at all. I am lying.

Don’t Panic! 

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to make every week as exciting as this year’s Money in the Bank? It would be impossible. The reason that show was so achingly exciting was that it built-up over time. To have peaks, there must be troughs. If you can ride out the quiet times without panicking that EVERYTHING HAS TO BE EXCITING ALL THE TIME, you’re made for life. Proving my theory that there is an episode of Friends for every event in life – remember when Phoebe started dating Gary and it was all heat and passion and new love? And remember when Monica got upset that her relationship with Chandler was too comfortable and EVERYTHING HAD TO BE SEXY ALL THE TIME? That worked out well in the end, didn’t it? Chill.

Have a Duvet Day 

Gather up some of the favourite matches or shows on DVD, book the day off work, put some cosy clothes on and spend the day watching and enjoying your favourite stuff under a blanket with a cup of tea. (Beverage choice negotiable.) Try to make them recent matches. You don’t want to spend the day watching stuff from the distant past and end up repeatedly saying “This was when wrestling was actually good.” That will defeat the purpose. Also, this works even better if you can do it with other people. Oh and if you can go back to work the next day and not feel the need to tell your colleagues a lie about what you really did on your day off, you get extra points. Nobody will believe you climbed that mountain or spent the day rescuing orphaned seals anyway.

Get Out of That Rut

If watching WWE has become a mundane part of your week, switch things up a bit. If you’re watching Smackdown on Friday night when you’re completely shagged from a heavy working week, you might not be absorbing the fun; especially if you’re thinking “It’s Friday night. Why aren’t I out on the town living the life of a hedonistic playboy/girl?” Alternatively, you might be missing parts of Raw because your kids keep waking up and requesting a cuddle during crucial moments. If you’ve lost part of the story and are wondering what happened to make Dolph Ziggler punch John Laurinaitis in the chops, you’re less likely to stick with the rest of the episode.  Watch on Saturday morning when you’ve had 10 hours of sleep and a bacon breakfast, or put a lock on the kids’ bedroom door so they can’t demand you show them any affection during wrestling-times.

Lust 

Turn up at a WWE show unexpected. Lie to the security guard about being a member of staff and make your way to CM Punk’s locker room in a nonchalant manner. Offer him a full-body massage and when he agrees…..alright, that’s just me. But hey, if you need to get through the quiet times lusting after your favourite superstar/diva, that’s okay. Whatever gets you through, kiddo. They’re not prancing around oiled up and half naked for their own amusement. Quite frankly, it would be rude not make use of their inherent buffness.

See Other People

When it’s just the two of you (WWE and yourself) and you’re focused on each other to the detriment of everything else, there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go when you really want to get away during the quiet times. I know we bang on about this all the time, but when your wrestling life is filled with more than one thing, it gives WWE a bit of context. Don’t be afraid to try something new. It makes your relationship healthier and we promise we won’t call you a slut.

Turn the Internet Off

We love to think we’re free-thinking and make our own decisions on which WWE stuff we like and don’t like. Lord knows I hold the minority view on most of the company’s activities. But it’s all too easy to find yourself carried along with a mob mentality. Before you know it, you’re in a “Do I love this or hate this? What does everyone else think? I can’t make my own decisions. Tell me what to feel, Internet?” situation. Turn Twitter off and watch the shows without the irritating crackle of snarky interference in the background. We no longer watch any WWE PPVs with Twitter open. It is a joy!

And if all else fails…..

Add Muppets. They are the seasoning that makes everything a little bit tastier.

Posted in Counsel, Rae's Posts, Raw, Smackdown, WWE

A Song for Whoever: Beth Phoenix and Triple H Edition

Posted on October 10, 2011 by

Boss Lady Rae: Has there ever been a character shift more disappointing than Beth Phoenix’s fall from grace last week? Who would have thought that two little words would upset so many people, including myself? As select members of the WWE roster gathered around the ring to collectively express their dissent at HHH’s leadership, Beth demanded that the ladies of the company have more protection because “We’re girls!” Like a dagger through my heart.

A few weeks ago, Beth and Natalya proclaimed that they – The Divas of Doom – were here to save us from the Barbie doll Divas and kickstart a new era for the women’s Division. Such wonderful feist! On last week’s Raw, Beth washed it all away with a namby-pamby declaration of inferiority. I heard about it before I saw it. I resolved to make my own judgement after I’d seen it. I looked for some kind of humour, sarcasm, irony or tiny inkling that this was all just a rouse. I hoped some twist would make me feel silly for not seeing what they were up to from the beginning. I’m still hoping for that.

It didn’t just stop at those two loaded words though. The Superstars and Divas have clearly been instructed to ramp up the walk-out storyline on Twitter, and so my confused disillusion continued:

At home doing the dishes? Really, Beth?

Even during its most bleak days, I always held hope for the Divas division because there were women like Beth and Natalya desperate to build a stronger stream of women’s wrestling in the WWE. Whether she believes her statements personally or not is irrelevant. (I’m guessing she doesn’t.) If what they’re presenting on screen are weak, helpless little girls, that’s all anyone will give them credit for being. Beth’s breaking my heart and giving me the blues. There were so many angles they could have taken with this ‘poor working conditions’ storyline, and yet again they took the easiest, least creative, low road, taking Beth Phoenix down with them. So much for empowering young women to stand up for themselves. Drop the helpless maiden act. It’s pathetic.

The only thing that can save this for me now, is another character shift as abrupt as this one. We’ll pretend it was part of the plan all along and make like this was all just a strange dream sequence. Go on, make me feel silly.

Sidekick Andrew:There are many reasons to doubt this current walk-out storyline, not least of which is the Beth Phoenix comments mentioned above. There is only so far the WWE can go with “industrial action”, a fact displayed on Friday when the wrestlers were seemingly happy to appear on Smackdown, despite having “no confidence” in HHH, the COO of the entire WWE, not just Raw.

Obviously I don’t know exactly what will happen tonight on Raw, but it seems pretty obvious that they’re moving towards a split between the strikers and the scabs (think of the bits of Billy Elliott that didn’t involve dancing) but who knows. All I know for sure is that I really enjoyed the ending of Raw last week, everyone walking out leaving HHH alone in the ring was a pretty stark visual. OK, he no-sold the entire thing after the cameras had stopped running on Zack Ryder’s video with a massive goofy smile and pedigree determined to make internet fans hate him even more, but the overall effect of the walk out was quite impressive. And, also, strangely reminiscent of a naked 4th grader…

So HHH, this one’s for you. I’m sure you’ll turn me against you again soon, but for now I’m enjoying having you back. Sorry everyoe seems to hate you at the moment, but then they hated Margaret Thatcher during the Miner’s Strike and look how popular she is now! Oh…

Posted in A Song for Whoever, Beth Phoenix, Triple H, Uncategorized, WWE